Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Day One

Preview

Jodie Berndt: My favorite parenting teen prayer comes out of Philippians 2:13. That verse says, “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” In other words, He’s giving you, He’s giving your teens the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. We think it’s on us, “I gotta get my kid to think and say and do, you know, the right thing.”

End of Preview

John Fuller: Mm-hmm. That’s Jodie Berndt describing a parent’s passion for the protection and wellbeing of their child, especially during the teen years. And we’ll hear more from Jodie today. It’s a Best of 2024 episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Thanks for joining us. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: Uh, we know a lot of moms and dads that may have an underlying sense of fear. Uh, dads may struggle with that. They don’t see it as fear, but you feel a little helpless …

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … um, because the challenges teenagers face today seems so much bigger and greater than what our generation dealt with when we were growing up. But as 2 Timothy 1 reminds us, “God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control,” and that means you don’t need to be afraid of your teen’s environment. God’s got this and He loves your teenager more than you ever could. I know that seems odd, but He does. That means your role and my role is to pray for our children and share our concerns and fears with the Lord and do all we can do, but then hand them over to God. And you’re gonna hear our guest today who will bring lots of encouragement and practical advice about how you can use God’s Word to pray more effectively over your teens.

John: Yeah. This is, uh, really gonna be a great conversation. Our guest and good friend Jodie Berndt is, uh, a speaker. She’s a Bible teacher. She’s written, uh, a number of books, uh, about Praying the Scriptures for Your Marriage and for your family. And today, you’ll hear about Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens. And you can learn more about that book and our guest at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Jodie, welcome back to Focus on the Family.

Jodie: Oh, thank you so much, Jim. It’s great to be here, but I’ll tell you, I don’t know that we have much to talk about. I think in that intro …

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: … you just nailed it. You said, “There’s problems out there. God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear and He invites us to pray.” Done. Right? (laughs)

Jim: That’s true, but man, putting it into practice is another issue.

Jodie: Oh, it is. I know.

Jim: So that’s why we’re gonna talk today and tomorrow about this topic. So good that Robbie, your husband, is in the gallery there and joining.

Jodie: Yay, Robbie.

Jim: It’s nice that he traveled with you.

Jodie: He’s- yeah.

Jim: Way to go, Robbie. Hey, um, that is, you know, part of it, uh, this fear factor that many parents have. And, you know, Jean and I fit in that camp too. Uh, when you’re parenting children, there are gonna be times when you’re going, “Okay, can I really trust the Lord?” …

Jodie: Right.

Jim: … if you’re honest and, “Things may not be going the way that I anticipated, they should go, and in this, can I really trust the Lord?” So I guess generally, the, the idea is, you know, every mountain a molehill, every molehill a mountain. That’s kinda how Jean (laughs) reacted …

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: … you know? We’re always saying, “Okay, is this a mountain or a molehill?” Speak to that issue of discernment, I guess, and, uh, what parenting is like today, just whacking down all these threats that we see.

Jodie: Well, I don’t know. I would wonder if every generation doesn’t think we’re in the hardest time.

Jim: I think that’s true.

Jodie: I, I don’t know that, but, but those mountain-molehill, uh, distinguishing characteristics, you know, how can you tell, “Is this something to really worry about? Is this something to not?” And I think that’s where prayer really does come in because we don’t know all the answers. We don’t know our teens’ hearts. We don’t even know where they are some of the time physically and we certainly don’t always know where they are emotionally. But the beautiful thing is that God does. You know, He searches hearts. His understanding, scripture says, has no limit. So even though we might not know, He does and we can ask Him to equip us with that kind of discernment, and as you said in the intro, again, to give us a spirit of self-control, of confidence, a sound mind, not so that we have to be victims of fear.

Jim: And I wanna, the parents that are listening or watching on YouTube, um, I just wanna encourage you to stick with this ’cause we’re not gonna dance around t- the tough issues. We’ll talk about the teens that are, uh, prodigals and doing difficult things and how do we pray for them really. You’re gonna pray for them, Jodie. You, you know, we’ll get to all of that. But I think generally speaking, um, what’s the encouragement that you would give us right from the get-go here about praying for our teenagers? How did you pray for your teenagers? Let’s just ask that question.

Jodie: How did I pray? Well, you know, I, I prayed a lot. I, uh, I-

Jim: That’s very honest and you’re very honest in the book about …

Jodie: Yeah, I didn’t think-

Jim: … difficulties.

Jodie: I, I wasn’t planning to write the book. Um-

Jim: This is the one you didn’t wanna write?

Jodie: Uh, this, I didn’t wanna write this one. I had written Praying the Scriptures for Your Children and that book covered, I don’t know, 20, 24 different topics about their faith and their character and their future-

Jim: Taking care of their boo-boos.

Jodie: All of that.

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: Um, but I had written in there about their future, their marriage partner, their purpose in life. And then I’ll never forget, our, our daughter came home, um, and there was a guy with her and he was wearing a t-shirt that had a word on it that you can’t say on air, certainly not on Focus on the Family.

Jim: And he’s, t- they’re how old?

Jodie: And he was like … He was, uh, they were teens, young teens. And, you know, they’re in our home and I saw his shirt and I saw my younger son who was learning to read trying to sound it out, you know?

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: (laughs) And that’s, and I just thought, “Where are we going with this?” So I thought, “I gotta figure out some prayers for my daughter and her dating relationships and her friendships as she’s moved.”

Jim: Wow, yeah.

Jodie: So I grabbed that first book, Praying the Scriptures for Children.

Jim: No, I thought you’re gonna say you grabbed the shirt.

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: No, I wanted, I wanted to grab his shirt.

Jim: So you grabbed the book.

Jodie: Oh, yeah.

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: Yeah. So I, you know, later that day, I went and I got the book and I thought, “Okay, what’s in here?” and I realized I’d moved from praying for your child’s friendships to praying for your child’s marriage partner eventually.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: I was thought I was being future-thinking and I never wrote anything about those dating years. And I thought, “Okay, we gotta go back to the drawing board here. I need to interview some wiser parents. I need to get some scriptures in my arsenal to be able to cover my daughter with those things.” And, uh, you said it already, there’s so many different, uh, things we pray about as our kids move through the teen years, their friendships, their dating relationships, but also their emotional health, their mental health, their character. I think it is so hard today. You know, rates of anxiety, depression, all-time highs. So lots and lots to cover. And, um, the good thing is God’s a parent. He gets it. He’s been everywhere we are and so, uh, He invites us to partner with Him through our prayers.

Jim: That’s so true and I, you know, again, there’s a, a wide spectrum of households represented in the Christian community. Some will have pretty strict rules of-

Jodie: Some don’t have a boy with a bad word on his shirt, I know, but we’ve been- (laughs)

Jim: Correct, and, and no dating and I, and we get that and then others will be in the middle. We have boundaries. We know that the boys and girls are gonna date at 16, 17 or what have you. So a- a- again, just be gentle as we talk through this …

Jodie: Mm-hmm, sure.

