Day One:
Preview:
Pam Farrel: Psalms 27 says, um, “He will keep me safe in His dwelling. He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent.” And that’s really a promise from God that h- He will take care of you, single mom. He will shelter you if you give Him a chance.
End of Preview
John Fuller: That’s Pam Farrel offering encouragement for single moms, and she’s with us today along with her co-author and friend, PeggySue Wells. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and we’re looking back at our Best of 2024 episodes. Thanks for joining us, I’m John Fuller.
Jim Daly: John, did you know that one in four homes is led by a single parent?
John: I did not. That’s a staggering number.
Jim: Yeah, I think it represents somewhere around 20 million children too.
John: Wow.
Jim: So a high number of children are living in a single-parent household. And, uh, man, I imagine many single parents never thought their marriages would fail, or it could be a situation where, uh, you know, a person is a widow or widower and that’s the situation they’re in. We don’t know all reasons for single parenting, but circumstances happen and there it is. Uh, we want to help you. We wanna come alongside you. You are doing probably the hardest job in the world, and you’re doing it with one hand tied behind your back.
John: Hm.
Jim: And we wanna recognize that. We typically lean toward talking about a single-parent mom, because the predominant number of single parents are moms, uh, but we recognize that dads are there. We see you, and we want you to know that. And a lot of the content we’re gonna talk about today, you can translate into your experience. So don’t feel like we’re ignoring you. Uh, we want to, though, help, uh, all of you, and single-parent moms are the predominant structure that we see, so…
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: We’ll be talking about that today.
John: Yeah, we’ve got help, by the way, at the ministry for all kinds of families, wherever you’re at. Uh, but this conversation features, as I said, Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells. Uh, they’re both authors and speakers, and Pam, uh, is married to Bill. You’ve heard them before on this show and, uh, seen them on the Focus website. PeggySue has seven children, and as we’ll hear, she raised them on her own. And these two ladies have authored a book, uh, together called The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own. Stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, uh, to find your copy, or give us a call if you have any questions. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY.
Jim: Pam and PeggySue, welcome to Focus.
Pam: Thanks for having us.
PeggySue Wells: Nice to be here.
Jim: Yeah, it’s so good to have you.
PeggySue: Thank you.
Jim: And, uh, uh, PeggySue, is this your first time on the broadcast?
PeggySue: It is.
Jim: Wow.
Pam: Woo-hoo!
PeggySue: But I have watched all my life (laughs).
Jim: Yeah, that’s so, so great. And we’re gonna unfold your stories, but we’re already thinking sainthood for you, given that you raised seven kids on your own.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: We’re all going, “Aw.” That’s am- I mean, that right there is very amazing, seven kids. What was the age spread of those children?
PeggySue: The oldest was graduating high school and getting ready to start her life, the youngest was a year old, and that’s when my single parent journey began, was when she was one.
Jim: Wow, that… Yeah, I’m looking forward to hearing that, ’cause that had to take so much resourcefulness on your part to do that, and I’m sure a lot of moms are going, “Okay, I have two kids and she had seven. I can learn from her.”
John: Hm.
Jim: And we’ll talk about that. But let’s start with both of you just describing, um, why you created this resource, this great book, 10 Best Decisions, and how did you get to 10 best decisions?
Pam: (laughs)
Jim: (laughs) I mean, I’m always wondering. Did God give you a dream or what?
John: Yeah.
Pam: (laughs) So the 10 part…
Jim: (laughs)
Pam: That’s where, uh, my side comes in. PeggySue was working on a radio station on, I was a frequent guest, um, there, and, and talked about parenting a lot, and Harvest House has our series, 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make, a Single Can Make, a Woman Can Make, a Man Can Make. Okay, if I write 10 Best Decisions a Dog Can Make, you just gotta stop me.
