Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Day One

Preview

Pam Farrel: Psalms 27 says, um, “He will keep me safe in His dwelling. He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent.” And that’s really a promise from God that h- He will take care of you, single mom. He will shelter you if you give Him a chance.

End of Preview

John Fuller: That’s Pam Farrel offering encouragement for single moms, and she’s with us today along with her co-author and friend, PeggySue Wells. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and we’re looking back at our Best of 2024 episodes. Thanks for joining us, I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: John, did you know that one in four homes is led by a single parent?

John: I did not. That’s a staggering number.

Jim: Yeah, I think it represents somewhere around 20 million children too.

John: Wow.

Jim: So a high number of children are living in a single-parent household. And, uh, man, I imagine many single parents never thought their marriages would fail, or it could be a situation where, uh, you know, a person is a widow or widower and that’s the situation they’re in. We don’t know all reasons for single parenting, but circumstances happen and there it is. Uh, we want to help you. We wanna come alongside you. You are doing probably the hardest job in the world, and you’re doing it with one hand tied behind your back.

John: Hm.

Jim: And we wanna recognize that. We typically lean toward talking about a single-parent mom, because the predominant number of single parents are moms, uh, but we recognize that dads are there. We see you, and we want you to know that. And a lot of the content we’re gonna talk about today, you can translate into your experience. So don’t feel like we’re ignoring you. Uh, we want to, though, help, uh, all of you, and single-parent moms are the predominant structure that we see, so…

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: We’ll be talking about that today.

John: Yeah, we’ve got help, by the way, at the ministry for all kinds of families, wherever you’re at. Uh, but this conversation features, as I said, Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells. Uh, they’re both authors and speakers, and Pam, uh, is married to Bill. You’ve heard them before on this show and, uh, seen them on the Focus website. PeggySue has seven children, and as we’ll hear, she raised them on her own. And these two ladies have authored a book, uh, together called The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own. Stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, uh, to find your copy, or give us a call if you have any questions. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY.

Jim: Pam and PeggySue, welcome to Focus.

Pam: Thanks for having us.

PeggySue Wells: Nice to be here.

Jim: Yeah, it’s so good to have you.

PeggySue: Thank you.

Jim: And, uh, uh, PeggySue, is this your first time on the broadcast?

PeggySue: It is.

Jim: Wow.

Pam: Woo-hoo!

PeggySue: But I have watched all my life (laughs).

Jim: Yeah, that’s so, so great. And we’re gonna unfold your stories, but we’re already thinking sainthood for you, given that you raised seven kids on your own.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: We’re all going, “Aw.” That’s am- I mean, that right there is very amazing, seven kids. What was the age spread of those children?

PeggySue: The oldest was graduating high school and getting ready to start her life, the youngest was a year old, and that’s when my single parent journey began, was when she was one.

Jim: Wow, that… Yeah, I’m looking forward to hearing that, ’cause that had to take so much resourcefulness on your part to do that, and I’m sure a lot of moms are going, “Okay, I have two kids and she had seven. I can learn from her.”

John: Hm.

Jim: And we’ll talk about that. But let’s start with both of you just describing, um, why you created this resource, this great book, 10 Best Decisions, and how did you get to 10 best decisions?

Pam: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs) I mean, I’m always wondering. Did God give you a dream or what?

John: Yeah.

Pam: (laughs) So the 10 part…

Jim: (laughs)

Pam: That’s where, uh, my side comes in. PeggySue was working on a radio station on, I was a frequent guest, um, there, and, and talked about parenting a lot, and Harvest House has our series, 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make, a Single Can Make, a Woman Can Make, a Man Can Make. Okay, if I write 10 Best Decisions a Dog Can Make, you just gotta stop me.

Jim: (laughs)

Pam: Right? But we had talked a lot about parenting off-air, not just on-air, and when I heard that she’s a single mom of seven, you know, I’m, like, excited to learn about PeggySue, and so we had a lot of, uh, friendship conversations off-air. So then one day, PeggySue called me.

PeggySue: And I said, “Would you partner with me on writing this book?” And she said, “Oh, you need to probably just go find another single mom to write with who’s, you know, an author.” And I said, “No, Pam, I am gonna pursue you,” because Pam’s mom was a single mom. So Pam is the promise. This is not your identity, this is your experience.

Jim: Hm.

PeggySue: And you can still be fine. You know, God is gonna work-

Jim: Mm-hmm, yeah.

PeggySue: …even in this.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

PeggySue: The kids might turn out, yes, it is possible (laughs)

Pam: The kids will be fine.

Jim: Well, that’s a good place to start, Pam. Let’s, uh, turn your direction. You were the child.

Pam: Yeah.

Jim: I was also raised in a single-parent, mom household, so I can identify with you.

Pam: Your story makes me cry.

Jim: Well… (laughs)

Pam: I, like, love it.

Jim: The…

Pam: It’s so inspiring.

Jim: But in your situation, what happened? What broke apart?

Pam: Right. My… So I’m the firstborn daughter of an alcoholic dad-

Jim: Hm.

Pam: …with severe rage issues. Like, I always thought that I would, like, make the headlines, but not for a good reason. More like, man shoots family then shoots himself. Lot of domestic violence in the home that I grew up in.

Jim: Hm.

Pam: My dad was crippled by… Like, emotionally, uh, handicapped and crippled, tormented by the alcohol-

Jim: Hm.

Pam: …that he had consumed since-

Jim: That’s so sad.

Pam: …he was basically a child.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Like, alcohol runs in my family tree like sap. It goes back many generations.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: And so, uh, my mom, she tried her best to hang in there and make the marriage work, um, for quite a while. Uh, and then in my high school years, things started getting worse and worse. And my mom was kind of a s- functional single mom most of my childhood, just because my dad traveled for work, so he was gone five days and only home on the weekends. And then the weekends were scary.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: And, um, so that’s kind of the home that I grew up in. Um, but my, my mom’s best friend, uh, she saw the chaos that we were living in, and when I was about seven, she invited us to come to church. And there I met people who loved Jesus, and I’m like, “This is what love looks like. Oh, I wanna know the all through Jesus.” So I was eight when I made the decision to come to know Christ in a personal way and my mom was 28. So we kinda grew up in our faith together.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: And, um, by the time I was, um, a senior in high school, things were getting very scary, and so things came to, like, a decision point, um, because my mom had this fracture with reality that day my sister called, and, um, she, my sister was wise enough to, um, call one of my mom’s friends who was in AlAnon with her. And, um, she said, “We need to get her to the doctor.”

