Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

John Fuller: Here’s an insightful quote about the power of our words from Mother Teresa, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: Uh, John, today we’re sharing a very upbeat presentation from Dave and Ashley Willis. And they’re going to talk about how our words, both positive and negative, impact the people around us. You ever had that experience?

John: Uh, yes (laughing).

Jim: In marriage (laughs)?

John: Yes (laughing).

Jim: Dave and Ashley are authors and speakers. They have four sons, God bless them.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And they’ve been on this broadcast several times. And there’s a lot of great content here, so let’s get into it.

John: All right, here are Dave and Ashley Willis speaking to our staff on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Dave Willis: And so, we wanna talk to you a little bit today just about the power of words. You know, when w- we met at college at Georgetown College, a little Christian school in Kentucky, and when you walked into the library, there was a, a big plaque outside the library with a verse from Proverbs. And it said, “Whoever finds wisdom finds life and receives favor from the Lord.” And in that period of my life, I didn’t have a whole lotta wisdom, but that intrigued me a lot.

And then around that same time, I heard a message from a pastor that challenged me in a way that was life-changing. He said, “Listen guys, God wants you to be wise. The Book of Proverbs in the Bible is all about wisdom, and there are 31 chapters in that book. If you read a chapter a day, every day, it’ll only take you a few minutes. But if you do that over and over again each month, you read through the whole book once a month, and over the years to come it will change your life. Because the Proverbs has wisdom for, for relationships, and faith, and work, and finances, and all these parts of life.” And so, I, I did that, and it really did start having a life-changing impact. And it, it will, among other things, it will shape the way that you speak words to the people-

Ashley Willis: Yes.

Dave: … in your life. And then that consequently will shape your relationships.

Ashley: It will, because we know there’s so much power in the words that we speak. And I think that, you know, for those of us in the room who are parents, we know that. And, and you hear this a lot in parenting courses and books that we read on parenting. But I think we forget, even as adults in our relationships, in our marriage, in our friendships, in, in, our relationship with our colleagues, the words we speak to each other really matter, and they hold so much weight.

You know, God spoke the world into existence with His words, so we know that they carry so much power. And we need to learn how to speak them correctly and in a loving way, and so that we can build each other up and not tear each other down. And so, we know that there’s such power in them, and I think that when we tend to not really pay close attention to the words we’re speaking, it’s usually because we’re in what I like to refer to as a sandpaper season.

And you guys may know what I’m talking about. In a sandpaper season, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, it’s like everybody and everything around you, whether it’s good or bad, right, it tends to rub you the wrong way, right? So, somebody who did nothing wrong to you could come up to you, and because you’re in a rough season, they come up to you and say something to you, and you hear it the wrong way and it’s like sandpaper to you, and you become like sandpaper to them. And then out comes those words that you wish you hadn’t said, right?

And I’ve found myself, you know, more than once, I’ve found myself in sandpaper seasons, and I’ve definitely struggled with finding the right words. And there was one in particular where we had moved across state lines, we were in a new community, and we weren’t really settling in as fast as I had kind of hoped in my mind. And normally I love putting a house together. Like, it’s one of my favorite things to do. I love decorating, I love making it feel like home. But because I was in a sandpaper season, even that was rubbing me the wrong way.

And so, one morning, while the kids were occupied, I was like, “You know what? I’m gonna, I’m just gonna suck it up, and I’m gonna put some curtains up and make this house a home if it kills me,” right (laughs)? So, I’m not really having the right attitude about it, and I’m stomping up and down this, this ladder to go put up this curtain rod, and I’m wrestling with it. And I just cannot get the screw to go square in the hole. I don’t know if you’ve ever dealt with that, but it’s so frustrating. And then I would, like, the, the drill would eat out, like, where I needed to get the screw to go into the hole, and I had to get a new screw. And I’m like so frustrated.

And so in walks Dave, and he’s in all of his workout gear, because he’s a runner, and he is, like, so chipper, you guys. And I love that he’s chipper. Like, for a second, I’m like, “I’m so glad my husband’s not in a terrible mood like I am.” But then I’m like, “Why is he in such a great mood?”

