Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Day One:

John Fuller: Welcome to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, and let me ask a question. Do you have a mentor? Uh, do you have a trusted, experienced advisor to kind of help you walk through various things in life? Today, we’re gonna explore some good advice and encouragement, the kind of help a, a mentor would provide for how to live a well-balanced, healthy, godly life.

Jim Daly: You know, John, I look back, I had two really good mentors that God brought into my life at just the right time, my football coach in high school, Paul Moro, who’s passed away, and then my first, what I would call my adult job, right? (laughs) The first big job you get in that paycheck?

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jim: Uh, that was more in my early 20’s, when I went to work in the paper industry, and that was Jeff Eaves, who-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … Taught me so much about business and, but also spiritual, spiritual things, and I’m grateful to both of those men, because they spoke into my life and really helped me better understand myself.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And, you know, Jeff had to do write-ups for me, performance write-ups, and he’d say, “Hey, you’re really good on this, but these are the things you need to work on.” And I … Uh, you know, that was m- kind of new to take that constructive criticism but-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … From somebody I appreciated and respected. You know, there’s great examples of mentoring in the Bible. You think about the Apostle Paul with Timothy. That’s an obvious one, uh, Moses with Joshua, and of course, Jesus-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … And how He taught the 12 disciples. He was mentoring them, and so mentoring is a biblical thing, in my opinion. Our guest today, Jessie Minassian, has spent, I think over 20 years mentoring young girls, uh, being a big sis to those girls-

John: Mm-hmm,

Jim: … And helping them. And for a time, she helped with our Brio Magazine. I so appreciated her work in that relationship, and I’m looking forward to, uh, leaning in and talking about this with her.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, Jessie has a great website, lifeloveandgod.com, and, uh, we’ll link over to that. We’re gonna pick her brain today, uh, on a variety of topics that, while centered on young girls are not specific to young girls, there’s a lot of learning applications, I think, for all of us here. Jessie has been, uh, with us before. She’s an author, speaker, and blogger, and she and her husband, Paul, have two teen girls of their own. Her newest book is really the foundation for our conversation today, Your Brightest Life: Tips for Navigating Relationships, Health, Faith, Mindset, and More.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

John: And you can learn more about Jessie’s great book and, uh, her ministry when you stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Jessie, welcome back to Focus on the Family.

Jessie Minassian: Thank you so much for having me.

Jim: (laughs) It’s good to have you here. And, uh, man, you know, it was 10 years ago, we were looking … The team was looking this up, and we recorded together. I think that was the first time.

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: And you introduced me to a new term, crushaholic.

Jessie: (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Jim: A teen girl term.

John: Yeah.

Jim: Yeah, crushaholic. You like that? It’s … It stuck with me.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: So, (laughs) uh, let’s get back to crushaholic. What is it, and what challenges do teen girls have today with crushaholicism?

Jessie: (laughs) Crushaholicism, we’ll just keep making up words.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: It’s fantastic. Yeah, I kind of coined that term back then, um, when I wrote Crushed, um, to describe m- my life. That pretty much summed it up.

Jim: Ah.

Jessie: And so many teen girls, I think, kind of go from one like to the next to the next, and whether it’s stopped when they don’t receive that attention or affection from that guy that they’re crushing on, um, but there’s just, uh, it sort of can be summed up as a hole in our hearts that we’re trying to fill by, by love and attention from the opposite sex and-

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: Uh, sometimes it can be relatively harmless, and sometimes it can cause a lot of damage to our hearts, um, depending on the relationship that we’re in.

Jim: It’s so true, and we’re gonna spend a couple of days on this topic, so we want people to really get into it. And like you said, John, it’s applicable to all of our lives.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, but this will be aimed at, uh, you know, women and girls, but, men, we’ve got things in here too. Any guys ever kind of blossom around girls and start showing off a little bit?

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: “Oh, yeah. You got the same problem.”

John: (laughs)

Jim: Uh, it’s what we do. It’s what we do as human beings. It’s how we’re made. You talk about the concept within the Christian community of, uh, uh, brothers and sisters in Christ and treating one another as siblings.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That’s really interesting. I’d never thought about it that way, but it’s a great concept. Explain it more thoroughly.