Jim: … if you’re listening and viewing and just apply the principles, I would suggest, to what we’re talking about ’cause you’ve done a great job crafting this. Always good to start with scripture, so let’s get into 1 Samuel 7 …

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … this huge battle that occurred and then, uh …

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: … the victor did something unique that caught your attention when it comes to parenting.

Jodie: Well, I love that story. The Israelites are on the battlefield, yet again. You know, the Old Testament is full of, of, uh, battles.

Jim: Battles. (laughs)

Jodie: But, (laughs) but I think so is parenting, right? So we get a lot of encouragement from that. And in this particular case in 1 Samuel, they’re fighting and it’s not going well and they cry out to Samuel, say, “Pray for us. Pray for us,” and he does pray for them and they win that particular battle. But they know the war’s not over. And yet, I love that instead of just leaving it there and moving on, they erect what scripture calls an Ebenezer stone. They put up this monument to say, “Thus far, the Lord has helped us.” And for me, as I parented our teens, I was, I tried to be, and Robbie as well, super intentional about marking those times when we knew God had helped us. I actually wrote it on a rock at one point. 1 Samuel 7, I think it’s verse 12, “Thus far, the Lord has helped us,” and I kept it in the console of my car …

Jim: Oh.

Jodie: … because just looking at what He had done in one situation would fill me with faith to pray for the next. Because I don’t know about you, Jim, but I never have fully learned to relax and trust God. Every new mountain that comes along, every wave that hits, we live at the beach and I feel like there’s a lot of, you know, hurricane warnings. Every time we get one of those things in our parenting, my default position can be immediately to go to worry, “What if?” you know, “Can I trust God?” And so I think those Ebenezer stones, those times of reflection of what God has done in the past, “Thus far, he’s helped us,” can really equip us to pray with faith and boldness for the future.

Jim: Well, and I think this theme will permeate our discussion, but, you know, for the people, the 99% that are gonna be right where you’re at, you know, I’m leaving some percentage, maybe 1%, (laughs) 5% …

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … where they deeply believe and trust the Lord and it doesn’t rock their boat when that hurricane comes in their teen year, you know, the kids’ teen years, but how do you rest in God with that?

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It, it, this is the ultimate question, right?

Jodie: It really is. It’s the ultimate question.

Jim: And I don’t know if there’s any easy answer, but there’s tools we can apply and that’s what (laughs) we’re gonna do today.

Jodie: Yeah. Yeah. There’s not an easy answer. And you know, not to get too deep, too quick, but I will say I have walked that road and wrestled and I was praying for my teens and then my adult children. And, uh, I didn’t think the needle was moving. And in some cases, uh, it was definitely not the answer I was looking for. And I remember saying to the Lord, “I trusted You. You know, I trusted You, God. I know You’re good. I know You’re faithful. I know this would be a good outcome. Why? Why is this not resolving itself in the right way?” And He was so good, He was gentle, but very firm saying to me, “You know, Jodie, (laughs) you didn’t trust in Me. You trusted in an outcome that you thought was the right one. You know, I don’t want you to want the gift. I want you to want the giver. I don’t want you to want the result. I want you to want the relationship. I want you to know what it feels like to trust Me. And not only that, but when things aren’t going the way you think, you’re welcome to climb into My embrace. Let Me comfort you. You know, let me tend to your hurts, mama,” or, “daddy,” whoever you are thinking through this stuff. Let God comfort you in that and strengthen you to send you back out into that battlefield to pray because He is good and He is trustworthy, but we don’t always see it.

Jim: You know, when you think about that, so many great thinkers, Gary Thomas on marriage and others …

Jodie: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Jim: … when you look at all of life and the structures that God has put in place, whether it’s marriage or parenting, He’s trying to teach us something in this.

Jodie: (laughs) Yes.

Jim: And it’s that, “Rest in Him,” kind of attitude.

Jodie: Yeah, yeah.

Jim: And it’s amazing how dense we can be getting there. And, you know, we’re all human, we have our shortcomings, but that does seem to be the purpose of life, is to build our trust and faith and hope in Him.

Jodie: There’s so much …

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: … that he does in us and in the people around us that we’re not aware of. And, you know, you said Robbie’s in the gallery. I’ll tell you, he’s probably right now saying, “You need to say this, Jodie,” Tim Keller, one of our favorite authors, Robbie’s favorite Keller quote is about prayer and it is, “When we pray, God will either give us what we asked for or what we would’ve asked for had we known everything He knows.”

Jim: Yeah, yeah.

Jodie: And I think that’s a great thing to remember as …

Jim: Beautiful.

Jodie: … parenting teenagers, is God’s on it.

Jim: The other thing is it sets the right expectation. And speaking of that, let’s get to that parent-teen conflict area.

Jodie: Oh.

Jim: I think, you know, as you, as you’re growing as a parent, of course, we all have, I think it’s healthy to have that trauma when the hospital person puts that little baby in your arms …

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: … “It’s okay. You can go home now.” You’re going, “Wait a minute. What?” (laughs)

Jodie: (laughs) “Wait a minute. Are you coming with me?”

Jim: “Uh, where’s the manual? What do I do now? I don’t,” you know? Jean and I felt like that with Trent.

Jodie: That’s true.

Jim: We’re like, “We don’t know what to do,” and, uh, boom, you’re on your way home and now it starts rolling. And it’s pretty good in the early years, (laughs) you know, things go normally, he likes to follow you around the house.

Jodie: Sure. You can-

Jim: Go to work with you and, “Daddy, let’s play catch,” and all those things are going along. Then there’s something that happens, some kind of dust comes over their room … (laughs)

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: … and it’s called teenager.

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: And then they get up and go, “I don’t really feel like doing that today.”

Jodie: They start having their own how own opinions and playing with friends …

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: … that maybe you didn’t pick all of that. Yup.

Jim: It’s the one word answers. I didn’t have the benefit of girls, but John, you, you can describe the, uh, teen girl behavior.

John: Oh, they’re a breeze.

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

John: They’re a breeze. (laughs)

Jim: Darn it.

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: But, you know, let’s speak to that conflict area, uh, which to a degree is probably inevitable. It’s probably natural.

Jodie: Yeah, sure.

Jim: It’s probably healthy …

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: … that the separation begins, but now puts us on a whole another parenting journey about trust, hope, faith …

Jodie: All of that …

Jim: … future.

Jodie: … and you’re right, you say it’s probably healthy. I think …

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: … it is healthy, you know, that, that, um … In fact my friend Lisa Robertson used to always say, “As your teens get closer and closer to the time, they’re gonna leave your nest, whether it’s for a job or college or whatever.” She says, “They can really begin to become a butt, B-U-T-T.” (laughs)

Jim: (laughs) How do you spell that?

Jodie: B-U-T-T.

Jim: Yes.

Jodie: And she said, she said, “But that’s God’s way sometimes of beginning to separate you, to be able to, to allow you to relinquish them, to release them,” but it is so hard, as you say. You want to be able to control who they’re with, what they say, what they do, all of that …

Jim: Oh, yeah.