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: And I don’t know this doctor, but I’m so grateful for this doctor who said, “Anne, your husband may kill you.” Because he had tried to throw my mom out of the second-story sliding glass door of the patio that week. “He… You can stay and your husband may kill you. You can stay and you might snap and you would kill him. Either one of those, your kids won’t have a parent. Or you could stay and lose your mind, and then who would raise your kids? Or you could separate, hoping your husband will get help for his alcoholism.”

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Pam: “And you can rescue your kids, because it is dangerous where you live.” And I’m so grateful for that doctor, because my mom said, “You’re right.” And she finally that night got the courage to call her parents.

Jim: The other, the other component of that, as I read the book, was, uh, he also said, “You could medicate, but I’m not gonna write a prescription.”

Pam: Right, he would not write a prescription.

Jim: That is big.

Pam: Yes.

Jim: Because I think too few doctors in today’s culture would refuse the medication.

Pam: Right.

Jim: Which sobered her up.

Pam: He’s like, “I could, you could become nu- you could become numb, but you wouldn’t be a good parent then, either.”

Jim: Yeah, yeah.

Pam: Like, he was really watching out for us kids.

Jim: That was amazing, I thought.

Pam: Yeah.

Jim: I thought that was really good.

Pam: He’s a great doctor.

Jim: And Pam, that… Ah, I mean, my heart goes out to you. I mean, that oldest daughter, getting that phone call. You bore all the responsibility trying to be the stable one in the household-

Pam: Trying to be, yeah (laughs).

Jim: …that was chaotic. No, I get it. I mean, I was the youngest of five, so… But that burden. You are an adult child.

Pam: Right.

Jim: That’s what that environment creates out of you.

Pam: Yes, right.

Jim: To which people go, “Oh, yeah, okay. So God equipped you to be an author and successful, uh, speaker with your husband.” And I remember doing some counseling with Jean and the people were like, “Oh, yeah, that’s a tough life, Jim, but it gave you the tools to be CEO of Focus.”

Pam: (laughs)

Jim: “Now let’s move, uh, over to Jean. Jean?” And you know…

Pam: Oh man, wait.

Jim: I’m going, “Wait a minute, wait a minute.”

Pam: Wait.

Jim: “I want some sympathy here.” But it, it-

Pam: Can we unpack this just a little bit more? (laughs)

Jim: It does create… You know, you have to make decisions earlier.

Pam: Yeah.

Jim: You become either broken or responsible. And for those that are able to grow up responsibly in that. The other thing is, you learn not to do what they did.

Pam: Exactly.

Jim: I’m sure that was your experience too. Mine too. I’m not gonna become what my father was, w- who was also an alcoholic.

Pam: Exactly.

Jim: So you learn from it if you can, if you have the wisdom. And then you have to decide how you don’t, you know, kinda carry the burden of that, too.

Pam: What was key about what you said is that you have to make the decision-

Jim: (laughs) Yeah.

Pam: …not to do those patterns, and that’s where part of the, the book title, 10 Best Decisions, is because the single mom and the children, when that relationship splits, it’s a trauma.

Jim: Hm.

Pam: And then her brain, the thinking part of the brain goes offline and we go into trauma mode. And trauma mode is fight, flight, freeze, or please. And you’re in that, so you’re reacting, you’re not responding. And so there’s no way to, like, get out of that except to have someone either help you or walk through some steps or something where you can finally trigger your brain to come back online and start thinking again. And so with the book, we said, “Let’s take you through some very important steps. Follow these, walk with us, and then as you go through this, pretty soon you’re gonna be thinking again and you’ll be able to make those decisions.”

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Because that’s a lot of times, you’ll look at a single mom, you’re watching her wife, life, you’re watching her behavior, and you’re like, “What is she thinking?” And then you see the children that are down at the principal’s office on a regular basis because of their behavior, and everybody’s saying, “What are they thinking?” And it’s because they’re not thinking, it’s impossible, they can’t. They’re in trauma brain. And so she’s reacting, and the children, the only way they can show they have a broken heart is through their behavior. And so they’re not bad kids, they’re kids with a broken heart.

Jim: Yeah, it’s a very good point.

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, I think this is good for the listeners and the viewers, to connect with where you’re coming from, and so I appreciate that vulnerability, Pam.

Pam: Yeah.

Jim: PeggySue, uh, you have a different story in the single motherhood journey. Uh, describe what happened with you and your husband. How old were the kids? What was going on?

PeggySue: Yeah, the oldest was graduating high school and the youngest was a year old, and it was kinda the same thing, where there’d been a lot of travel in the career, so there would be times where, you know, it was just me and the kids motoring along, doing fine, and then, you know, he would come home for a while, and then he’d be gone again. And we just kinda, like, had life like that for a while. And then things just began to escalate. And as they began escalating, it finally reached a point where I had to say… You know, we just all gathered together in the family room and I said, “You know, this isn’t a good situation. You know, it’s not good for kids to see that this is how adults, uh, interact. It’s not good for us to, you know, have that this is what family looks like. It’s damaging. So we have to make a decision. We have to decide if we’re gonna make some shifts here, or we have to decide that I have to put some boundaries up, that this has to be safe for the family.” And so everybody got to make a choice, and, you know, people do what they do for their own reasons. I think it has everything to do with me. The truth is that really, we do what we do for our own reasons and they make choices based on what we, what we have to do internally. And interestingly, that choice, even though they’re making it because of their own reasons, it can have a Grand Canyon-sized impact on the people around you based on the choices. But yeah, he chose out, you know, and that was his choice, and we have, have done our best with what we have.

Jim: Describe that, uh, so, again, husbands can better understand what took place there. I mean, y- you two talked about it.

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You were trying to be adult about it, but-

PeggySue: And we did so much counseling.

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: We tried all the counseling, all the books, all the prayers, all the fasting, all the mentoring. I mean, we really worked hard. I know when it was… Uh, it was at the end where I’m like, “There is nothing more that I know of that I could do physically, emotionally, spiritually. I, I, I’ve done all the things that I can possibly know to do.”

Jim: And his point was, “It’s too hard, I’m done.”