Jessie: Uh, yeah, I, I thought for a long time that we … What we’re really after that, even that crushaholicism, there’s a desire for connection and community.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: We’re, we’re looking for love and relationship, not just of the romantic variety, but we wanna be seen, we wanna be known. And when God designed family, He designed family to fill a big part of that for us, you know, with parents, with siblings. And we learn in scripture that, uh, God designed family, not just in the sense that we think of the nuclear family, but also in the faith family, that when we join His faith family, we get more mothers, and brothers, and sisters, and fathers, and daughters. And I know for me, and I believe Jim as well, and John, we have benefited from having other family members in the faith family who have poured into us-

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: … and have spoken into our lives. It was sort of revelatory for me to learn, as teen girls and as young adult women, having brothers in Christ, seeing them not just as a potential romantic relationship, but actually a brother that we can learn from.

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: That we can learn how to throw football correctly-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: … And we can learn how to, um, uh, just all the things that men bring to the table that we can learn from, and vice versa.

Jim: Well, and, you know, it’s … I remember a Christian camp I went to at 17, uh, I ended up kissing a girl. I mean-

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: So I, I would’ve benefited (laughs) from thinking of her as my sister.

Jessie: (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Jim: That would’ve helped me.

Jessie: I happen to-

Jim: There’s no way I would’ve been kissing my sister.

John: (laughs)

Jessie: Right?

Jim: So I kind of went-

Jessie: That’s a book title, I think I wanna write, Stop Kissing Your Sister.

Jim: (laughs) Oh, right. Because I mean I-

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: I mean, that’s part of it and, you know, that’s one of the things with my boys, I’m always trying to talk to them about in the dating moment, because they’ve … You know, they’re in their 20’s now, but even in that dating space, teens, 20-somethings, I’m constantly saying, “Now, you gotta remember, that girl is somebody’s future wife.”

Jessie: That’s right.

Jim: “So you gotta take care of her and take care of that relationship.”

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I haven’t said, you know, “You need to think of them as your sister.”

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: That’s like a doorstopper, right there, (laughs) but that might be my next line.

Jessie: There is that, yeah.

Jim: But there is something to that. I took it when I ru- You know, was thinking of that question. I was thinking of it more in that context like-

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … You handle each other well.

Jessie: That’s right. That’s exactly right, to think, you know, “Unless you are husband and wife, you are brother and sister first.”

Jim: Right.

Jessie: And so how are you gonna approach this relationship? For girls, I’m saying, “How would you dress for your brother?” Like, “If you’re going out with your brother, how would you dress?” Like, “What kind of-”

Jim: Sweatpants, sweatshirts. (laughs)

Jessie: (laughs) That’s right. Be yourself a little bit more. (laughs)

Jim: Yeah, right. (laughs)

Jessie: And it takes off some of the pressure-

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: … And then also sets up some boundaries for just approaching the relationship in a God-honoring way.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Yeah. Well, the other thing is just, uh, generally, the lessons we learned about family, and you shared a story, and this is so heart-touching, I’ll say it that way. You regretted, uh, um, the lack of relationship or how your relationship was with your mom.

Jessie: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jim: And, you know, uh, just describe the setup there.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: What was the difficulty or difficulties?

Jessie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: And was it ever mended?

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: Is your mom still here?

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: Uh, yeah.

Jessie: My mom and I actually had a very special relationship from an early age. Um, she was a single mom, and it was just she and I for the first five years of my life, and, um, she was my world. Uh, I loved my mom.

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: But as I became a teenager, the world sort of, uh, turned on its axis and somehow just revolved around me. I don’t know how that happens, but- (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: But it just- (laughs)

Jim: Just … Yeah, just happened.

Jessie: It just happened to be that I was the center of my world. And, uh, you know, in those teen years, looking back there, a lot of relationship, um, mistakes that I made, and, uh I, I don’t regret the fights that we had as much as I regret the apathy, that I lived-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: … Under this same roof as this amazing woman for 18 years, and took her for granted so often. And at the time, you think, you know, you’re just focused on yourself, on your relationships, on school, on your stuff, and you don’t think that eventually change is gonna come, and it might come slowly or it might come all at once. And for me, everything changed the day I found out my mom had cancer.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: And we had nine months after that. And I was no longer in the house, but I, um … When I lost her at 27, I regretted so many of those years that I could have done relationship with her better-

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: … That I could have taken advantage of all the wisdom that she had to offer, all the late night m- baking in the kitchen or whatever.