Jodie: … and we can’t always do that.

Jim: So in that point of conflict, a real practical question, in that point of conflict where that …

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: … you know, that first 13-year-old thing happens …

Jodie: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Jim: … the attitude flares.

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: You know, what are things we need to think about as parents?

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: And really, thankfully, a young parent could listen to this and go, “Okay …”

Jodie: Sure.

Jim: “… my child’s only nine.”

Jodie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: “So we’re equipping them to say, ‘Here’s how you,’” you’re gonna wanna think about that moment of conflict.

Jodie: Yeah. Well, and there will be. And for one, that’s right there, knowing that there will be I think is freeing for parents ’cause you don’t have to think, “Oh, no,” you’re not”-

Jim: You’re not a failure.

Jodie: You’re not a failure and you’re not alone and this is normal.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: But having humility and having trust I think are the two things that can help preserve your relationship with your teen. Humility to consider that you might not always be right, you know, that sometimes you need to take whatever this issue is to the Lord, or if you’re married, to your spouse ’cause they can be kind of a, a, a level setter. Robbie certainly was for me ’cause I would be freaking out about something. And you would-

Jim: And that’s a good thing, the two of you working together.

Jodie: It’s such a good thing. Yes. Um, and then the second thing, in addition to that humility, to, to recognize that, you know, we’re all navigating this journey, we might not have all the answers as parents, but then trust too. To trust that God is our backstop, He is there, He knows he gets it and He will see us through.

John: Mm-hmm. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and today, we’re talking to Jodie Berndt about her book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens. Obviously, there’s a lot here. Make a donation today of any amount, either a monthly pledge or a one-time gift, uh, as generous as you can and we’ll send that book to you, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens. Uh, just stop by the website. Uh, that’s focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Also at the website, we’re gonna be linking over to a calendar that Jodie’s put together, 31 Days of Prayer for Your Teens. It’s a terrific one-a-day, uh, scripture for you to pray for your child. I think you’ll find that really helpful.

Jim: Jodie, a common tension point in parenting centers around a little word called control, “Who’s in control?” And again, at the teen years, that’s really when this is blossoming, to use a positive metaphor. Your teen is blossoming into decision making and control. Yeah, they actually get to drive a car at 16 …

Jodie: Right.

Jim: … in most states. That’s a little crazy. 15 in others.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And, uh, so speak to this, uh, issue. I think you had a story about a mom named Leslie who struggled with her teen daughter, a great example, so let’s go there.

Jodie: Yeah, yeah. Leslie is a friend and she, um, had a lovely daughter, has a lovely daughter, Sarah Kay. And Sarah Kay, uh, was, their whole family was gonna go to another sibling’s college graduation and Sarah Kay found out it was the same weekend as prom.

Jim: Hold it. We need music, dun, dun, dun, dun.

John: Oh, conflict.

Jodie: Right, yeah, so conflict coming, right? So the mother, of course, thinks, “Graduation, once-in-a-lifetime event, we need to be there for your sister as a family,” and Sarah Kay thinks, “What on earth? This is my prom. I’m in high school. I don’t wanna miss this,” and so, tension, tension, tension. And I love how Leslie approached it, because again, she took the humility to think, “Okay, let me,” uh, and this wasn’t right away. You know, there was definitely a lot of tension in there, uh, to start with, but she got to the point where she was willing to pray about it and say, “God, I don’t see how this could be. I believe we need to be together, uh, for the college graduation, but I’m gonna know, trust You as the way maker.” Well, as she’s praying, what she doesn’t know, what’s happening is that a family friend also wants to go to the graduation and has offered to take Sarah Kay the next day, so they’ll get there in time for the ceremony. It all works out and what none of them could have predicted is that Sarah Kay would be named prom queen.

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: I mean-

Jim: That would’ve been a big miss.

Jodie: That would’ve been a big miss, you know, and this mom could have just stuck to her guns and said, “Nope, you know, we’re going as a family,” but instead she backed off and thought, “I don’t know how we can do this. I want us all there as a family, but I’m gonna pray about it.” And as she prayed, then this other transportation p- presented itself and everything was able to work out.

Jim: Uh, this issue of control is a big one and it is, it needs to be observed by the parent that this is a natural progression, that, “Did you ever really have control?” …

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … is a good starting question.

Jodie: Yeah, yeah.

Jim: Trent, my oldest, when he went off to college, you know, he, he was ready, his door, his foot was out the door the day of graduation from high school …

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: … and moving into, uh, you know, a student complex, an apartment complex …

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and I was like panicked …

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: … like, “Okay, there’s gonna be drugs and other things going on there.” So I had the, you know, the talk about, “Hey, you gotta be really careful,” and he just looked at me, he goes, Dad, you’ve taught me the right things to do.”

Jodie: Oh, that’s beautiful.

Jim: But let me, but he went on, this was the control part, he goes, “You know how I am. No one’s gonna talk me into doing something I don’t wanna do, but if I wanna do something, I’m gonna do it. You know that.”

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: And said, “But you’ve taught me the things not to do …”

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: “… and the, the things to do.” So he said, “You know, just trust that.” I was like, “Okay.”

Jodie: “Okay. Thank you.”

Jim: But I mean that’s a strong-willed child …

Jodie: But you’re so right, even though-

Jim: … but you don’t, you’re never really in control on the teen …

Jodie: You’re never really …

Jim: … or beyond.

Jodie: … in control and your kids, like we said earlier, they can be outta your reach. They might not be, they might be still at your dinner table and they’re out of your reach because they’re not there emotionally. They don’t wanna listen to what you have to say. You, Jim, are teaching your son, but is he picking it up? You don’t know. And yet, that’s where the gift of prayer comes in because God invites us to partner with Him through our prayers to accomplish His best purposes in our kids’ lives.

Jim: I think the lack of that feedback loop is a great point because I think, you know, when you’re, you’re raising your children, you’re saying, “Now say please and thank you,” and, you know, they stumble through that and then all of a sudden at some age, like you hear them say it on their own without coaching.

Jodie: Right.

Jim: And you’re going, “Oh my goodness, they heard me.”

Jodie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: And it’s kind of the same in this area of responsibility. You know, you’re saying, “Do this, do that,” or, “Let’s pray about this.”

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “Let’s think this way about this.”

Jodie: Yup.

Jim: And, and you do that almost like a rehearsal all the time, all the time.

Jodie: Right.

Jim: And then hopefully, you’re gonna see that spark that one day they do it for themselves.

Jodie: Right.

Jim: And you’re going, “Yes.”

Jodie: And if you don’t see it, you can still have the confidence that God is working. Like my favorite parenting teen prayer comes out of Philippians 2:13. That verse says, “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” In other words, He’s giving you, He’s giving your teens the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. We think it’s on us, “I gotta get my kid to think and say and do, you know, the right thing,” and God is saying, Philippians 2, “It’s the Lord who’s working all of this.”

Jim: (laughs) I think often we read that scripture and put us in there, right?

Jodie: Oh, absolutely.

