Which conflict style do you have? Take our Conflict Styles Quiz and find out! This month, learn how to better love others by learning about your conflict style.
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Conflict Styles in Our Lives
Conflict is inevitable in loving relationships. In fact, researchers have discovered that there are approximately 5 to 6 sibling conflicts per hour in the average household. That translates to one every ten minutes. Marriages also have ongoing conflicts with almost 1 in every 2 to 3 marriages ending in divorce. Human relationships are complex, and conflict can either destroy or strengthen relationships.
Proverbs and James offer great insight into conflict, and Jesus provided an incredible model of response to conflict. James 4:1 identifies selfishness and internal desires as culprits to conflict. Proverbs and Jesus’ teachings refer to or imply that pride leads to selfishness and division. There is an emphasis on humility and wisdom when it comes to relationships.
The complexity working against families is that each person is different, which means that each person interprets situations and moments differently. It also means that each person has their own unique way of handling emotions, thoughts, and stress which influence the way they may manage moments of conflict. Take our quiz and look at the categories of conflict styles, identified through Thomas-Kilman, that most people live in on a day-to-day basis.
Understanding Conflict
“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” – Thomas Kempis
Conflict can create a deeper connection when done in healthy ways. Are you a Contributor or a Consumer in conflict? What if your family focused on being Contributors when it comes to conflict? Contributors focus on what is best for the relationship and the other person out of love and connection.
The following are a few scriptures that help outline what a Contributor in God’s kingdom looks like:
- Proverbs refers to wisdom as life-giving and leading toward love and connection. It also discusses the importance of listening when it comes to understanding.
- 2 Peter 1:5-9 provides insight into an internal progression toward fruitfulness in relationships and faith.
- Philippians 2 establishes humility as an essential ingredient for unity in relationships
- Philippians 4 provides a template for guiding your mind in times of anxiety and anxiety tends to drive people toward selfishness and fear-based conflict.
These passages and more can guide your family toward being Contributors in your conflict style. Ultimately, Contributors step into conflict through an attitude of humility and a lens driven by empathy and love for the other person. They are life-giving, even in times of conflict. Make sure to know the strengths and areas of growth you bring through your conflict style and what that could mean to what is happening in the “in-between” with another person and what may be at war within you.
Growing in Your Conflict Style
Take time to consider how much you value the relationship, practice listening attentively, and then decide where you’re headed with the conflict. In other words, why is there disagreement and what needs to be done to move forward in healthy ways? The focus is on understanding, connection, and love. When you use love as the centerpiece, you will value the relationship, listen attentively, and communicate with genuineness. In other words, you will be life-giving in the midst of imperfection and disagreement.