Jim: (laughs)
Pam: Right? But we had talked a lot about parenting off-air, not just on-air, and when I heard that she’s a single mom of seven, you know, I’m, like, excited to learn about PeggySue, and so we had a lot of, uh, friendship conversations off-air. So then one day, PeggySue called me.
PeggySue: And I said, “Would you partner with me on writing this book?” And she said, “Oh, you need to probably just go find another single mom to write with who’s, you know, an author.” And I said, “No, Pam, I am gonna pursue you,” because Pam’s mom was a single mom. So Pam is the promise. This is not your identity, this is your experience.
Jim: Hm.
PeggySue: And you can still be fine. You know, God is gonna work-
Jim: Mm-hmm, yeah.
PeggySue: …even in this.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
PeggySue: The kids might turn out, yes, it is possible (laughs)
Pam: The kids will be fine.
Jim: Well, that’s a good place to start, Pam. Let’s, uh, turn your direction. You were the child.
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: I was also raised in a single-parent, mom household, so I can identify with you.
Pam: Your story makes me cry.
Jim: Well… (laughs)
Pam: I, like, love it.
Jim: The…
Pam: It’s so inspiring.
Jim: But in your situation, what happened? What broke apart?
Pam: Right. My… So I’m the firstborn daughter of an alcoholic dad-
Jim: Hm.
Pam: …with severe rage issues. Like, I always thought that I would, like, make the headlines, but not for a good reason. More like, man shoots family then shoots himself. Lot of domestic violence in the home that I grew up in.
Jim: Hm.
Pam: My dad was crippled by… Like, emotionally, uh, handicapped and crippled, tormented by the alcohol-
Jim: Hm.
Pam: …that he had consumed since-
Jim: That’s so sad.
Pam: …he was basically a child.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: Like, alcohol runs in my family tree like sap. It goes back many generations.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: And so, uh, my mom, she tried her best to hang in there and make the marriage work, um, for quite a while. Uh, and then in my high school years, things started getting worse and worse. And my mom was kind of a s- functional single mom most of my childhood, just because my dad traveled for work, so he was gone five days and only home on the weekends. And then the weekends were scary.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: And, um, so that’s kind of the home that I grew up in. Um, but my, my mom’s best friend, uh, she saw the chaos that we were living in, and when I was about seven, she invited us to come to church. And there I met people who loved Jesus, and I’m like, “This is what love looks like. Oh, I wanna know the all through Jesus.” So I was eight when I made the decision to come to know Christ in a personal way and my mom was 28. So we kinda grew up in our faith together.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: And, um, by the time I was, um, a senior in high school, things were getting very scary, and my dad, um, kept getting promoted despite… Like, he was brilliant, but despite his alcoholism, he kept getting promoted in his company, so they moved, um, about the same time as I started college. And I kept getting frantic calls from my brother and sister who are younger than me, um, like, “Should we call the police? Mom’s… Like, she’s sitting in the shower, she’s been there all day. Um, she’s like, has a toothbrush, she’s cleaning the grout, and she’s been there for eight hours.” And, “Pam, can you c- you come home? Can’t you come home?” So the, the firstborn daughter in me, you know, wanted to rush home to help my mom. And, um, so things came to, like, a decision point, um, because my mom had this fracture with reality that day my sister called, and, um, she, my sister was wise enough to, um, call one of my mom’s friends who was in AlAnon with her. And, um, she said, “We need to get her to the doctor.”
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: And I don’t know this doctor, but I’m so grateful for this doctor who said, “Anne, your husband may kill you.” Because he had tried to throw my mom out of the second-story sliding glass door of the patio that week. “He… You can stay and your husband may kill you. You can stay and you might snap and you would kill him. Either one of those, your kids won’t have a parent. Or you could stay and lose your mind, and then who would raise your kids? Or you could separate, hoping your husband will get help for his alcoholism.”
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Pam: “And you can rescue your kids, because it is dangerous where you live.” And I’m so grateful for that doctor, because my mom said, “You’re right.” And she finally that night got the courage to call her parents.