Jim: “It is …

Jodie: I’m like, “I work in them.” Yeah. (laughs)

Jim: … dad’s job (laugh) or mom’s job.”

Jodie: I know, I know.

Jim: That’s so true.

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: Um, let’s recognize that, it can be heartbreaking for parents when their teenagers struggle, uh, with friends …

Jodie: Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.

Jim: … or, you know, they, there’s just something socially that’s not working and, uh, I understand that this was an issue, uh, during your early teen years …

Jodie: Oh yeah.

Jim: … which, which is hard to believe ’cause you’re so outgoing and …

Jodie: Oh.

Jim: … so pleasant.

Jodie: Well, thanks be to God.

Jim: Um, but what, you know, what was going on for you as a child?

Jodie: Okay, okay. True story.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: True story, and I wish I had a photo. You know, back then, we didn’t have our phones and could take pictures all the time, but this would be classic. You could pop it up for the audience to see. But …

Jim: (laugh)

Jodie: … um, I went through middle school and I had these little wire-rimmed John Lennon glasses and I had braces on my teeth and I had this headgear that I wore every day …

Jim: Oh.

Jodie: … wrapped around the back of my head, wrapped around my neck. I mean, I mean, I told myself, I tried to tell myself it was jewelry, you know, it was an accessory, but it was not, it was not attractive. But not only that-

Jim: In junior high.

Jodie: Um, in junior high, middle school.

Jim: That’s tough.

Jodie: That’s really tough, you know? Um, hats off to my parents, honestly, parents listening, they were great at telling me that they thought I was beautiful. (laughs) And, you know, when you hear that enough from your parents, it can start to take root in your soul even when you’re wrapped up in metal headgear and glasses and all that. But the other thing my parents did, and parents, I’m not sure I’d recommend this one, um, I wanted a, a purse to look like all the other girls ’cause the cool girls had these beautiful leather purses that had flowers etched in them and colored and I said, “I just, all I want for my birthday is a leather purse with the flowers.” And, and they went to the Christian bookstore where they got a discount and they found a purse, but my purse was twice the size of the other girls and it came not just with the flowers engraved, but the words, “Jesus is Lord,” were engraved on my purse. And, you know, I carried that purse to school every day. So there I am in my headgear and my braces and my glasses and my Jesus is Lord purse. And so you’re wondering why I … (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: … why I did it.

Jim: I’m not responding to any of this.

Jodie: You know, I wish people could see your face right now. (laughs)

Jim: I’m just- (laughs)

Jodie: I’m just saying. I know, I know. I don’t, maybe I had read that verse-

Jim: I’m a boy, but I could feel your pain. (laughs)

Jodie: (laughs) Thank you. I guess I’d read that verse, you know, “If anyone’s ashamed of me, I’ll be ashamed of him and my kingdom.” I don’t know what, what made me do it, but-

Jim: Uh, we’re stacking the deck against you there.

Jodie: But, but I will tell you, during that lonely season, and it was a lonely season …

Jim: Yeah, yeah.

Jodie: … um, I really leaned into the Lord. I’m grateful that I knew Him even as a teenager, a young teen and I think that that time, um, helped shape me and form me to know that He would never leave me and He was with me. And for a parent who has a child going through that without friends and maybe they’re not as extreme as I was, but to just pray that they can sense God’s nearness, His presence, His comfort and then continue to use your words, mom and dad. Uh, Proverbs 18:21 says, “Words kill. Words give life.” “They’re either poison or fruit. You choose.” That’s the message translation of that Proverbs 18. I think we can give our kids, our loneliest kids life …

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: … when we speak those words over them, “You are beautiful. You know, you are so kind. You are accomplished. God loves you so much. You’re His masterpiece.”

Jim: You know, I totally agree. And next time, when we come back we’ll talk more about identity, identity in Christ …

Jodie: Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

Jim: … ’cause it’s so critical today.

Jodie: Absolutely.

Jim: I don’t know that we can do enough ’cause that’s such a big well for young people that we can do enough to fill it, but we have got to concentrate on that.

Jodie: Absolutely.

Jim: So they don’t get lost in some other identity other than …

Jodie: Right, right.

Jim: … rooted in Christ, belonging to Christ, etcetera.

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: Let’s end on this one and we’re gonna come back next time like we talked about and pick up the discussion there, but you warn parents about turning their teens into an idol.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: This is really important.

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: How does that happen and what should we be doing instead?

Jodie: Well, you know, uh, I think when you say that, “Don’t turn your teens into, uh, an idol,” what comes to people’s minds is the idea that, “Oh, my kid is, you know, on the varsity football team. He’s the quarterback. My daughter’s homecoming queen. My child is …”

Jim: There’s a sort of pride that comes with that.

Jodie: “… the, the valedictorian.”

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: Sure. You can see how a parent could make a child an idol with that, but I wanna speak to the parents whose kids are, uh, presenting concerns for them because I think we can make our children into idols when we give into worry and fear, when we allow those concerns to take up the radar screen of our thoughts and our minds, rather than God and His glory and His throne and His power.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jodie: Kids can become idols when they make us so proud and they can become idols when they make us so worried. So I would just encourage people …

Jim: Boy, that’s so good.

Jodie: … to trust their kids with the, to the Lord.

Jim: Yeah. That’s so good, Jodie. I can’t wait to get into the conversation next time too and cover more of these things, like I said, identity and some of the other difficulties that teens are facing and where do parents show up. Here’s some good news, when they do the research, teenagers will say the most significant relationship they have by far is with their parents.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And that’s a good thing. It’s not social media. They may not be expressing it. They’re might showing, they might be showing that distance, but they say it overwhelmingly. It’s like 75-80% of teens say, “My most important relationship is with my parents,” and that’s a good thing. So let’s build on it.

Jodie: It’s a great thing.

Jim: Wow. That was so wonderful. And I see why this program made the Best of 2024. Jodie’s message is so encouraging for parents, whether they have teens or kids of any age.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jim: She’s written a great resource, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens and we wanna make this book available to you. It would seem to me this would fly outta here …

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … because how many parents of teens need help in praying for their environment, their kids’ environment. When you give a gift of any amount to Focus on the Family, we’ll send you a copy of Jodie’s book as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry. And in this season of generosity, it’s wonderful that Christmas is that.

John: Indeed.