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “I’m checking out.”

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I… You know, again, being the person I am, the place I came from, I can’t believe a man would leave you with seven kids.

PeggySue: It’s more, though…

Jim: I mean, that’s, that’s rough.

PeggySue: What… But it’s also what is their experience and what are they working through. You see what I’m saying?

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: So I can’t…

Jim: I get that.

PeggySue: Yeah.

Jim: But as a man, uh-uh.

Pam: (laughs)

PeggySue: (laughs)

Jim: Sorry. It’s still you’re leaving your wife, even if you’re not getting along. But you’re leaving seven kids.

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That, that’s almost an insurmountable mountain for you and the kids.

PeggySue: And we do-

Jim: I’m sorry to be that rough on that, but it… It just, like… Wow.

PeggySue: No, but we do pray that men would rise up and-

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: …do what you say and not walk out.

Jim: Well-

PeggySue: That we do pray.

Jim: And again, I, I so appreciate your tenderness, and, you know, I’m sure we all had family of origin issues.

PeggySue: Hm, exactly.

Jim: But at some point, as believers, we gotta say, “Okay, we’re gonna break those chains.” I know I’m coming across as a little cold, but it really irks me-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: …that we don’t live up to what we profess.

John: Hm.

Jim: And, you know, we need to. I think if the church acted more Christlike, we’d have greater healing-

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: …in our families, and men particularly. It needs to start with us as leaders-

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: …to do the things we need to do, even out of obligation. That’s okay, that’s a good call.

PeggySue: Right.

Jim: But okay, so he left. What do you do day one? How do you get your kids together and go, “All right, everybody, here’s what’s happening”? That’s… I mean, one-year-old up to a senior in high school, that’s a broad spectrum of explanation.

PeggySue: It breaks everyone’s heart. Everyone just has a broken heart. Everybody feels betrayed. One of my, one of my kids said, “Everything I thought was true about our family was a lie.” And I kinda had to go back and say, “It wasn’t all a lie, but I understand.” That’s the level of betrayal-

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: …that you feel from someone that you think is gonna stay with you and be there all the time.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

PeggySue: So yeah, so we had to work through that. And I have adult kids that are-

Jim: Hm.

PeggySue: …functioning, contributing part of society. I’m just so proud of them. I like to say I had good material to work with. They’re doing well. But they will always have a broken heart.

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: And like you said about, you know, things that we’ve gone through, sometimes it’s like we’ve gotta leverage this either as a tool to move forward or we can drown in it.

Jim: Well, and I, yeah, I applaud you giving the kids that kind of, uh, path, you know? The Lord certainly sets the path, but a good parent in this kind of situation, in your case, a good mom-

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: …which was my story, with a good mom, uh, laying the foundation that the Lord could use to build on. That’s not easy, but it’s doable.

Pam: It is, and you know what? I wanna give my mom credit. She’s like my hero.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Because she went from that broken place to, like, seeking Jesus with her whole heart. And when I began a friendship with PeggySue, I saw her as a hero. I mean, seven kids, wow. And she’s an amazing mom. And so we thought through what are those decisions, what are those smart decisions that PeggySue made, that my mom made, that gave our kids, gave me and then PeggySue’s kids, that head start.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: That ability to heal, the ability to move forward in life. And on the front cover of, um, 10 Best Decisions a Single Could Make, there’s two umbrellas. And people are like, “Why do you have umbrellas on there?”

Jim: And they’re not even pink and blue.

Pam: Right? (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Pam: And-

Jim: They’re all of them red.

Pam: Right. And they really… The top umbrella is that God is our shelter. And in Psalms 27, it says, um, “He will keep me safe in His dwelling. He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent.” And that’s really a promise from God.

Jim: Hm.

Pam: That h- He will take care of you, single mom. He will shelter you if you give Him a chance. And then, um, the second umbrella is the single mom and the promise that He will send showers of blessing. That’s what we pray, that as a result of the contents of 10 Best Decisions a Single Can, Single Mom Can Make, that those decisions, those choices will become a life that God can bless, her, the kids, their future.

John: And this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. You’re hearing from the heart. Uh, our guests are Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells, as they encourage single parents and their very important role. Uh, the book that is a terrific resource, written by our guests, is The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make. And as Jim said earlier, these are principles that any single parent can apply, so contact us today for a copy. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. And we’ve also got details, of course, at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And while you’re there, be sure to sign up for our free audio collection. It’s our Best of 2024 programs. Uh, you’ll gain access to an entire library of trusted faith-building, parenting, and marriage shows, and so sign up today.

Jim: And again, I just wanna say this because we’ll hear from the single parent dads, we know you’re there and, uh, the shoe is probably on the other foot. It was your spouse, perhaps, that said, “I’m done” and left you with the kids, and, and we get that. So apply the principles, and, uh, we know this applies to you too, and you also have one arm tied behind your back and we get that.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, uh, let me go to both of you. What are the dangers of stuffing emotions when you’re going through this kind of hardship, like a divorce or a separation?

PeggySue: Hm.

Jim: I, I, I mean, it’s easy to do, “Let’s not talk about it in front of the kids. Uh, let’s…” And of course, the kids… As a kid in that situation, and Pam, I’ll ask you first, uh, you know something’s not right as that child. I mean, it happened to me when I was five and I could tell something wasn’t right.

Pam: Right.

Jim: And all of a sudden, dad wasn’t around much or at all. Uh, but you didn’t feel like you could say, “Uh, w- where’s dad?” Because there was something wrong about talking about it.

John: Hm.

Jim: Does that make sense?

Pam: It does. Uh, I think the harder part, um, for my mom and I, because I was older-

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: …um, I became like a confidant.

Jim: Hm.

Pam: Uh, to my mom, and… But she was wise enough to realize, “Oh, my goodness, Pam shouldn’t have to be my counselor. I need to get a good counselor.”

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: “I need to go talk to my pastor. I need to find a Christian counselor.” So that was one of her first best decisions that she made, is she surrounded herself with support system, um, other single parents that had moved forward in life. And so she, she made a lot of decisions very quickly, um, moving us out… She moved us out to California, back home to where her, um, parents lived, and so we lived right-

Jim: Oh, so you had support?

Pam: Yes.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Like, right down the street-

Jim: That’s good.