Jim: The other, the other component of that, as I read the book, was, uh, he also said, “You could medicate, but I’m not gonna write a prescription.”
Pam: Right, he would not write a prescription.
Jim: That is big.
Pam: Yes.
Jim: Because I think too few doctors in today’s culture would refuse the medication.
Pam: Right.
Jim: Which sobered her up.
Pam: He’s like, “I could, you could become nu- you could become numb, but you wouldn’t be a good parent then, either.”
Jim: Yeah, yeah.
Pam: Like, he was really watching out for us kids.
Jim: That was amazing, I thought.
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: I thought that was really good.
Pam: He’s a great doctor.
Jim: And Pam, that… Ah, I mean, my heart goes out to you. I mean, that oldest daughter, getting that phone call. You bore all the responsibility trying to be the stable one in the household-
Pam: Trying to be, yeah (laughs).
Jim: …that was chaotic. No, I get it. I mean, I was the youngest of five, so… But that burden. You are an adult child.
Pam: Right.
Jim: That’s what that environment creates out of you.
Pam: Yes, right.
Jim: To which people go, “Oh, yeah, okay. So God equipped you to be an author and successful, uh, speaker with your husband.” And I remember doing some counseling with Jean and the people were like, “Oh, yeah, that’s a tough life, Jim, but it gave you the tools to be CEO of Focus.”
Pam: (laughs)
Jim: “Now let’s move, uh, over to Jean. Jean?” And you know…
Pam: Oh man, wait.
Jim: I’m going, “Wait a minute, wait a minute.”
Pam: Wait.
Jim: “I want some sympathy here.” But it, it-
Pam: Can we unpack this just a little bit more? (laughs)
Jim: It does create… You know, you have to make decisions earlier.
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: You become either broken or responsible. And for those that are able to grow up responsibly in that. The other thing is, you learn not to do what they did.
Pam: Exactly.
Jim: I’m sure that was your experience too. Mine too. I’m not gonna become what my father was, w- who was also an alcoholic.
Pam: Exactly.
Jim: So you learn from it if you can, if you have the wisdom. And then you have to decide how you don’t, you know, kinda carry the burden of that, too.
Pam: What was key about what you said is that you have to make the decision-
Jim: (laughs) Yeah.
Pam: …not to do those patterns, and that’s where part of the, the book title, 10 Best Decisions, is because the single mom and the children, when that relationship splits, it’s a trauma.
Jim: Hm.
Pam: And then her brain, the thinking part of the brain goes offline and we go into trauma mode. And trauma mode is fight, flight, freeze, or please. And you’re in that, so you’re reacting, you’re not responding. And so there’s no way to, like, get out of that except to have someone either help you or walk through some steps or something where you can finally trigger your brain to come back online and start thinking again. And so with the book, we said, “Let’s take you through some very important steps. Follow these, walk with us, and then as you go through this, pretty soon you’re gonna be thinking again and you’ll be able to make those decisions.”
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: Because that’s a lot of times, you’ll look at a single mom, you’re watching her wife, life, you’re watching her behavior, and you’re like, “What is she thinking?” And then you see the children that are down at the principal’s office on a regular basis because of their behavior, and everybody’s saying, “What are they thinking?” And it’s because they’re not thinking, it’s impossible, they can’t. They’re in trauma brain. And so she’s reacting, and the children, the only way they can show they have a broken heart is through their behavior. And so they’re not bad kids, they’re kids with a broken heart.
Jim: Yeah, it’s a very good point.
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Uh, I think this is good for the listeners and the viewers, to connect with where you’re coming from, and so I appreciate that vulnerability, Pam.
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: PeggySue, uh, you have a different story in the single motherhood journey. Uh, describe what happened with you and your husband. How old were the kids? What was going on?