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: You know, sewing.

Jim: The moments.

Jessie: Yeah, those, all those moments, and it makes me super passionate to help families take advantage of those moments now, and to, to make the most of family.

Jim: You, uh … That, that’s so touching. It’s so true that you, you don’t wanna lose that time. And it’s unfortunate when we get news like that.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You know, my mom died of cancer. I was nine, but all of a sudden, it’s finite.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And I think as children, as teenagers, we don’t envision our parents going away.

Jessie: Oh, never.

Jim: Dying.

Jessie: Never. Yeah.

Jim: To be blunt.

Jessie: Uh-huh.

Jim: You know, you just don’t think of it that way. They’re gonna be there forever.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And, and then you get that news, and it’s like, “Wow, it’s a lonely …” I mean, I’m getting choked up thinking about it.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It’s a lonely place-

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: … When … Especially if you’re a child or a teenager, because you just don’t know what’s gonna happen, and, and you’ve lost something so deep-

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: … So good. You speak in the book about, uh, a Family Manifesto-

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … Which I think is great. I don’t think we have one.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: The fact that I don’t know it (laughs) is probably the case.

Jessie: (laughs)

John: Probably not. Yeah.

Jim: But that Family Manifesto, what, what does it look like? Yeah, uh, uh, how do you create it? What do you put in it?

Jessie: The Family Manifesto is basically a list of 14, uh, statements that I created in light of wanting to do family well, and to help teens and young adults take advantage of the years that they have with their parents and their siblings in their home. So it’s things like, you know, “I’ll tell my family I love them every chance I get.”

Jim: That’s great. I like that.

Jessie: You know, uh, “I’ll get my camera out and actually take photos, or let my parents take photos.” You know, they always (laughs) get so upset when (laughs) I get my camera out, but I want those memories. I wanna record those memories in my, on my camera or in my journal. Um, we’ll fight fair, you know, the things like-

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: You know, all families are gonna disagree, but we wanna learn to, to disagree well, and to not use weapons that are gonna hurt each other.

Jim: Yeah, that’s good.

Jessie: Um, you know, so it’s just a way to be intentional about doing family relationships well.

Jim: Well, it sounds like things that circle around treating each other well, speaking well to each other.

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: Speaking life over each other.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Those are all good, good things.

John: Yeah.

Jim: Um, a lot of teens and parents … Uh, that’s one of the top things people will contact us about, is difficult relationships between them as the parent and our teens or our 20-somethings even. What are some things that parents can do? You sounded like as a teen girl, you were, you kind of had the seeds of this, the fact that the Lord has used you to create a Family Manifesto as evidence of that.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You may be a little unique that way. A lot of teens just turn off with their parents.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And they, you know, they don’t care. “You can try to connect with me, but I don’t wanna connect with you.”

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And you think about that, what can a parent do? It feels like you’re trying with no tools, like, you know …

Jessie: (laughs) That’s so relatable. (laughs)

Jim: Yeah. Like, yeah, “He- Help me.”

Jessie: Yes. No, the- There’s a lot to unpack there, and I would say it goes both ways. I think, yes, our teens, they are in that space that most of us were in, at that age of the world revolving around them. They’re not thinking about mom and dad as parents with actual names, people with names, and dreams, and goals, and heartache, and all that you’re sacrificing to provide for them in this season of their life, all the ways that you’re trying to love them.

Jim: Just don’t say those things. (laughs)

Jessie: Uh, don’t say it.

Jim: (laughs) I’m sitting there going, “Ah!”

Jessie: I keep it breezy. Keep it breezy.

Jim: “Do you know what I’m doing for you?”

Jessie: Right? No. This is-

Jim: Don’t, don’t do that.

Jessie: This has been an, uh … Yeah. I’ve … This is hard for me as well, but learning to love with no expectation in return is what Christ modeled for us.

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: And what we get to learn on a deeper level in this season of raising teens and young adults is being the person who will always love, always support, always provide, and not have the expectation that it’s gonna be reciprocated evenly.

Jim: This is a, a really personal question, so I wanna apologize before I ask it.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: But I think it, there’ll be some gold in your answer. The relationship you had with your mom and that difficulty that you described, going back to when you were a teen and the negligence that you described that you had for her and m- m- didn’t really make the time to be with her, uh, is that turned around with your own two teen daughters-

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … Or is it like God’s little lesson here?