Pam: …from wonderful grandparents. Um, and we went there a lot because they were stable and encouraging and grandpa was like a male role model-

Jim: Sure.

Pam: …for my brother, especially.

Jim: Healthy.

Pam: Yeah. And so there were some big decisions that she made quickly, and sometimes that’s really tough to do, because you’re selling the house, you’re, like, splitting finances, there’s lawyers, it, it’s a lot. And so we always encourage, um, single moms, like, “Don’t go through it alone.” When Bill and I were pastoring, um, we had a two-step process. And so, uh, a woman would come, you know, in for counseling, or the couple may even have been counseling with Bill and then, you know, the guy opts out. Um, um, we get the single mom in a room with her best friends from the church. They’re healthy, and, um, her family maybe from the area. And we say, “Okay, we need a crisis plan, six to eight weeks, and then we’ll work on the long-term plan to move you and the kids forward.”

Jim: Oh, that’s so healthy. Wow. PeggySue, uh, from a mom’s perspective, that stuffing of the emotions. I mean, some of that, what Pam is describing, is wisdom. So it’s not, like, completely healthy to just unload.

PeggySue: And it’s like you said, it’s not ideal, the situation’s not ideal, but it is our real.

Jim: (laughs) Yeah.

PeggySue: So we have to deal with our real. And one of the things that was really important was to be able to still have those feelings, because I h- lived through a place of, “This just hurts too much. I’m just gonna shut it all down.” But they’re like grapes. You know, our emotions are like grapes, so if I shut that down, then I don’t have the love and the joy and the happiness that goes with it. So you have to be bold and courageous and brave enough to feel all the feelings, because that’s what makes us human. And so I would… We made some rules in our home because everybody was in a different stage at a different time. So somebody would be fine, somebody else would be-

Jim: Hm.

PeggySue: …just terrible, somebody else would be angry, somebody else would think it was, you know, everything was good, and somebody else would be like, you know, worst day ever. So we kinda had to put some ground rules, which said you can feel what you feel and we want you to feel it. However, you cannot take it out on someone else and you also cannot demand that that person change how they feel. So feel your feelings, but it cannot come out on others, and you, we will honor you. This is where you are right now.

Jim: Wow.

PeggySue: And that’s where you are right now.

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: And it’s gonna shift.

Jim: I would think that really helped the kids regulate their emotions.

PeggySue: Because they-

Jim: I mean, in, in a healthy way, not to stuff them down-

PeggySue: Yeah.

Jim: …but to release them appropriately.

PeggySue: Because we need to be able to feel them-

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: …in order to be whole and healthy, and then to be whole and healthy for our relationships that we will be involved in and that we’re involved with now.

Jim: Yeah, that’s really good. Le- let’s turn a little corner and talk about elements of fun in a, you know, an environment that easily says, “Hey, why are you having fun? There’s nothing to have fun about here.”

PeggySue: We had not smiled for a while, and I realized it one time, and I’m like, “Okay, life has to keep going. I can’t just crumble,” even though I felt like it. And one of my daughters needed to get her driver’s license, and so I’m like, “Okay, I’ve got to get her parallel parking so we can, you know, finish this permit and she can get the license. I have to move forward.” So I said to the kids, “Okay, I’m, I’m gonna take her driving, get her practice in.” Everybody else was like, “We’re coming.” And they all pile into our nine-pass- or our twelve-passenger van, so we’re all in there. And she… The reason they came is because she’s really spastic, and so we’re like, you know, jerking in the car and-

Pam: (laughs)

PeggySue: …almost crashing into things, and we laughed. We started laughing and laughing and laughing, and in that moment, I realized my face hadn’t laughed in months. I mean, just-

Jim: It hurt.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Your cheeks hurt.

PeggySue: Yeah, it hurt. And then we were laughing so hard that, you know, there were some people that, you know, maybe have wet their pants. I’m not naming names, but…

Pam: (laughs)

PeggySue: It was good fun. And I since realized that fun is part of helping everybody to be able to have a healthy life. And then one of the other ways that we did that was, um, we would go visit places. We needed to get away from our home and realize that our problems were this big, but the world is this big and God is this big. And so it put, uh, things back in perspective.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

PeggySue: And then each of the kids, I would say to them, “What is your interest? What do you wanna do?” And so somebody wanted to raise animals and somebody wanted to play music and somebody wanted to be in the Civil Air Patrol. And so everybody, we, we sent them to all their things so that they could develop and they could have fun with other people and they could laugh with them, and… And then we would also watch a comedy video every so often. Like, if we hadn’t laughed in a while, there was a, every Friday night, there was a comedy video on, and now my family speaks to each other in video quotes, you know, movie quotes.

Pam: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

PeggySue: Movie quotes and book quotes. We had to laugh.

Jim: Hm.

PeggySue: And it was very, very healthy.

Jim: Yeah, that’s so good. Hey, in the book… And we’re right at the end here, so let’s come back for another day and keep this discussion going if you can.

PeggySue: I’d love to.

Jim: But right at the end, uh, maybe to tease this up for next time, uh, in the book, you talk about five roots of conflict that break out in family. Let’s just list the five and describe them briefly.

PeggySue: They are rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, and repeat.

Jim: Yeah, and which one stands out for you? Not that there’s a, uh, favorite in that category, ’cause they’re all pretty negative, but-

PeggySue: It all starts with rejection.

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: It all starts, that is the beginning of the five R parade, is when I feel rejected, and then I go through the rest of the Rs, and then we have damage to our relationship.

Jim: Well, why don’t we pick up there next time, and we’ll go through those a little more slowly and explore them? Can we do that?

PeggySue: Yeah.

John: Well, what a moving conversation with Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. There is a lot more to come next time.

Jim: Pam and PeggySue, uh, gave us some solid footholds for single moms, and I so appreciate that, and dads too. We know being a single parent is not an easy journey, uh, but we’re here to help you. Know that you can come to Focus on the Family. Uh, you are doing a difficult job and we wanna support you. We’re here for you, that’s the clear message we wanna give you. And we have caring Christian counselors who you can talk with, and they will pray with you and suggest other resources as you move forward in your healing and develop the hope that the Lord wants in all of us. We also have Pam and PeggySue’s terrific book, The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own.

John: Yeah, and as you heard, it’s a useful guide for single moms that, uh, will help your family remain healthy and thriving, and that is needed now more than ever, it seems.