Jim: We have a limited opportunity for matching gift that will double the impact of your giving. That means that $25 gift becomes 50, 50, a hundred. Uh, your support means so much as we meet the demands of the final days of 2024 and move into the new year of 2025. Help us give families hope and the tools they need to raise godly children in Christ. It’s so important.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No gift is too small or too large. Uh, donate today, it’ll be doubled and get your copy of Jodie’s book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens when you call 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459 or you can donate at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: And if you enjoyed this program, we have an entire audio collection featuring 18, that’s a lot, 18 of our best of 2024 shows. This resource is available for free and features conversations with Jodie Berndt, Kevin Leman, John Burke, Lee Strobel and kind of the top a list of this year.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it’s a great on-ramp if you’re a new listener or, you know, somebody that you’d like to introduce to Focus on the Family. Uh, details about this Best of 2024 audio collection are at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, or call 800 the letter A and the word FAMILY and we’ll tell you more. On behalf of the team, thanks for joining us for this Best of 2024 edition of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Day Two

Jodie Berndt: But I wanna speak to the parents whose kids are, uh, presenting concerns for them, because I think we can make our children into idols when we give in to worry and fear, when we allow those concerns to take up the radar screen of our thoughts and our minds rather than God and His glory and His throne and His power. Kids can become idols when they make us so proud and they can become idols when they make us so worried. (laughs)

John Fuller: Hmm. That’s Jodie Berndt, who shared with us last time about the importance of prayer and how you can use God’s Word to pray more effectively for your teenager. You’ll hear more today on this special Best of 2024 program of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Now, if you have teens or pre-teens, really children of any age, you’re gonna find Jodie’s insights really helpful for the spiritual growth of your family. Thanks for joining us today. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: This program made Best of 2024 because it really resonated with you, the parents. In part one of the program, we discussed the fear and dread that so many parents have about the teen years, and how we can turn those fears over to the Lord and pray His Word over their lives.

John: Hmm.

Jim: Uh, that is a great plan.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And if you missed part one, you can contact us about getting an audio copy or you can watch the previous episode online. We also have the Focus on the Family broadcast app so you can access that content any time.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Today, we’ll share part two of the conversation with Jodie, where we address relationships, navigating conflict, praying about your teen’s future, and so much more. It was a great conversation.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it’s based on Jodie’s book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens. You can learn more about Jodie and that book at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And now, let’s go ahead and hear this Best of 2024 episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jim: Jodie, welcome back.

Jodie: Thank you so much.

Jim: (laughs) Part two…

Jodie: Part two.

Jim: … Of clearing your mind of the problems about raising teens.

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: That wasn’t quite the title, but, um, let’s kick it off here. And we’re gonna get into a lot of great things, so I hope you can stick with us if you’re watching or listening, of just some of the difficulties of raising teenagers and what is God trying to teach everybody in the process, not just the teen, but you as the parent.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, which is sometimes hard for the Lord to get through to us (laughs) is that He’s actually trying to teach us something.

Jodie: Absolutely, absolutely. (laughs)

Jim: Let’s go to one of the root moments in raising teenagers, driving the car, teaching them to drive the car.

Jodie: Oh, yes.

John: Right.

Jim: I mean, everybody’s got a funny story on this one, but, uh, how about you and Robbie, and how did that work out in your household, and who had control?

Jodie: Oh, well, you know, (laughs) well, h- ho- hopefully the Lord.

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: Um, (laughs) yeah, I remember, uh, when our eldest, Hillary, began to drive. One of her classmates, who thought of her as somewhat, um, uh, scatter-brained or whatever, he gave her, he said, “I’ll bet you $20 that you can’t go, uh, you know, the first week, or the first month without an accident, without hitting at least a mailbox.”

Jim: (laughs) There’s, there’s a challenge.

Jodie: And, and, you know… (laughs) Yeah. And you know what? I was so grateful to that kid because, she wouldn’t have done it for me, but she did it for him, she took that bet and was super careful. And at the end of the month, I think I thought I wanted to slip the guy another $20 and say, “See if she’ll go double or nothing.”

Jim: (laughs) Now, that’s a whole nother topic.

Jodie: Oh, uh, exactly, exactly.

Jim: (laughs) That…

Jodie: But, you know, that is an area where, what is it, Psalm 91, they say it’s, a lot of times it’s the soldier’s psalm, the one that talks about angelic protection, I think I prayed verses from that.

Jim: Oh, that’s funny.

Jodie: “God, give Your angels charge over Hillary. Guard her in all her ways, especially as she’s behind the wheel.”

Jim: Families today, uh, uh, you know, they live in… And we’re jumping from one kinda lighthearted topic, the driving experience, to more serious topic and how sexualized the culture is.

Jodie: Hmm. Yes.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And I would say, y- y- you know, for Jean and I, this was a big issue. Uh, y- you, very t- Jean was very tender about this. She was really concerned about it, with smartphones, and friends’ phones, and pads, and all the stuff they could access.

Jodie: Sure.

Jim: And I, yeah, I guess the question is, how do we talk about the standards and enforce the standards? This is probably one of the number one questions parents will contact us about is technology and limiting technology and-

Jodie: Yeah. Absolutely. They say… I, I, know Andy Crouch wrote that book, The Tech-Wise Family, and he says in there that technology’s the number one par- reason why parents are more nervous today than ever before about bring-

Jim: It brings every bit of garbage from outside your home in.

Jodie: Yeah. Every bit of garbage, and it changes. Like, the minute you think you’ve figured out Instagram, say, okay, well, now there’s TikTok.

Jim: Yeah. (laughs) Yeah.

Jodie: And when you think, okay, you know how to text. Well, they don’t text anymore. Now, they Snapchat. And even while I’m talking to you, I’m sure they’ve invented something else that’s gonna make what I’ve just said sound dated, so. (laughs)

Jim: And the kids’ll be there way before you will be.

Jodie: The kids’ll, yeah, exactly, so we can’t keep up. I know, I know.

Jim: Yeah. So what, uh, what were some of the things that you did, and what do you recommend?

Jodie: Well, um, you know, it is tough, as you said, especially, uh, the easy access to things like pornography. And, you know, there are studies that show that today’s teens think it’s way worse if you don’t recycle than it is if you look at porn. You know, it’s just a whole mindset that thinks of things so differently.

Jim: Wow.

Jodie: But I’ll tell you, I really drew encouragement from the story of Nehemiah. Um, you know, he was trying to rebuild that wall, and he was under attack, just like we can feel as parents and things coming at us all the time. His people, his laborers were getting weary. And there’s this beautiful verse that I think all families can cling to, Nehemiah 4:14, when it’s coming at them from all sides and they’re afraid, just like we’re afraid as we’re looking at all this technology, everything else. Nehemiah says, “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” And I looked at that and I go, “That’s what we’re doing.” You know, we fight for our families. We fight for our kids in prayer. And I love the plan that Nehemiah did. He, um, and I, I think you can boil it down to three steps. I’m sure a Bible scholar could add to this, but I think what he did was post a guard, and we can do the same thing as we set boundaries in our family’s technology.

Jim: Filters.