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: You remember how you treated your mom? Well, guess what? Your kids are gonna treat you like that too.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: Have you tasted that, or have you broken that? Have you been able to break that generational thing?

Jessie: Both.

Jim: Okay.

Jessie: I think, both. I think there’s an element where I got a taste of my own medicine, (laughs) and there’s also-

Jim: You did get a little bit of that.

Jessie: Uh, oh, you know, every parent prays that their kid-

Jim: And that … That-

Jessie: … Will get one just like them and, uh- (laughs)

Jim: That’s super healthy, though, for the parent to see that.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “Oh my goodness, I- They’re treating me just like I treated my mom or my dad.”

Jessie: Oh, for sure. For sure.

Jim: If you can see it, that’s a good thing.

Jessie: Uh, yes, absolutely. And on the flip side, I feel like I’ve had some really great mentors in my life who have, have taught me how to parent teenagers well, and I’ve taken that advice to heart, and so I’ve been laying groundwork for, you know, since they were little, and how to create lines of communication, and how to show them love in the way that they receive it. So I think, uh, for the parent who sees their teen is just not caring and not wanting to be involved in, in their parent’s life at all, some of that sometimes is how we’re coming across as parents.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It’s pain.

Jessie: Uh, it’s- (laughs)

Jim: It’s pain in the child’s heart of some sort.

Jessie: Absolutely, absolutely.

Jim: Because it’s not natural.

Jessie: It … Or they feel like, you know, they’ve, they’re gonna get a lecture or-

Jim: Right. Yup.

Jessie: Or they don’t believe that their parents have their best interest at heart.

Jim: And I think that advice for the parent who is struggling in that, go to work.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Be the architect. Figure it out. Where’s the building week?

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Where’s that relationship week? You’re the adult. Figure out how to connect with your teen.

Jessie: Yeah. Yeah. And my favorite word in this season is breezy, you know?

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: Like, I just … I’m gonna keep it breezy with my kids. I’m not gonna lecture. They might tell me something-

Jim: Oh, that’s good.

Jessie: … That absolutely freaks me out. I’m gonna be so breezy. I’m like ice-cold Mother Teresa. I’m like (laughs) just- (laughs)

Jim: It’s so funny. Troy, Troy has always been our compliant child. He’s great. And I remember one day, uh, just for fun, he did this. I was like, “Hey, could you get the garbage?” He goes …

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: With his hand, a little hand signal for the radio listeners, but it was W-E.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: And I’m looking at him going, “What’s W-E?” He goes, “Whatever.”

John: (laughs)

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: And then he started laughing. It was so funny. I thought, “Oh, that’s good.”

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: “That was good, whatever.” So now, I do it back to him.

Jessie: That’s fantastic.

John: It’s good to be playful.

Jim: Whatever.

Jessie: Yes.

John: (laughs) Yeah.

Jessie: Playful, okay. Parents, honestly, we get so caught up in all the lessons that we have to teach our kids.

Jim: (laughs) Yes.

Jessie: We are such like-

Jim: You’re making my skin curl.

Jessie: … Stuck in the mud like so … Uh, they, they know what we’re gonna say before we even say it.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: Like, let- Have fun with them.

Jim: Yeah, that’s good.

Jessie: Know that they know all the lessons that you’ve been trying to teach since they were little.

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: They’ve heard it.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: They don’t need to hear it again in this moment. Like m- ask-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: Uh, ask good questions. Ask them what they think, and actually listen to the answer, instead of telling your opinion.

Jim: Yeah.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jessie: Like, just work on treating them as e- people who have an opinion and who have the ability to make good choices and bad choices.

Jim: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessie: But, you know, it changes relationship.

Jim: Buckle up. Yeah.

Jessie: It changes relationship.

Jim: It’s so true.

John: Good insights from Jessie Minassian today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And, uh, Jessie’s book, Your Brightest Life is kind of the centerpiece for the discussion today. Get a copy of it and, uh, you can find out more online. Uh, the link is at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And Jessie, uh, the book has so many practical elements to it. One of them is, is what you … Uh, I, I see it right now because you walk in the room and you’re smiling. And that’s one of your tips for young girls, for frankly all of us, is smile more at people. Uh, what’s the impact of a smile?