Jim: And John, we’ve seen, uh, you’re full of stressful politics, financial challenges, unbelievable social changes, and those pressures that just seem to keep mounting, and struggling families could really use some hope, I mean, that we can get this job done, staying married together, having a marriage that lasts, raising our kids in such a way that they are healthy and productive. Most of all, to share the hope that Jesus Christ came to give us, and that’s eternal life in Him. Uh, you can come alongside hurting individuals to give families that hope through your support of Focus on the Family. And with today being Giving Tuesday, a global day of giving following Thanksgiving, we would be blessed and honored if you choose to support Focus on the Family. And when you give a gift of any amount today, we’ll send you a copy of The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make as our way of saying thank you. Also, we know that your finances could be stretched as a single parent. Just get in touch with us, we’ll trust others will cover the cost of getting that book to you.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, donate today generously as you can, and through a special matching gift opportunity, your year-end donation will be doubled dollar for dollar. God is gonna use your gifts to bring healing and redemption to twice the families. So donate today and get your copy of The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make, uh, when you stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or give us a call, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we continue the conversation with Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells, and once again, help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Day Two

PeggySue Wells: And at one point too, I went to my mentor and I’m crying, and I’m snotting and, you know, just all, and she’s like, “You’re concerned you’re not enough.” And I’m like, “How can I be enough for my children? How can I love them enough?” And she said, “You can’t.” She said, “A two parent home can’t fill your child’s heart with all the love they need. The only one that can is the Lord.”

John Fuller: Well, that’s PeggySue Wells and she joins us today on our Best of 2024 Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Her friend and co-author Pam Farrel, uh, also contributed to this conversation. We’re offering hope and encouragement to single moms. And I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: Hey John. Let me say it this way. Single parent moms are loved. They do the work of two parents and do all they can to keep the family moving forward, uh, with the handicap of not having a husband, uh, at least not involved. Maybe he’s left the home, maybe he’s passed away. That’s a different situation. But man, do single parent moms do the job. And I hope you’re listening today. We’re gonna be talking about your situation and what you can do to make the best of it and, and really to, uh, draw closer to the Lord in the process, which is so, so critical. If you missed any part of the discussion last time, I wanna encourage you to go to the website. You can get the smartphone app-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … gives you access to all the, the broadcasts. But it was really helpful and I think if you can go back and listen to that, it’ll add to today’s experience.

John: Yeah, there was a lot of heart in that conversation. And, uh, the website has all the details. I mentioned PeggySue Wells, uh, she and her friend and co-author Pam Farrel are back again today. Uh, Pam was raised by a single mom and PeggySue is a single mom to seven children. And, uh, they’ve written a book together that is a, a really great encouragement. It’s called The 10 Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own. And we have copies of that book here and other resources as well. Stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Welcome back to both of you. It’s good to have you.

Pam Farrel: Thank you. It’s an honor to be here and a privilege.

Jim: You know, for those listeners that didn’t hear it last time, what’s so important for them is to go back and hear your stories. And we don’t wanna spend the time today to, uh, tell too much of that. But for the folks who are joining right now, just each of you, let’s start with you, Pam. Just give us this thumbnail sketch of what motivated you to be part of this project, to write this book on single motherhood.

Pam: Right. Well, there’s a two part answer to that. One is I’m the daughter of a single mom who I saw go from broken to beautiful. Um, she’s an amazing servant of God today, helping other single moms, in fact.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: And, um, the others, I’ve been married to a pastor and I was director of women’s ministry. So we had a lot of awesome single moms and single families, you know, helping walk alongside them. So I have a two-part heart for this topic.

Jim: Yeah, that’s great. PeggySue, your quick story to refresh?

PeggySue: Yeah. Quick story. Um, seven kids. The youngest was a year old and we had just had an escalating situation that was not comfortable and not safe in the home. And so we said, “You gotta make a choice.” And so I started my single mom journey when the youngest was one years old.

John: Hmm.

Jim: You know, let me, I didn’t plan on starting at this place, but I think the Lord’s just prompting something here. You know, so often in, in the church environment, um, it’s a little uncomfortable. We don’t know how to manage outside of what normal or how we’ve defined normal, which is kind of the two parent family with 3.7 kids. I don’t know where 0.7 is. But, and I, there’s just an uncomfortableness I think with the single parent situation, we’re not quite sure what to do. And maybe even if I could say this in some circumstances, uh, especially if that spouse that isn’t there did not pass on that it was a divorce, we’re really uncomfortable with that.

PeggySue: We are uncomfortable. As a child, my parents split up and I can remember going to church and people not talking to me as a child or my mother. And again, they don’t know what to do with us. Um, when my divorce happened, it was the same thing at our church. They didn’t know. And I was seeing a counselor at our church and I said, “This is just awkward. Nobody wants to look at me. They don’t wanna talk to me. You know, they’re, they’re kind of like distancing themselves from my children.” And he said, “We as a church do not know what to do or how to best handle being a single parent.”

Jim: And if you think about that, what a great opportunity for the church, you know-

Pam: Exactly.

Jim: … to embrace this. You think of Jesus at the, well, He went at noon to the well, knowing the Samaritan woman would be there ’cause He knows everything, right?

Pam: (laughs).

Jim: So He knew she was gonna be there and He started asking her questions, right, about-

Pam: And that’s a, it’s a wonderful mission feel.

Jim: Yeah. Marital status, the whole bit. So I mean, I think Jesus was modeling that we engage as a community of believers, single parents, single women, uh, and not to be awkward with it.

Pam: Or afraid.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Fear holds a lot of people back. Like, “Oh, I’m afraid that they might drain my church like as a pastor.”

Jim: Right. Okay, that’s, that’s understandable.

PeggySue: Yeah. 85% of single parent homes do not attend church. And those of us that have been in church, it gets a lot easier to sleep in on the one day, you can sleep in on Sunday rather than go if it’s gonna be so awkward there. And just know that when the single mom walks into the church, she’s already feeling judged. She’s already feeling less than, she’s already feeling really wounded and broken from the experience. So even when you come up and say hello to her, if she’s kind of like holding back a little bit, it’s not you. She’s already carrying all this and so-

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Yeah.