Jodie: Filters, certainly filters, passwords, time limits for social media use. But then also, uh, he, he put that guard up, but then he made a plan. Um, we want to model good behaviors. You know, it’s a lot easier for a parent to let a kid h- h- spend time with the screen than it is to come up with some adventure outside the home or some game, way easier to just say, “Okay, kid, take your phone, take your computer,” whatever. Um, but parents can think about things that w- we can do as families and get other families involved in doing it with us. ‘Cause your kids are gonna say “no” maybe if it’s just you saying, but if you say, “Oh, the Johnsons and the Smiths, (laughs) they’re going too. Oh, and they have a cute daughter,” whatever, you know, bring that together, um, w- we can make it fun to get out there and do those things, prioritizing connection and communication over that.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: So that’s our plan. And then we can pray. And you know what Nehemiah did. He made this buddy system, where he would protect Jerusalem during the rebuilding, and parents can do the same thing. We can partner with other parents. I know that we talk often about Moms in Prayer and the groups they have that allow you pray with other moms.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: Um, as we’ve come, bring our kids before the Lord on all these things, technology, anxiety, depression, the pornography, all of that stuff, when we have a buddy that will pray with us and for us, that’s a powerful thing right there.

Jim: That is so true.

Jodie: I think we wanna post a guard, we wanna make a plan, And every family’s different, so your plan’s not gonna look exactly like my plan, but, and then pray for it.

Jim: Yeah. And, Jodie, let’s move, eh, from that sexualized scenario that we talked about to body image and the other things that kids experience, young people experience, teens experience.

Jodie: Mm.

Jim: You mentioned it, you know, when you were in junior high, and what you were (laughs) facing with your braces and every- that very kind, um.

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: But th- the, uh, you know, the idea of, of body image, again, because things are so sexualized and there’s, uh, you know, the 10 person is put out on the pedestal, I can only imagine the, uh, grief that teen girls are feeling that they don’t-

Jodie: Mm-hmm. Sure. Sure. Yeah, you say girls, but boys, too, now.

Jim: Oh, I know, boys with body image.

Jodie: You know, it really is, yeah, right.

Jim: I was gonna mention that, you know, in terms of weight lifting and trying to have a physique that matches some 20-year-old.

Jodie: Right, right.

Jim: But all of that, uh, kinda speaks to identity crisis.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I mean, so they’re trying to find some identity. They’re very insecure. It, I was insecure in high school about my size, you know, my body. Uh, am I big enough to play football? And I did all those things. But even doing it, I was the quarterback of the football team, I still had so many doubts than I did positive thoughts about where I was at and where I was going.

Jodie: Sure. Yeah.

Jim: I should’ve made that pass a little better, all that stuff.

Jodie: Right, right.

Jim: But speak to identity in Christ because I, my sense is, especially with sexual identity issues today with the kids, parents cannot do enough to talk about with their children who they are in Christ.

Jodie: Mm-hmm. Right, right. And I think that can sound very 10,000-foot view, your identity in Christ. You know, Christians, we throw that around.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: We want you to be rooted in Christ, have your identity in Him, but what does that really mean? And I think for us, if we want to get down to the very basics, is to know that you are Christ’s beloved. You know, that’s all of Scripture is His love letter to us. But I think when we take hold of verses like Ephesians 2:8, which talks about we are God’s masterpiece, Psalm 139, “We’re fearfully and wonderfully made.” When we begin to speak those things over our kids and into their lives from an early age, letting them know, “You’re beautiful. God has made you wonderfully.” And even that child that is not looking real wonderful right that minute, you can speak into the thing that you want to see. You know, um, “I love how funny God made you. You know, I think He’s gonna use that gift in your life,” or, “Hey, I noticed that you did such-and-such for your sibling. That was really kind. I love seeing the way God is developing kindness in you.”

Jim: (laughs) Mm-hmm.

Jodie: And I think our children will rise to those things when we… Instead of, “What’s wrong with you? How could you have done that?” to take time to notice those things that they’re doing right, even if it’s the tiniest thing, and to speak into that.

Jim: Yeah, I think that’s great. And that, again, I think it’s drip, drip, drip.

Jodie: Drip, drip, drip.

Jim: It’s drip irrigation. And when we’re constantly speaking positively, spiritually to our children about God’s love for them, God’s acceptance of them, that, that does make a difference, and that beings to, uh, find the rootedness that they need in identity.

Jodie: Yeah, His love for them. And for us as well, ’cause we can think we’ve blown it.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: We can think we don’t have what it takes.

Jim: You know, um, in that regard, the, probably the most difficult part of this conversation with teens is suicidal ideation and those deep what ifs.

John: Mm.

Jodie: Mm.

Jim: Um, we’ve got a great resource for parents, for youth pastors, for coaches, uh, Alive to Thrive. It’s free. If you want to be informed about teen, um, suicidal ideation, get a hold of us. We’ll get it to you, for free.

Jodie: Sure.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: We’d love to see the, the, uh, resource fly out of Focus on the Family, ’cause this is actually saving people’s lives.

Jodie: Absolutely.

Jim: But speak to that environment of self-harm and suicide.

Jodie: Yeah.

Jim: What do parents need to know, and how do we engage that if we have… Probably the biggest question is we think we might suspect something, but we don’t act on it.

Jodie: Right.

Jim: And, oh my goodness, parents that grieve that.

Jodie: Right. Well, you know, and I thank you so much for the resources you provide because those things are difference-makers, because we don’t know what to do. We don’t even know what’s going on sometimes. And because of what we see in the news, the statistics we hear, we can find ourselves a little ball of worry and fear, and that’s not how God wants us to live.

Jim: Right.

Jodie: He wants us to trade that panic for peace, and one of the ways we do that is by praying for discernment, for wisdom. You know, Jehoshaphat in II Chronicles 20, he says, “We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on You.” And we can say that to the Lord. We can say, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what my child is thinking, but, you know, You’re the God who searches hearts. You weigh motives. You know, Lord, so would You show me?”

John: Hmm.

Jodie: And then also we can take comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit is praying for us and He’s praying with us, right? That Romans 8, when, uh, we don’t know how to pray, we know the Holy Spirit (laughs) is interceding, sometimes with words that, you know, groans that words can’t even express. I love knowing that. And, and, um, you know, we did have, uh, kids very close to us go through that self-harm and that suicide, and I just, I, I… You feel so powerless, because you don’t know what’s going through their mind, and yet you can turn to the Lord, who does know, and you can say, “Show me. Open my eyes. Let me know how much You love this child, this person. Show me how to pray and show me if there are ways that I need to speak up.”

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: Pray for God to open opportunities. He will.

Jim: Yeah.

John: This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and our guest today is Jodie Berndt, and, uh, you can hear her heart and her, uh, knowledge of the Scriptures. And so we’re gonna commend to you her book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens. Uh, the subtitle really is, uh, um, wonderful: Opening the Door for God’s Provision in Their Lives. Uh, get a copy of this book. Grab onto these prayers and pray them for your teen. Uh, we’ve got copies of the book here. Uh, give us a call if you’d like, 1-800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. When you get in touch, make a generous donation as you can and we’ll send the book to you as our way of saying thank you for being a part of the support team. You can also stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast to donate and get a copy of the book.

Jim: Jodie, in the book, you describe byu- a family situation that you were in with your daughter, and, uh, I so appreciate that vulnerability. And you have her permission to talk about it, so all those bases are covered, but this is the real nitty-gritty. Your daughter was kinda on, a little bit on the party side and doing things that I’m sure you and Robbie were like, “What?”