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: (laughs)

Ashley: That is not fair, okay? And so he’s like, “Hey sweetie, it is a beautiful day outside. I’m just gonna go on, like, a 30-minute run,” and then he looks at me for a minute, and he goes, “Oh. Oh, you’re putting up a curtain rod.” And he’s like, “Oh, do you need any help with that? How are you doing?” An- and I, I literally flipped my head around and was like, “I’m fine,” like as, as sharp as I could possibly say it, okay?

Dave: (laughs)

Ashley: And because I said I was fine, Dave went out the door.

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: Right. I mean, her face and her non-verbals said she wasn’t fine. But, like-

Ashley: Yes.

Dave: … she said she was fine, so I took it, right? Like, “All right, well I’m, I’m gonna go.”

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: ‘Cause, like, when I say I’m fine, it usually means that I’m fine. Like, a- and so-

Audience: (laughs)

Ashley: Yeah.

Dave: … I just thought, well, maybe, you know, she’s in the zone. Ashley… Just to give you a little context here of how I misread the situation, Ashley grew up in a house with a guy, a man, a dad, who could fix anything. Like, he could fix anything. Like, the show MacGyver is loosely based on her dad. She thought all men were like that. And then she married me, okay?

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: So, she’s, her dad taught her how to do all this stuff, and so when it comes to home improvement, I’m usually just trying to help, like fetching stuff for her, like, “Hey, can I get this? Can I get that?” To the point where all the tools in our house, we have four sons, they refer to all the tools in our house as Mommy’s tools, okay?

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: And I got a, I got a toolbox for Christmas one year from one of my brothers, I think more of… It, it looks like a child’s fishing tackle box.

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: It’s like this big, I’m still not even sure what all the tools in it are. She’s really good at this, I’m not. So, I thought she was in the zone, she didn’t want me t- helping, which was fine ’cause I was happy to not help.

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: I took off running. Which was amazing, it was a great day. It was beautiful.

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: I come back, I’m glowing. And she’s still struggling. And-

Ashley: I’m really struggling. Okay?

Dave: … and I was about to struggling too.

Ashley: You were.

Audience: (laughs)

Ashley: He didn’t even know it, though, you guys. He didn’t even know what he was walking in to. ‘Cause maybe you’re not, maybe you’re like me, maybe you’re not, okay? But during the 30-minute run where my precious husband is getting endorphins, is feeling good, blowing off steam, enjoying the beautiful day, I’m stomping up that ladder, and I’m having a fight with him in my head. And I am winning. I, I’m just have this in my head.

So, in he walks. He’s just got the glow, and it, and he literally, I, I, I’m pretty sure you did this, you were like, “Oh, I mean, this day is just awesome. That was such a good run. I’m just so grateful for today.” I mean, he was in such a great mood. And then he looks over at me, and he goes, “Oh, the curtain rod’s not up yet.”

Dave: Now, I, I don’t remember this-

Audience: Booo!

Dave: … I don’t remember it.

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: I-

Ashley: You said it.

Dave: … cannot say for certain whether or not that happened.

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: Um-

Ashley: It did (laughs).

Dave: … I was probably just trying to make conversation (laughing).

Ashley: You w-

Dave: No (laughing), it was, if I said that, and I probably did, it was t- it was wrong.

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: I’m sorry, publicly-

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: … in front of the world today, I wanna say I was wrong. I’m sorry.

Ashley: I accept it (laughs). No, but you were not… He honestly had no idea. So, like, he says this comment to me, which was just a comment in passing. And I whipped my head around like the exorcist, okay? And I literally, like, start spewing word vomit, okay? Like, not kind words. And I literally, I think what I ended up saying, as loud as possible, was, “I can’t even look at you right now.”

Dave: Right. And, and so then, in my mind, I kind of, like, think back over the whole thing. Have you ever done that? Have you ever found yourself in a situation and you’re like, “How did we get here?” And I think back, like, she said she was fine-

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: … but she wasn’t fine. Like, that’s where, that’s where this whole thing went wrong, right? Y- like, it’s like you get to the e- the end of the movie The Sixth Sense and you’re like, “Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time?”

Ashley: Spoiler.

Dave: “The whole time, he’s been dead?”

Ashley: Sorry.

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: And I- I, and that’s how I felt in this moment, I’ve been dead the whole time.