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: That’s good.

Jessie: This was, uh, fascinating to me. I was traveling to visit my nephew, little, uh, 9-month-old little boy. And he … Uh, his family is all Asian, and I don’t look much like their family, but every time I smiled at him, he would come with the biggest grin.

Jim: Hmm.

Jessie: Just big … Uh, I’m a sucker for making a baby smile, you guys.

Jim: (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Jessie: I, I honestly, I’m the weird lady in the checkout line who’s (laughs) like making faces at that baby until they smile.

Jim: “Oh, look at the baby.”

John: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: (laughs) And I just could not get enough. And as I was, I was on (laughs) my way home … I, I think too much, but I was thinking about, “Why would my nephew have smiled back at me?” Like, “What made him trust me?”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: Like, uh, babies, the- They’re unfiltered in their emotions. Like they’re gonna cry if they’re freaked out.

Jim: Right.

Jessie: Like it’s not like they have an obligation to smile back.

Jim: They don’t hide it.

Jessie: They don’t hide their emotions. So for him to smile back at me means that he felt like he could trust me, he felt a sense of connection with me, and made him happy. It brought him joy, and I thought, “What brought him joy? It was only my facial expressions.” And I don’t think we grow out of that.

Jim: Uh-huh.

Jessie: As adults, we can communicate warmth, and trust, and, uh, confidence, and care for another person simply by communicating with our face. (laughs)

Jim: (laughs) That’s good.

Jessie: Showing an expression on our face that’s positive, and it comes across as confident-

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: And people respond in return. I’ll get a door held open, or I got a free sparkling water just for smiling. (laughs)

Jim: You know, I’ve gotta be more mind … So Jean … I’ll put this together. You can analyze this. So, you know, one time in our parenting, she said, “You, you, you need to get down on a knee with the boys when they were little, ’cause when you speak to them, you’re a big guy-”

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “… And it is freaking them out.”

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: “And I can see it when you’re trying to correct them or whatever.” It- It’s more fear than it is … Your heart may know it, but your face ain’t showing it, right?

Jessie: (laughs) That’s right.

Jim: You- You- We’re just stern.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And we gotta remember to express ourselves in that joy. Is that fair?

Jessie: Uh, that is fair, which means we have to actually be feeling joy too. And as Christians, I think, you know, we can, we can get so serious (laughs) all the time.

Jim: Yes, we can. Now, uh, talking about expressing joy, what’s the Zumba dance that you talk about in the book? (laughs)

Jessie: Oh, okay. We’re go- (laughs)

Jim: (laughs) And that’s related.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: Hey, you talked about it.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: Okay. Have you heard of Zumba?

Jim: I think I have.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Isn’t that the thing that cleans your floor?

Jessie: (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Jessie: I think that’s a Roomba.

John: (laughs)

Jim: Oh, that’s Roomba.

John: That’s something else.

Jim: I got my Roomba and my Zumba. Okay.

Jessie: Zumba is like a Latin-inspired exercise class-

Jim: Oh, you’re already getting into it.

Jessie: … Where you’re like … Yeah, you- Well, you kind of have to, but I’m not gonna get too into it, because I have the moves of an injured antelope running for its life, honestly-

Jim: (laughs) Injured antelope.

Jessie: … Which is why I was so nervous to go to this class because-

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: … you know, I want, I want in my mind to have the moves-

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: … Of a certain Latina pop star, but it just doesn’t come out right usually.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: So I show up to this class, and I’m all up in my head. I’m so intimidated. I’m like, “Everyone’s gonna be smooth except me. I just know it.” And I walk into the room, and there’s this woman who’s middle-aged, gray hair, pulls out of her bag this jingly, sparkly scarf. She may have borrowed it from a Babylonian belly dancer, I don’t know.

Jim: (laughs) Right.

John: (laughs)

Jessie: But it was-

Jim: Sounds little gypsy.

Jessie: … Really attention-grabbing, we’ll just say that.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: And she ties it around her waist-

Jim: Yeah.

Jessie: … And she gives her hips a little shake. (laughs) And I’m like, “Wow, here I am, so nervous and intimidated and all up in my head, and here’s a woman who is just here to have fun and to be herself.”