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: Probably having pillow talk like, “If we were better parents, she wouldn’t be doing these things.”

Jodie: Yeah. (laughs)

Jim: I get, I, I get it, uh, you know.

Jodie: Yeah, yeah. Teens were hard for me. I, I knew my kids were Christians and I was expecting it to be fun, ’cause I, honestly, I think teenagers are a ton of fun. But when they’re your teenagers and they’re making decisions-

Jim: (laughs) It’s not so much fun.

John: Mm, yeah. (laughs)

Jodie: So, and in fact, this s- story, if, if somebody’s reading the book, it is, uh, Virginia is the one it’s about. And her name is not mentioned because, at the time, she was a teen, and I’m writing this, and I did not wanna out any of my kids.

Jim: Yeah.

Jodie: So she’s called “Isabelle”. But since then, she’s given me permission to call her Virginia and tell her story. And she was a child who loved life. She still loves life. She, and John 10:10 is her favorite verse, life-

Jim: Oh, mine too!

Jodie: Oh, there you go, you two are the same.

Jim: I love that. I gotta meet her.

Jodie: Yeah, you do have to meet her. You two are two peas in a pod.

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: She lives big.

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: And so, she knew the Lord, loved Jesus, but was full-on into the social world and the party world. And she would say to me, you know, “Mom, it’s gonna be fine when all the kids come to our house. They know we’re a Christian house, we do Young Life, we do all this stuff. It’s gonna be fine,” and it wouldn’t be fine, and it would be kids, you know, bringing in the, the alcohol and hiding it. And, and Robbie and I are home. You know, th- th- we ha- we see parents who aren’t home, right, and you think things go, but we were, we thought we were super on it, and this is happening right there. And I was just kinda devastated, and I began to pray a prayer that all of my kids hate.

Jim: (laughs)

Jodie: It’s from Numbers, I think, uh, 23. Or no, Numbers 32. I get that back. Um, uh, “Be sure your sin will find you out.” And so I would pray, “Lord, you know, if they’re doing anything wrong, expose them.”

John: Hmm.

Jodie: And what I will say to parents who pray that, that their kids will get caught, be ready for the consequences, ’cause there will be consequences. You know, it’s easier sometimes if they-

Jim: Wow. That’s a brave prayer…

Jodie: It’s a brave prayer.

Jim: … But a good one.

Jodie: Um, and anyway, in, in Virginia’s case, um, she just kept coming up against hard things. Like, she would get rear-ended on the way to school, which wasn’t her fault, but then she would rear-end someone else, which was her fault, or she would just, one thing after the other to where she just looked at me when she said, “You know, I wonder if God’s trying to get my attention.” And I said, “Well, maybe He is, Virginia.” And as we’re praying about it… And, you know, I love the ministry Young Life for teens, and, um, they agreed to take her, as a high schooler, on their work crew in the summer, knowing exactly how she was being.

Jim: Yeah-huh.

Jodie: They said, “You know, uh, just send her to us. We get it.” And she came home from that time, and she painted herself a little sign and hung it in her room, and it said, “Two feet in.” She said, “I’m done leaving w- one foot in the world and one foot in Scripture. I need to put both feet in.”

Jim: Huh.

Jodie: And I would say, um, Robbie told on Virginia at her rehearsal dinner. You know, you expect the groomsmen to tell the bad stories, right, but not the father of the bride, but he did.

Jim: Right, dad. (laughs)

Jodie: He told a story that I won’t repeat now, (laughs) but it was a story of, of that time in her life that was so hard. And she’s sitting there like, “Thanks, Dad,” uh, but he’s told it as a testimony to God’s faithfulness, because we wanted to acknowledge that God brought her around and did that.

Jim: Hmm.

Jodie: And I will say to any parent listening who’s going, “All right, my kid is so social, they’re off the charts. My child struggles with anger and self-control,” whatever those negative character traits are that we can spot in some of our kids, you said it earlier as we were talking, sometimes you get this easy teen kid…

Jim: Right.

Jodie: And Annesley, if you’re listening, thanks for being a easy teenager.

Jim: (laughs) Yeah, right. We love you.

Jodie: Um, (laughs) w- we love you. … But sometimes it’s trickier. And I will say that every one of those attributes or character traits has that flat side, that ugly side, but it also has a good side, like Virginia’s, you know, one foot in the world, one foot in God. She now lives in New York City and she is magnetic at drawing people to Christ, because she knows how to operate in a secular world.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jodie: She’s fully committed to Christ, but she’s using that gift. My son, Robbie, we’ve talked before, he dealt with anger and passion and lack of self-control. God used all of those things to make him a college athlete. Because he was quick and he was passionate and, and speedy to respond, and those things came together athletically. And once God brought his passions under control, you’d never know that now. He’s a gentle, wonderful man.

Jim: Yeah. The only, the only caveat I would have is that keep your eye on the quiet one, with the quiet one.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

John: (laughs)

Jodie: Yeah, absolutely.

Jim: ‘Cause usually they’re down the, the list in, in birth order, they’ve learned how to not be obvious about their… (laughs)

Jodie: Yeah. Yeah. They’ve learned. They’ve watched.

John: (laughs)

Jodie: Yeah, yeah, Annesley watched. Annesley watched, I’ll tell you, but we did have to keep our eye on, you’re right.

Jim: Yeah, you gotta keep a little bit of an eye on there.

Jodie: You’re right. (laughs)

Jim: They may be really good, but, uh, you never know.

Jodie: You never know.

Jim: Uh, but that’s great.

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: That’s really good advice. Um, in your book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens, you address, uh, teen rebellion and prodigals, and we do wanna spend a little time there, and we are talking about that.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, those are tough issues, for Christian parents particularly, ’cause, again, to a degree, it reflects upon us.

Jodie: Yeah, yeah.

Jim: Our children are part of us.

Jodie: Right, right.

Jim: So when our kids are not behaving the way good Christian kids should behave, we take it personally.

Jodie: We absolutely do. We think it’s our fault. I remember, with one of our kids, at one point getting so discouraged that I felt like I couldn’t even pray anymore. You know, get to that point where you’re just at the end, where you think, “I’ve said all the prayers I can pray. Where do we even go from here?”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jodie: And I think if you’re in that, uh, spot with your child, no matter how old they are, uh, remember a couple of things. Remember f- again, that God gets it. He’s a parent. He knows exactly. Isaiah 1, I think it’s verse two, you know, uh, where we see God’s children walking away from Him. Um, He…

Jim: Right.

Jodie: And, and-

Jim: He’s the perfect parent.

Jodie: And all of Ho- And like, Hosea 11, my favorite, um, chapter of guida- God as a parent, because it’s like He’s saying, “I taught you to walk. I bent down to feed you, and you grew up and you walked away from Me, and I’m angry,” God says.

Jim: Yeah.

John: Hmm.

Jodie: And so I think we can look at these things and realize God gets it, He understands, um, but He never stops loving us and He never stops pursuing us. He never stops wooing us home. So for the parent who feels like their kid is walking away, I would say the old listen, you know, be available. They might not wanna talk to you, but keep the dialogue open as much as it depends on you. Love them. You know, be there for them.