PeggySue: … are her children. So if you can just treat her like, you know, a normal person, “Welcome. We’re glad to have you come sit, I have a place for you. Come be part of our Sunday school class. You know, we’re not gonna relegate you to the singles. You are part of the group.” And our children need to see those healthy families and those healthy relationships because I want them to see that. And then they have other places that they can go to ask questions. They have places that they can go when they need to talk-

Pam: Mentors.

PeggySue: … but then they have great mentors. And then-

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: … they get strong enough that when they choose their relationship later they will do a good job.

Pam: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Okay. Last time we left off with, uh, a brief, uh, illustration of the five roots of conflict that break out in a family. You listed them, we talked about one of them briefly. Let’s list them again and let’s just go a little slower so people can grab a definition for each one.

PeggySue: Yeah. There was some times where I was noticing that as our family would come and we would gather together for the holidays, we would sort of like, you know, emotionally abuse one another and have pie. And I was like, “God, I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna go into situations that are unhealthy.” So, you know, you have that scripture about to as far as possible, live at peace with…

Jim: Mm-hmm.

PeggySue: And I’m like, “God, I’m doing my part. It’s clearly everybody else, so I need you to jump in and take care of this.”

Jim: Yeah (laughs). Straighten them out.

PeggySue: Yes. And He said, “You know, there’s one common denominator in all of your relationships.” And I’m like, “What, me?” And He’s like, “Yep.”

Pam: (laughs).

PeggySue: So I’m like, “Okay, teach me.” So this is what He started showing me. And I have a great example that one morning, my daughter Hannah, she’s in high school, she gets up, she’s on a Saturday, grousing around the house. So I do the mom thing and I make her a pancake and tea and I tell jokes and she doesn’t laugh, and the pancake is just pushed around on her plate. And I’m sitting there next to her thinking, “I’m feeling rejected. I’ve done these things to make her feel better and she’s not receiving them. So now I feel rejected.” So that’s the first R. This is the five R parade. We start with rejection. So as I’m sitting there, I’m like, “I don’t like feeling rejected.” So now I’m resentful about feeling rejected. So now I’m resentful towards her that way. So I sit there a little bit longer and then it’s like, “Well fine, you are not gonna talk to me. I’m not gonna talk to you. You’re not gonna look at me, I won’t look at you,” because like that, like reeks of maturity.

Jim: (laughs).

PeggySue: But if you’ve ever given or received the silent treatment, that’s resistance. So it goes from rejection to resentment-

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: … to resistance. And then because my heart is hurting, I want her to know my heart is hurting. And this makes no sense when you think about it, but people generally will then do something to hurt the other person because then you’ll know how I feel.

Jim: Yeah. Kind of equal treatment.

PeggySue: Exactly. So I was just about to do that. And as I’m opening my mouth to say, “So how are you doing with that homework? You keeping those grades above C level?” As I started to say that, I’m like, “Oh, I’m moving into revenge.” That’s the next R. So I’m like, “Okay, I need to not go there.” So instead what I said to her… Actually, let me say that before I said that. If I hadn’t, if I would’ve said that to her, what would she have done? If I would’ve said, “What about that homework? Have you cleaned your bathroom lately?” She’s gonna backpedal. Right? And then I’m gonna feel more rejected.

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: And so then we go into repeat and we make the cycle and we go over and over and over again. And so instead as I got to that revenge place, I was like, “Oh, I’m in the five Rs.” So I said, “Hannah, the story I’m making up in my head right now, is it Saturday you’d rather be anywhere else on the planet than home with your mom because I stink as a parent,” (laughs). And she kind of-

Jim: Wow.

PeggySue: Because I made up that story in my head-

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: … the minute I went into resentment. And so she kind of shakes herself and looks up at me and she said, “I just found out the boy I babysit has leukemia.”

Jim: Ah, gee.

PeggySue: It has nothing to do with me.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Right.

PeggySue: But I made up a story in my head starting with the rejection and went through this five Rs. And then I realized we do this in a lot of places. And those are, those five Rs are the red lights for our relationships. So it’s gonna be rejection and then resentment and resistance and revenge and repeat.

Jim: Yeah. And it just keeps going. We touched on this last time, but we didn’t dig into it. Y- you mentioned kind of the chaos that is created when that split happens and what’s going on. And really the mature parent is trying to find a, the mature Christian parent is trying to find God’s shalom, His peace.

Pam: Exactly.

Jim: And how do you go about doing that? And it, it’s kinda like a jungle, I could imagine that it becomes very difficult to know that piece. One thing you do say in the book that’s important is that you remember God’s promises as meteorites are hitting you left and right, if I could put it that way. I mean, you’re in this like terrible hailstorm of the separation or breakup of a marriage. And then, oh remember God’s promises, aren’t they kind of hard to remember and find in that moment?

PeggySue: We, because so much that we had depended on had not held us up, it had become not stable, we looked for something that was stable. And the one thing that’s stable is the Word of God. So the thing that we did every night, every night, doesn’t matter how late we were out or whatever, every night we did, we read from the scripture and we prayed out loud from, when, going from the youngest to the oldest. And then we memorized scripture. So our Bible time, if we could do the whole thing, it was, you know, reading from the Old Testament, the Psalms, the New Testament through Proverbs, memorizing a scripture, giving a blessing to the children and praying over them before they went to bed. And so I wanted to give them something that they could actually say, “I can count on this.” And at one point too, I went to my mentor and I’m crying and I’m snotting and, and, you know, just all. And she’s like, “You’re concerned you’re not enough.” And I’m like, “How can I be enough for my children? How can I love them enough?” And she said, “You can’t.” She said, “A two parent home can’t fill your child’s heart with all the love they need. The only one that can is the Lord.” And so that was so important to me that as early as possible to introduce them to the source of that stability and that love, to introduce them to Jesus. And then as much as we could memorize scripture and have that hidden in our heart, so that, like you said, when that meteor came, it was like, “Okay, I will, you know, I will remember this.” And we have that trauma brain because something awful has happened in our family. It’s, there’s been a split, but then every time there’s like a holiday and you have to do two holidays now, not one holiday, you have to go through different court situations. You have to go through different, you know, who’s gonna pay for the braces, and is somebody gonna cover the car insurance? And, you know, just the, the hurt that comes over and over and over again. And so there’s a temptation for it to throw you back into trauma brain again and again and again. And so we had to really work very hard to be able to be thinking and to be leaning on something that we could count on and not go into trauma every single time the phone rang or every single time there was a visitation.