PeggySue: Yeah, the oldest was graduating high school and the youngest was a year old, and it was kinda the same thing, where there’d been a lot of travel in the career, so there would be times where, you know, it was just me and the kids motoring along, doing fine, and then, you know, he would come home for a while, and then he’d be gone again. And we just kinda, like, had life like that for a while. And then things just began to escalate. And as they began escalating, it finally reached a point where I had to say… You know, we just all gathered together in the family room and I said, “You know, this isn’t a good situation. You know, it’s not good for kids to see that this is how adults, uh, interact. It’s not good for us to, you know, have that this is what family looks like. It’s damaging. So we have to make a decision. We have to decide if we’re gonna make some shifts here, or we have to decide that I have to put some boundaries up, that this has to be safe for the family.” And so everybody got to make a choice, and, you know, people do what they do for their own reasons. I think it has everything to do with me. The truth is that really, we do what we do for our own reasons and they make choices based on what we, what we have to do internally. And interestingly, that choice, even though they’re making it because of their own reasons, it can have a Grand Canyon-sized impact on the people around you based on the choices. But yeah, he chose out, you know, and that was his choice, and we have, have done our best with what we have.
Jim: Describe that, uh, so, again, husbands can better understand what took place there. I mean, y- you two talked about it.
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: You were trying to be adult about it, but-
PeggySue: And we did so much counseling.
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: We tried all the counseling, all the books, all the prayers, all the fasting, all the mentoring. I mean, we really worked hard. I know when it was… Uh, it was at the end where I’m like, “There is nothing more that I know of that I could do physically, emotionally, spiritually. I, I, I’ve done all the things that I can possibly know to do.”
Jim: And his point was, “It’s too hard, I’m done.”
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: “I’m checking out.”
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: I… You know, again, being the person I am, the place I came from, I can’t believe a man would leave you with seven kids.
PeggySue: It’s more, though…
Jim: I mean, that’s, that’s rough.
PeggySue: What… But it’s also what is their experience and what are they working through. You see what I’m saying?
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: So I can’t…
Jim: I get that.
PeggySue: Yeah.
Jim: But as a man, uh-uh.
Pam: (laughs)
PeggySue: (laughs)
Jim: Sorry. It’s still you’re leaving your wife, even if you’re not getting along. But you’re leaving seven kids.
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: That, that’s almost an insurmountable mountain for you and the kids.
PeggySue: And we do-
Jim: I’m sorry to be that rough on that, but it… It just, like… Wow.
PeggySue: No, but we do pray that men would rise up and-
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: …do what you say and not walk out.
Jim: Well-
PeggySue: That we do pray.
Jim: And again, I, I so appreciate your tenderness, and, you know, I’m sure we all had family of origin issues.
PeggySue: Hm, exactly.
Jim: But at some point, as believers, we gotta say, “Okay, we’re gonna break those chains.” I know I’m coming across as a little cold, but it really irks me-
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: …that we don’t live up to what we profess.
John: Hm.
Jim: And, you know, we need to. I think if the church acted more Christlike, we’d have greater healing-
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: …in our families, and men particularly. It needs to start with us as leaders-
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: …to do the things we need to do, even out of obligation. That’s okay, that’s a good call.
PeggySue: Right.
Jim: But okay, so he left. What do you do day one? How do you get your kids together and go, “All right, everybody, here’s what’s happening”? That’s… I mean, one-year-old up to a senior in high school, that’s a broad spectrum of explanation.
PeggySue: It breaks everyone’s heart. Everyone just has a broken heart. Everybody feels betrayed. One of my, one of my kids said, “Everything I thought was true about our family was a lie.” And I kinda had to go back and say, “It wasn’t all a lie, but I understand.” That’s the level of betrayal-
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: …that you feel from someone that you think is gonna stay with you and be there all the time.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
PeggySue: So yeah, so we had to work through that. And I have adult kids that are-
Jim: Hm.
PeggySue: …functioning, contributing part of society. I’m just so proud of them. I like to say I had good material to work with. They’re doing well. But they will always have a broken heart.