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: And, and, and that’s okay. And it just reminded me, uh, as a believer, I should be the most joyful one in the room and-

Jim: That’s true.

Jessie: … To come in and to just have fun. Like, there are a lot of heavy things in the world. Like I get that. I know that we do have real cultural things that are, that are hard, but at the same time, we should have joy. We should have laughter. We should be able to dance like nobody’s watching-

Jim: Right.

Jessie: … and just have fun and be okay with that.

Jim: Dance like nobody … Why do you keep coming back to this dancing?

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: I tell you, I could talk to a group of 5,000 people, I’d be completely fine. Make me dance, I’m terrified.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: Terrified. (laughs)

Jessie: That’s it, Zumba. We’re signing you up, Jim. (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Jim: I’m only doing Roomba.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: I’m gonna ride that Roomba.

John: Yeah. (laughs)

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: I’ll bring the scarf for you.

John: Oh, my.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: And Jean loves dancing.

John: Ah.

Jim: You know, I feel bad for her, she married somebody who doesn’t really care about it.

Jessie: (laughs)

Jim: But, uh, hey, you encourage young women, and all of us, to believe in miracles. That’s, uh, you know, that can be a dicey thing. You talk about dancing with freedom. I mean, this idea that God could still do miracles, uh, speak to the importance of believing for miracles-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: … And then your experience with it.

Jessie: I think most of us, if we read the scripture cover-to-cover, know that no word does it say God has stopped doing miracles, and we know hypothetically and theologically that yes, God can perform miracles, but I think in our own lives, we get so caught up in the here and now, that we forget that God’s, is the same God. He’s still capable, and I had a very real experience with this, uh, years ago. I was at Yosemite National Park with my husband. He, uh, does landscape photography, and so we had gone from one end of the park to the other. Was covered in snow. It was New Year’s Day-

Jim: Oh.

Jessie: … One end of the park to the other, taking photos. And near the end of the day, we pulled into Curry Village to get a snack, and he looked down and he said, “Jess, my wedding ring’s gone.” And we thought, “Oh.” Like there’s no way. Like where … Uh, who knows where it could be? We checked the car, we checked the seat cushions, you know, and we’re just like, “Okay, it’s, it’s gone.” And on our way out of Yosemite that night, we were driving out, he said, “You know, I just wanna go back to one more spot, this spot that we had gone at the beginning of the day, ’cause it’ll be better lighting.”

Jim: All the way over on the other side of the park?

Jessie: I’m like, “Okay.” Yeah, on the other side of the park.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: So I’m like, “Okay, sure, fine.” You know, we went, and he ran off with his camera down the trail, and I was trailing behind and just walking along in the snow, and I just prayed this prayer, “Lord, I know You know where that ring is, and I know it’s not a big deal in light of eternity, but if You would just show us where it is, we would remember every New Year’s Day that You’re a God who does miracles.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: And I kid you not, I looked, uh, down at my feet in the snow, and making a perfect silver circle was Paul’s ring.

Jim: Mm-hmm. Wow.

Jessie: Right in the snow.

Jim: Right at your feet. Right at that moment.

Jessie: Right at my feet. Right at that moment.

Jim: Okay.

Jessie: And I, I just … So now, every New Year’s Day, we throw a party, (laughs) remembering and-

Jim: So you kept your promise?

Jessie: Uh, we did. And a few years later, we were hiking in the Sierra Nevada mountains, we had hiked eight miles that day, pulled into camp, exhausted, and Paul looks down, and his wedding ring is gone.

John: Oh my goodness.

Jessie: And I thought, first of all, “Why did we not get that ring size the first time?” Like-

John: (laughs)

Jim: You need to eat more.

Jessie: We are idiots. (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Jessie: We need to fatten you up a little bit.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: And honestly, I was so embarrassed. I didn’t even wanna pray. I didn’t pray. I was like, God-

Jim: Oh, man.

Jessie: God already returned it once. Like asking a second time, that’s a little presumptuous. (laughs) But we looked around the camp, and we didn’t find it, and he’s like, “I’m gonna go hike up this mountain up here to get the sunset.” I’m like, “That’s fine. I’m staying here. It’s cold.”