Pam: Like, “thy word I’ve hidden my heart that I might not sin against thee.” When we hide God’s Word in our heart, um, it strengthens us whether we’re in a single parent home, a two parent home.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Like, any kinda trauma drama that’s going on in society, like God’s Word will strengthen you. And like a lot of times the single moms, well all busy moms will say this, but, “How do I spend time with God? Like, you have no idea.”

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: “They always want something from me.” And, um, we, I encourage them. “Let’s just be practical. Let’s layer God’s Word throughout your day.”

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Like, get up, turn on, Focus on the Family, let it play in the background. Um, we always played, um, scripture so-

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: … our kids got dressed to the Bible, you know, and it’s just playing in the background of their life on the way there, uh, to school. Then put on some praise music or Adventures in Odyssey. Um, then-

Jim: You’ve got this all down (laughs).

Pam: I know when you get, when you get home, hey have those scripture memory post-it notes all around your mirror when you put on your makeup, and you just layer God’s Word into your life, you know, in little two minute bits. And by the end of the day, it’s fortified you.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

John: Great perspectives from our guests today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Uh, we’re hearing from Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells and they’ve written a terrific book called The 10 Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own. We have copies of that book here at the ministry. Just give us a call, 800 the letter A and the word FAMILY or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And while you’re at the website, sign up for our free Best of 2024 audio collection. Now, these are all top-rated shows from the past year covering everything from spiritual growth to marriage and parenting. It’s an entire library of life giving content that you won’t wanna miss. So sign up today.

Jim: PeggySue, what wise advice did your mentor give you about the impossibility of loving your children as much as they need? And what strikes me with that is a woman’s quick ability to have conviction that she’s not meeting somebody’s need-

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … that combination. So what did that mentor say to you?

PeggySue: She said, “There’s no way that I can love my children enough to be enough. None of us can. Humans cannot.” And so she said the quickest thing that we could do is just make sure that they’re anchored in their faith. They know where to go to find what they need. And getting them to church was helpful too. We had talked about that of surrounding them with other people that are strong in their faith. And 50% of our children are expected to live in a single parent home before age 18. So the mission field that’s out there in your neighborhood, one in four homes, but 50% of all the kids.

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: It’s like you don’t have to, you know, go far. They’re right there and they’re hungry and they want to know, you know, come in and let me tell you about Jesus. Let me show you that there is a seat here for you and there’s a, the door’s open and there’s a place. And let me tell you about Jesus.

Pam: And, you know, that can be in all of our homes, um, we can say, “You know what, there’s space at the table for that child of a single parent mom who has to work. Hey, come to my house after school.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Pam: Um, I have lots of sons that don’t have the last name Farrel, um, because the-

Jim: (laughs).

Pam: … football team came to my house because there’s a lot of single moms who had to work. But I had the privilege and honor of driving their boys around. Um, and they blessed me.

Jim: I’m thinking it might have been lots of food (laughs).

Pam: That was a lot of food. I will give you that. But two of my boys ended up being coaches. And part of the reason why is they know the statistic that more than 50% of kids don’t have a father in their home.

Jim: Let me, this next question fits right in here. Uh, and that is so often when you’re talking or even counseling with especially a teenager, a 20 something about being fatherless. How do you disassociate our Heavenly Father in the right way so that they’re not equating their experience with an earthly father, with an unloving rule enforcing God who just carries a, a, you know, a stick to beat me with if I’m not behaving properly. So how do we rewrite that in their hearts to say, your earthly father’s not your Heavenly Father.

Pam: Right. I’ll share real quick on mine. Um, God said, “I want you to go to the Word and I want you to make a notebook. And every time you learn something about God, the Father, I want you to write it down.” And wow. By the time I got through that year and the end of, you know, from Genesis to Revelation, I found out there is a Heavenly Father, an Abba Father who loves me, who’s faithful, who’s dependable. And, you know, that gave me the ability then, um, to rebuild my relationship with my earthly father because my vertical relationship with God was healthy-

Jim: Well-

Pam: … it expanded to my horizontal relationships.

Jim: Yeah. What’s important there is you had to have some structure to do it.

Pam: Yes.

Jim: And I don’t know that we as adults intentionally know that for our kids that this has been dismantled, a healthy loving father on this earth is gone for them.

Pam: Yeah.

Jim: So how do we recognize that as the adults in their lives and then help them rebuild the scaffolding to get them into a better place, into a relationship with a Heavenly Father who loves them unconditionally.

Pam: Exactly.

Jim: (laughs).

Pam: PeggySue talked about, you know, she had memory verses, the memory verses can be about God the Father, or, um, for this single mom, w- she doesn’t feel loved. And so I had her start in the Psalms and you do just like take this is your love notebook from God and write down every verse that makes you feel loved by God.

Jim: You mention, uh, you used the acronym GPS in the book.

Pam: Oh, right.

Jim: I think this was good. It’s far better than the current, uh, definition of GPS (laughs). So what is your GPS?

Pam: So we taught our boys, those who honor God, God honors, verse in I Samuel. And so before you say or do anything, simply check in with your inner GPS. Does this decision show honor to God, G, people, P, self, S, check in with that inner GPS.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: And if you get a green line on all those, it’s a good, healthy decision.

Jim: No, that’s true.

Pam: And it works for single moms too, as grownups we can use that same, you know, acrostic.

Jim: Absolutely. Uh, PeggySue, I’d like you to react to this story. And I’ve shared it before, only once or twice, but I, the letter made a huge impact on me here at Focus. And it was, you know, a while back, but this woman who was probably 32 or 33 wrote me this note. And this is right in your wheelhouse and that’s why I’m sharing it with you so you can give me and all of us listening some perspective. So at seven years old, her dad took her to breakfast and said, “Listen, mommy and I aren’t getting along. It’s not your fault.” I thought, “Well that’s good.” Those are all the right things to say. “But, uh, we’re going to not live together anymore. We’re not gonna be married, but I’ll see you every other weekend and I’ll see you for two whole weeks in the summer, you’ll come and be with me.” And she was writing this letter now at 32, about a time when she was seven. And she said, “That was the last time I saw my father.”

PeggySue: Yeah.

Jim: Right.

PeggySue: Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: And she said, and here’s the connection going back to the rebuilding of the Heavenly Father’s position ’cause the earthly father did such damage.