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: And like you said about, you know, things that we’ve gone through, sometimes it’s like we’ve gotta leverage this either as a tool to move forward or we can drown in it.
Jim: Well, and I, yeah, I applaud you giving the kids that kind of, uh, path, you know? The Lord certainly sets the path, but a good parent in this kind of situation, in your case, a good mom-
PeggySue: Mm-hmm.
Jim: …which was my story, with a good mom, uh, laying the foundation that the Lord could use to build on. That’s not easy, but it’s doable.
Pam: It is, and you know what? I wanna give my mom credit. She’s like my hero.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: Because she went from that broken place to, like, seeking Jesus with her whole heart. And when I began a friendship with PeggySue, I saw her as a hero. I mean, seven kids, wow. And she’s an amazing mom. And so we thought through what are those decisions, what are those smart decisions that PeggySue made, that my mom made, that gave our kids, gave me and then PeggySue’s kids, that head start.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: That ability to heal, the ability to move forward in life. And on the front cover of, um, 10 Best Decisions a Single Could Make, there’s two umbrellas. And people are like, “Why do you have umbrellas on there?”
Jim: And they’re not even pink and blue.
Pam: Right? (laughs)
Jim: (laughs)
Pam: And-
Jim: They’re all of them red.
Pam: Right. And they really… The top umbrella is that God is our shelter. And in Psalms 27, it says, um, “He will keep me safe in His dwelling. He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent.” And that’s really a promise from God.
Jim: Hm.
Pam: That h- He will take care of you, single mom. He will shelter you if you give Him a chance. And then, um, the second umbrella is the single mom and the promise that He will send showers of blessing. That’s what we pray, that as a result of the contents of 10 Best Decisions a Single Can, Single Mom Can Make, that those decisions, those choices will become a life that God can bless, her, the kids, their future.
John: And this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. You’re hearing from the heart. Uh, our guests are Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells, as they encourage single parents and their very important role. Uh, the book that is a terrific resource, written by our guests, is The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make. And as Jim said earlier, these are principles that any single parent can apply, so contact us today for a copy. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. And we’ve also got details, of course, at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And while you’re there, be sure to sign up for our free audio collection. It’s our Best of 2024 programs. Uh, you’ll gain access to an entire library of trusted faith-building, parenting, and marriage shows, and so sign up today.
Jim: And again, I just wanna say this because we’ll hear from the single parent dads, we know you’re there and, uh, the shoe is probably on the other foot. It was your spouse, perhaps, that said, “I’m done” and left you with the kids, and, and we get that. So apply the principles, and, uh, we know this applies to you too, and you also have one arm tied behind your back and we get that.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Um, uh, let me go to both of you. What are the dangers of stuffing emotions when you’re going through this kind of hardship, like a divorce or a separation?
PeggySue: Hm.
Jim: I, I, I mean, it’s easy to do, “Let’s not talk about it in front of the kids. Uh, let’s…” And of course, the kids… As a kid in that situation, and Pam, I’ll ask you first, uh, you know something’s not right as that child. I mean, it happened to me when I was five and I could tell something wasn’t right.
Pam: Right.
Jim: And all of a sudden, dad wasn’t around much or at all. Uh, but you didn’t feel like you could say, “Uh, w- where’s dad?” Because there was something wrong about talking about it.
John: Hm.
Jim: Does that make sense?
Pam: It does. Uh, I think the harder part, um, for my mom and I, because I was older-
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: …um, I became like a confidant.
Jim: Hm.
Pam: Uh, to my mom, and… But she was wise enough to realize, “Oh, my goodness, Pam shouldn’t have to be my counselor. I need to get a good counselor.”
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: “I need to go talk to my pastor. I need to find a Christian counselor.” So that was one of her first best decisions that she made, is she surrounded herself with support system, um, other single parents that had moved forward in life. And so she, she made a lot of decisions very quickly, um, moving us out… She moved us out to California, back home to where her, um, parents lived, and so we lived right-
Jim: Oh, so you had support?