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: So I got into the tent, and as I was walking into the tent, I was praying, “Lord, I’m so embarrassed to even ask, but I know You know where Paul’s wedding (laughs) ring is, and clearly, You can do miracles. You’ve (laughs) done it before. So if You wouldn’t mind showing us where it is-”

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: “… We would remember that You are a God who not only does miracles, but is incredibly patient with us.”

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: And I pulled the sleeping bag up as I got into my bag, and it was sitting on top of the sleeping bag.

Jim: Ah.

Jessie: And I just … I was just in tears. Like, “What a kind God.”

Jim: Yeah. You know, I wonder how many of those things we don’t even notice-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … Even as believers-

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: … That we’re not in tune enough-

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: … To really see the little-

Jessie: Yeah. I don’t think so.

Jim: Little gestures that God is doing for us every day.

Jessie: For sure. Absolutely, every day.

Jim: You know? I think when we get to heaven, that maybe that’s all out there for us and we see it all.

Jessie: Yeah.

Jim: And we just drop to our knees-

Jessie: I, I think we will.

Jim: … going, “Lord, I had no clue.”

Jessie: Absolutely. And I have to share the third story about missing rings, though, because this does sort of, uh, bring another-

Jim: You had a third incident?

Jessie: Uh, I’m so embarrassed to say, Jim.

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: Except this time, it was my wedding ring.

Jim: (laughs) Oh my goodness.

Jessie: And I threw a series of events that I don’t need to get into, had to punch a life-size hockey puck for a camera, for a video that we were making at a Christian camp so- (laughs)

Jim: Wow, yeah.

Jessie: Somehow, during the punching scene, the- my wedding ring flew off my hand into a front yard. It was not, not a mountain. It was not Yosemite covered in snow. It was just a front yard with some grass. And so I was feeling a little confident like, “Okay, God, this is child’s play to You.”

Jim: I can- I got this one.

Jessie: I … (laughs) We looked in the grass, didn’t find it. I’m praying like, “Lord, clearly You can do miracles.”

Jim: (laughs)

Jessie: “Clearly You know where this ring is.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: I never found my wedding ring.

Jim: Oh, wow.

Jessie: And mine was more expensive than Paul’s. I’m a little salty at God about that one, but-

Jim: (laughs) Oh, interesting.

Jessie: I think the three stories are all part to one whole truth, that God can do miracles. He wants us to ask. He- We can ask again and again, even when we’ve asked before, because He doesn’t tire of giving good gifts to His kids, and when He does say no, it’s for a higher purpose that maybe we can’t see in that moment, but we can trust that He’s a good God.

Jim: Yeah, and I think the question there, Jessie, is, “How do you not become bitter-”

Jessie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “… Over an- Him not answering that one?”

Jessie: That’s right. That’s right, because He said no to healing my mom from cancer.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jessie: He said no to finding that wedding ring, which is such child’s play. He said no to a job that I really wanted, or, you know … We have to be able to ask for those miracles and trust the response. Like that, that, I feel like is true faith.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Yeah, that’s so good. Well, this whole conversation has been good, I think. And it’s your book, Your Brightest Life: Tips for Navigating Relationships, Health, Faith, Mindset, and More, and it’s a excellent resource. Um, and it’s been good to have you. I do want to come back and keep it going. There’s much more in the book, and we’re not even gonna cover it all in two days.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, I hope you will want to get a copy of this. And if you can partner with us in ministry, send us a gift of any amount, we’ll send you the book as our way of saying thank you. Thank you for helping marriages, thank you for helping parents do the best job they can do, helping teen girls, which, uh, goes through Brio Magazine. That’s what those dollars go into doing. And, uh, I would so appreciate your participation with us. And again, we’ll send you the book to say thank you.

John: Yeah. Donate when you call 800, the letter A, and the word, FAMILY, or we’ll have details for you at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: In fact, John, we’re looking for a thousand people to join that monthly giving, uh, opportunity. Jean and I donate that way. I know you and Dena do.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, we call it Friends of Focus on the Family, the team, and that provides the financial fuel to keep it all going. So it’s a great way to be engaged, and it really helps us with the annual budgeting process.

John: Yeah, and you can join our Friends of Focus on the Family team when you call that toll free number. Again, it’s 800, the letter A, and the word, FAMILY, or, uh, look for the link to donate at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And on behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we continue the conversation with Jessie Minassian, and once again, help you and your family thrive in Christ.