PeggySue: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But she said, I got into so many bad relationships looking for a, a father’s love in the men that I would meet. And that is such a common story, that hole in a woman’s, a girl’s heart, particularly saying, “I’m not lovable.”

PeggySue: Right.

Jim: It’s crushing.

PeggySue: Right. A single parent home is still a family. And in that single parent home, we still learn people’s skills that are going to take us into our life. It is still something that God can use. He’s at work even in this. And so people would say, “Well, do you think God’s big enough to handle this?” I’m like, “I’m sure He is big enough to handle it. I just don’t know if He will.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

PeggySue: “I think He’s gonna withhold from me because that was my experience in the past with what the men and, you know, the authority people in my life, the men would be, they would just withhold that affection, withhold that relationship.” And so I think it’s really helpful then to be able to walk alongside someone because that was where working with a mentor where I could go and say, “Yes, I think He’s gonna withhold.” And then we’d be like, “Great, let’s go through scripture and let’s see what does it really say about God?” And so I found I had to come to all those places where I found a check or a, a place where I couldn’t trust the Lord or the place where I’m like hurt or where I’m heartbroken or you let me down or you let my kids down. As I would find those, I learned to dig down and to go through scripture. What does scripture say? And then I literally was able to replace the lies with the truth. And that is so hard to do. And what happens is parents, we don’t know the stories that our kids have told themselves about what happened in that moment. And so staying really connected with the kids and being able to like, “Just how do you feel about this?” And I would see things come down. I would see a face change. And I would say, “What did you just hear,” as I was talking to one of the kids? “Well you said I’m stupid and I can’t do it. ‘No I didn’t.’” But what I learned to say was, “I understand that’s what you heard. Let me try again.” And then I would talk some more until we would finally have an understanding. We have to keep finding out that when it, when what I feel and what’s going on in my head doesn’t align with what scripture says, I’m the one that’s needing to come back and see what’s the lie I’m believing, dig it out and replace it with truth.

Jim: Yeah. But it’s so good. We’re right at the end. But I think people are getting the idea of how-

John: Yeah.

Jim: … content rich this resource is. You’ve both done a great job with this book and I hope people gobble it up. Two parent (laughs) families should be reading this material frankly. But right at the end here, you know, we’ve got probably two, 3 million people engaging us right now.

PeggySue: Right.

Jim: So there’s gonna be a number of single parent moms that are probably looking for help and hope. Speak to her one-on-one each of you, just take 30 seconds, a minute. What would you say to her if she were sitting right in front of you?

Pam: You know, Psalm 68:5 says that, “God will be a father to the fatherless.” So God sees your children and God loves your children just like you love your children and probably more. And He loves you ’cause you’re one of His children. And He will rebuild you. He will renew you, He will strengthen you and fortify you. And your today is not your forever. And God has a plan, a future, and a hope. And one of the most healthy things I saw my mom do is turn around and help other single moms.

Jim: Wow.

Pam: So she comes to church and her purse is packed with candies and crayons-

Jim: (laughs).

Pam: … and goodies for all the kids of single moms.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: And, um, she has gift cards to take that single mom out to lunch. You know, turn around and help somebody else, and you know what? Your life will be enriched.

Jim: Boy, that’s-

Pam: Because God will bless you for it.

Jim: Yeah. And that’s the Christian story, right?

Pam: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Turn around and help somebody else. How about you PeggySue?

PeggySue: To know that again, it’s an experience, it is not your identity. Um, single is a relationship status but mom is always, and God is at work even in this. And I wish I had been able to more quickly start moving and looking forward rather than always looking in the rearview mirror ’cause I can’t fix what’s back there.

Jim: Yeah.

PeggySue: And holding onto that is, is like having an anchor. But to be able to say, “Okay, what do you have for me now, God? You have me here in this moment. Where are we going? Move me forward. Help me not to carry the, the junk, to let that go. And then just to be able to walk forward.” And God called us to love people and to love Him. So in this moment, what does l- love require? Let me walk in that love and let me walk forward.

Jim: Boy. And that is really freeing. I could feel that because so many women looking in that rearview mirror wear that as guilt that they couldn’t fix it.

PeggySue: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jim: And they’ve got to cut loose of that and rest in the Lord and the future, like you said.

Pam: Well, all things are new.

Jim: Yeah.

Pam: Life is too short to live looking in the rearview mirror.

John: Well, what reassurances we heard today from PeggySue Wells and Pam Farrel on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I really appreciate how they encouraged single parents to rest in God and His promises.

Jim: Well, their message was so insightful and I appreciate how they brought a sense of peace and security to single moms, single dads too, reminding them they are not alone. And let me remind you, this is why Focus on the Family exists. I’ll tell you what, it’s a privilege and an honor to walk in every day with the goal of helping you in your family struggles. We all have them. Nobody’s perfect. We’ve been at this 47, 48 years now, John.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, we’ve heard I think just about anything. So don’t be embarrassed. Get ahold of us if you need help and let us help you. And if you’re not in a spot, uh, where you’re struggling, maybe you can help us help these families, that would be great. And also you can tap into the counselors. Uh, they give a free consultation. They will pray with you, talk with you, and recommend other resources that will help you in your healing.

John: Yeah. Our donor community makes it possible for us to offer those counseling services and, uh, to provide so much more to help you as a family. Now we do have that book, uh, by Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells. The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own, which offers, uh, great wisdom and insights for you as a single mom. Help is just a phone call away. Our number is 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. And when you make a donation of any amount to the ministry of Focus on the Family today, we’ll send that book to you. And, uh, right now there’s a matching gift opportunity. Uh, some friends of the ministry have offered to match your contribution dollar for dollar. So give families hope. Uh, when you donate today, see your donation doubled. And, uh, we’ll send that book to you. Our phone number again, 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY. Or you can donate generously and get the book at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And tomorrow we’re going to have another Best of 2024 program. As John Burke shares amazing testimonies from people who have had near death experiences and what they learned about the God of the Bible.

John Burke: What people say in God’s presence is that every relationship we have on Earth is just a metaphor of this relationship we were meant to have with the one who created us.

Jim: That makes perfect sense.

John Burke: Even, I mean, not only child to parent, friend to friend, best friend who knows you and gets you and does things with you, but also spouse to spouse.

John: Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.