Pam: Yes.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: Like, right down the street-
Jim: That’s good.
Pam: …from wonderful grandparents. Um, and we went there a lot because they were stable and encouraging and grandpa was like a male role model-
Jim: Sure.
Pam: …for my brother, especially.
Jim: Healthy.
Pam: Yeah. And so there were some big decisions that she made quickly, and sometimes that’s really tough to do, because you’re selling the house, you’re, like, splitting finances, there’s lawyers, it, it’s a lot. And so we always encourage, um, single moms, like, “Don’t go through it alone.” When Bill and I were pastoring, um, we had a two-step process. And so, uh, a woman would come, you know, in for counseling, or the couple may even have been counseling with Bill and then, you know, the guy opts out. Um, um, we get the single mom in a room with her best friends from the church. They’re healthy, and, um, her family maybe from the area. And we say, “Okay, we need a crisis plan, six to eight weeks, and then we’ll work on the long-term plan to move you and the kids forward.”
Jim: Oh, that’s so healthy. Wow. PeggySue, uh, from a mom’s perspective, that stuffing of the emotions. I mean, some of that, what Pam is describing, is wisdom. So it’s not, like, completely healthy to just unload.
PeggySue: And it’s like you said, it’s not ideal, the situation’s not ideal, but it is our real.
Jim: (laughs) Yeah.
PeggySue: So we have to deal with our real. And one of the things that was really important was to be able to still have those feelings, because I h- lived through a place of, “This just hurts too much. I’m just gonna shut it all down.” But they’re like grapes. You know, our emotions are like grapes, so if I shut that down, then I don’t have the love and the joy and the happiness that goes with it. So you have to be bold and courageous and brave enough to feel all the feelings, because that’s what makes us human. And so I would… We made some rules in our home because everybody was in a different stage at a different time. So somebody would be fine, somebody else would be-
Jim: Hm.
PeggySue: …just terrible, somebody else would be angry, somebody else would think it was, you know, everything was good, and somebody else would be like, you know, worst day ever. So we kinda had to put some ground rules, which said you can feel what you feel and we want you to feel it. However, you cannot take it out on someone else and you also cannot demand that that person change how they feel. So feel your feelings, but it cannot come out on others, and you, we will honor you. This is where you are right now.
Jim: Wow.
PeggySue: And that’s where you are right now.
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: And it’s gonna shift.
Jim: I would think that really helped the kids regulate their emotions.
PeggySue: Because they-
Jim: I mean, in, in a healthy way, not to stuff them down-
PeggySue: Yeah.
Jim: …but to release them appropriately.
PeggySue: Because we need to be able to feel them-
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: …in order to be whole and healthy, and then to be whole and healthy for our relationships that we will be involved in and that we’re involved with now.
Jim: Yeah, that’s really good. Le- let’s turn a little corner and talk about elements of fun in a, you know, an environment that easily says, “Hey, why are you having fun? There’s nothing to have fun about here.”
PeggySue: We had not smiled for a while, and I realized it one time, and I’m like, “Okay, life has to keep going. I can’t just crumble,” even though I felt like it. And one of my daughters needed to get her driver’s license, and so I’m like, “Okay, I’ve got to get her parallel parking so we can, you know, finish this permit and she can get the license. I have to move forward.” So I said to the kids, “Okay, I’m, I’m gonna take her driving, get her practice in.” Everybody else was like, “We’re coming.” And they all pile into our nine-pass- or our twelve-passenger van, so we’re all in there. And she… The reason they came is because she’s really spastic, and so we’re like, you know, jerking in the car and-
Pam: (laughs)
PeggySue: …almost crashing into things, and we laughed. We started laughing and laughing and laughing, and in that moment, I realized my face hadn’t laughed in months. I mean, just-
Jim: It hurt.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Your cheeks hurt.