John: Mm.

Jodie: Don’t close the door. (laughs) And then pray. Listen, love, and pray. Just keep bringing them to God.

Jim: Hmm.

John: Yeah, one of my favorite prayers along those lines is, um, actually just the parable of the, what I call the Forgiving Father.

Jodie: Oh, yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

John: Not the Prodigal Son, but the Forgiving Father who’s got his eye out for that child.

Jodie: His eye. And runs, yeah.

John: And you know he’s looking. He’s constantly waiting for that child to come home.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

John: We need to model that with some of our kids.

Jodie: And you know that, that father had a wife probably, too, who was doing the same thing.

John: Yeah.

Jodie: They don’t talk about the mother of the prodigal son, but I know she’s back there on her knees.

John: Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: I think the difficulty in that environment is how to maintain a relationship, because you’re so brokenhearted.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: They may have done some very egregious things and, you know, it’s tough.

Jodie: Right, right. Yeah.

Jim: And I, I’m thinking of a story. Rob Parsons, our sister organization, Care for the Family, in the UK, has a, a wonderful story about a mother and father who had a 15-year-old daughter who ran away from home.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And she ran away from home and never came back, at least in the short run.

Jodie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But every Christmas, they would, uh, decorate a tree and have it in the, and leave the porch light on.

Jodie: Mm.

Jim: Every night, they left the porch light on for her.

Jodie: Wow.

Jim: And this was the mother’s idea of just sending the signal that “we’re thinking about you”. And it wasn’t until she was like 22, so seven years later, that she came back and she would tell her mom and dad that, at Christmas particularly, she’d come and sit in her car, it gives me tears thinking about it, and see the porch light on…

Jodie: Seven years. And see the light.

John: Mm.

Jodie: Oh, wow. Wow.

Jim: … But she didn’t have the courage or the ability to knock on the door.

Jodie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, and that’s like, God’s working when we don’t always see it happening.

Jim: Yeah, yeah.

Jodie: Like-

Jim: But she came back…

Jodie: She came back. She came back.

Jim: … And that’s the hope.

Jodie: That’s the hope. That’s the hope, and that’s the promise, you know. God never stops wooing our children.

Jim: But in that regard, how do you keep the light on?

John: Hmm.

Jodie: Again, by trusting Him, by praying, by knowing that, um, He loves your child even more than you do. I think a lot of parents can make a mistake by thinking they’ve gotta keep drilling it in. And all of our kids would look at it and go, “I know what you think, Mom, you know? I know you think, eh, um, me living with this guy is wrong. I know you think my job isn’t what you would have chosen. I know that…” Whatever it is, they know what we think. So we don’t need to be, as they get older, always telling them. We need to be loving them. We need to be, again, talking to God about them.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jodie: We need to be speaking to the good things and we need to be keeping that porch light on.

Jim: Yeah, and listen.

John: Yeah.

Jim: So hard, ’cause we want to correct it, correct the behavior that we don’t appreciate.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jodie: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and also, just for the parent who feels like the cake is baked and it’s not come out good, or that they have said or done something to ruin their child, to ruin that relationship, I would just say, and it’s been said by people much smarter than I am, you know, our power to ruin our kids is nothing compared to God’s desire to redeem, to redeem them, to redeem us, to rebuild that relationship.

Jim: Yeah.

John: Hmm.

Jodie: And so I think we need to hold on to that hope, knowing that He is the God who can restore the l- years the locusts have eaten, Joel 2, and that He always wants to redeem and repair and rebuild. His heart is for families.

John: Hmm.

Jim: Boy, that’s a beautiful place to be. Um, I think the only other question then is the practicality of putting this into action, praying for your teens. W- What advice do you have to put this into play and then trust it?

Jodie: Yeah. Well, my advice won’t surprise you, and that is to be faithful in prayer, um, and, uh, uh, things, whether you get the book or download the prayer calendar, just to get a couple of verses. And you don’t have to pray the whole Bible. You can pick three that you like. Ephesians 4:32, praying that your child will be kind and compassionate to others, forgiving them just as they have been forgiven. You know, praying that they would trust in the Lord, Proverbs 3:5-6, “Lord, help my child trust You, um, acknowledge You. Direct their paths,” those things. Just find a couple of them that you can be praying on behalf of your child, bringing them before the Lord. Because God says, in Isaiah, His word is not gonna return empty. It always accomplishes the purposes for which it is sent. And I don’t think we avail ourselves of the Bible as a tool nearly as much. We think it’s something we read. It’s actually something we pray. And when we pray, we tap into that power that releases God’s provision.

Jim: Mm, yeah.

Jodie: That’s the practical.

Jim: Yeah, I so love that and, Jodie, this is so good.

John: Wow. Mm-hmm.

Jodie: (laughs)

Jim: I mean, this is really practical stuff, not just for teens, but probably your 20-somethings too, that you can apply to them. I will do it.

John: Mm.

Jim: And, uh, I think it’s just a great thing, a great attitude to have before the Lord, the trust that you’re conveying to Him that He ultimately…

Jodie: Yeah, it’s not always easy, but, uh, He is faithful.

Jim: And He’s ultimately the one in charge of that relationship, not us, and, uh, we’ve gotta learn to let go, but to stay on our knees. It’s beautiful. Thank you so much for being with us.

Jodie: Thank you. Thank you for having me, always a joy.

John: And that’s how we wrapped one our Best of 2024 shows with Jodie Berndt as our guest. Uh, her terrific book is called Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens.

Jim: And, you know, John, so often we’re scratching the surface of the resource. The book has so much more, uh, information for you that we want to encourage you to get a copy, and we want you to get it here at Focus on the Family. And if you can make a one-time gift of any amount, we’ll send it to you as our way of saying thanks for partnering with us to do ministry together. Uh, during this holiday season, we have a limited opportunity for a matching gift. As 2024 comes to a close, your support means so much to help us meet demands and make plans for the coming year. And I would encourage you to take this opportunity to turn that $25 gift into a $50 because of the friends that are helping.

John: Yeah, donate today, generously as you can, when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. That’s 800-232-6459. Or you can donate and request a copy of Jodie’s book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens, when you visit focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And if you enjoyed this program, we have an entire audio collection featuring all 18 of our Best of 2024 shows, and it’s free. It’s wonderful. It features conversations with Jodie Berndt, and John Burke, Dr. Kevin Leman, Lee Strobel, and others, and it’s great, godly wisdom and encouragement for you, especially as we head into the new year. All the details are at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Well, we hope you have a great weekend. Coming up Monday, Pastor Kevin Thompson will help you navigate the roads of life by staying in your lane.

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Kevin Thompson: For so many of us, so often what we do is we deny what’s ours, we try to control what’s theirs, and we fight about what’s God’s instead of accepting, “God, You know what’s best. I’m going to lean into what You’re doing in this moment. I’m gonna trust You and I’m going to accept what’s taking place.”

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