PeggySue: Yeah, it hurt. And then we were laughing so hard that, you know, there were some people that, you know, maybe have wet their pants. I’m not naming names, but…
Pam: (laughs)
PeggySue: It was good fun. And I since realized that fun is part of helping everybody to be able to have a healthy life. And then one of the other ways that we did that was, um, we would go visit places. We needed to get away from our home and realize that our problems were this big, but the world is this big and God is this big. And so it put, uh, things back in perspective.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
PeggySue: And then each of the kids, I would say to them, “What is your interest? What do you wanna do?” And so somebody wanted to raise animals and somebody wanted to play music and somebody wanted to be in the Civil Air Patrol. And so everybody, we, we sent them to all their things so that they could develop and they could have fun with other people and they could laugh with them, and… And then we would also watch a comedy video every so often. Like, if we hadn’t laughed in a while, there was a, every Friday night, there was a comedy video on, and now my family speaks to each other in video quotes, you know, movie quotes.
Pam: (laughs)
Jim: (laughs)
PeggySue: Movie quotes and book quotes. We had to laugh.
Jim: Hm.
PeggySue: And it was very, very healthy.
Jim: Yeah, that’s so good. Hey, in the book… And we’re right at the end here, so let’s come back for another day and keep this discussion going if you can.
PeggySue: I’d love to.
Jim: But right at the end, uh, maybe to tease this up for next time, uh, in the book, you talk about five roots of conflict that break out in family. Let’s just list the five and describe them briefly.
PeggySue: They are rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, and repeat.
Jim: Yeah, and which one stands out for you? Not that there’s a, uh, favorite in that category, ’cause they’re all pretty negative, but-
PeggySue: It all starts with rejection.
Jim: Yeah.
PeggySue: It all starts, that is the beginning of the five R parade, is when I feel rejected, and then I go through the rest of the Rs, and then we have damage to our relationship.
Jim: Well, why don’t we pick up there next time, and we’ll go through those a little more slowly and explore them? Can we do that?
PeggySue: Yeah.
John: Well, what a moving conversation with Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. There is a lot more to come next time.
Jim: Pam and PeggySue, uh, gave us some solid footholds for single moms, and I so appreciate that, and dads too. We know being a single parent is not an easy journey, uh, but we’re here to help you. Know that you can come to Focus on the Family. Uh, you are doing a difficult job and we wanna support you. We’re here for you, that’s the clear message we wanna give you. And we have caring Christian counselors who you can talk with, and they will pray with you and suggest other resources as you move forward in your healing and develop the hope that the Lord wants in all of us. We also have Pam and PeggySue’s terrific book, The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own.
John: Yeah, and as you heard, it’s a useful guide for single moms that, uh, will help your family remain healthy and thriving, and that is needed now more than ever, it seems.
Jim: And John, we’ve seen, uh, you’re full of stressful politics, financial challenges, unbelievable social changes, and those pressures that just seem to keep mounting, and struggling families could really use some hope, I mean, that we can get this job done, staying married together, having a marriage that lasts, raising our kids in such a way that they are healthy and productive. Most of all, to share the hope that Jesus Christ came to give us, and that’s eternal life in Him. Uh, you can come alongside hurting individuals to give families that hope through your support of Focus on the Family. And with today being Giving Tuesday, a global day of giving following Thanksgiving, we would be blessed and honored if you choose to support Focus on the Family. And when you give a gift of any amount today, we’ll send you a copy of The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make as our way of saying thank you. Also, we know that your finances could be stretched as a single parent. Just get in touch with us, we’ll trust others will cover the cost of getting that book to you.
John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, donate today generously as you can, and through a special matching gift opportunity, your year-end donation will be doubled dollar for dollar. God is gonna use your gifts to bring healing and redemption to twice the families. So donate today and get your copy of The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make, uh, when you stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or give us a call, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we continue the conversation with Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells, and once again, help you and your family thrive in Christ.