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: I’ve been dead the whole time, and just now realized that because I missed, I missed the communication that she was trying to give me, ’cause I was so just in my own world. And I think it’s so easy for all of us to do that, at work, at home, everywhere we go, to get in our own little bubble with our own little agenda, and to be so focused on what we’re doing that we minimize the thoughts, and feelings, and words of those who are around us. And in doing that, we- we’re steamrolling over the people that we love instead of building, building bonds and mutual respect, and looking for ways to serve and connect. And dealing with stress in our own ways, we were both stressed in that season.

Ashley: Yes.

Dave: And instead of leaning in an facing that stress together, we were just isolating ourselves, you know? Like, the going for a run, in, in part, was just an escape from the stress instead of leaning in and saying, like, “Hey, before I go do that, let’s really connect and talk about what’s going on.” And I was missing moments to, to do that. And th- this, this moment just became a, a critical point where we realized, okay, the status quo isn’t working.

Ashley: Exactly. And it was a critical turning point for me, too, because it wasn’t all on Dave for this. I mean, I was expecting my non-verbals, my huffs, and my puffs, and my eye rolls, and my head, you know, flipping my head around, like, to do my communicating for me, right? Instead of just saying, you know, instead of saying “fine,” okay, I should’ve been honest and said, “You know what? I do need your help. I need help. I’m so frustrated right now. I don’t like it here. I don’t even like this house. Like, normally I would love doing something like this, but I’m so frustrated.”

And instead, I think was believing the lie that I just needed to just handle it myself and, and that it’s just my problem. It’s not Dave’s problem. And then it c- it soon became his problem, and then I created more problems, okay? Because that’s what happens when we don’t communicate in a loving and kind and honest way. Like, if I had just used my words, my poor husband would know how I was really feeling, right? And if he had used his words to tell me, like, “I feel like escaping. Like, I’m not liking this season eish- either,” we could’ve gotten more on the same page.

And so at that point, like, we really had a, a heart-to-heart conversation. He apologized for not really paying attention, like he said. But I apologized for not really telling him the truth. And it really got us to get more on the same page with communicating in a healthy way. And whether you’re married or not, I feel like we all can end up butting heads with someone that we work closely with, that we’re in friendship with. Maybe it is with your children. Whoever it is in your life, you may be at kind of a situation like this where you’re in a sandpaper season, and both of you have been rubbing each other the wrong way.

I hope that after today, you know, you go back to that person and say, “Listen, I am so sorry that I’ve been coming off the way that I have. I’ve been pushing you away. I’ve been acting like there’s not a problem, and there is. And I want, I want to get it all out, and I wanna talk t- to each other in a loving way so that we can have that strong bond that God wants us to have.”

John: You’re listening to Ashley and Dave Willis on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And you can find more insights in Dave’s book called The Seven Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships. We’ll send that to you for a donation of any amount to the ministry of Focus today, and we’ll include a free audio download of this entire presentation. Donate and request those resources at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, or call for details, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, 800-232-6459. Let’s go ahead and return now to more from Dave and Ashley Willis.

Dave: Yeah. And God wants you to have healthy relationships. That’s why the Scriptures say so much about this. And I wanna just read some scriptures right now. Th- the best preaching advice I ever got, early on, as a young pastor, and, uh, this, us, this preaching mentor, like, back, back in Kentucky, and he said it just like this. He, it, me and a, a group of other young guys, he says, “Now fellas, listen, whenever you’re speaking-

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: … always use lots of Scripture. That way you’ll know at least something you said’s actually true.”

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: So, so this part’s actually true, all right? Matthew 12… An- and to me, this verse right here, to me, this is one of th- the scariest verses in the whole Bible. Thin- listen to the weight of these words from Jesus and, and, uh, I bet it’ll be a little bit sobering to you as well. Jesus says this, Matthew 12:36, “But I tell you, everyone will have to give an account on the day of judgment for every word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Guys, that’s heavy. Because I’ve said some stuff, and I bet you have too. I’ve said some stuff, I’ve, I’ve texted some stuff that if it was broadcast on a screen somewhere, I would wanna just crawl under a table and die. We’ve all said careless words. And here Jesus is saying, man, those words have so much weight. Now, as followers of Chris, we don’t have to live in shame or condemnation, because Jesus paid the price on the cross for every sin we’ll ever commit, every wrong word we’ll ever speak, and so we can live in the freedom of that, and not in the condemnation of, of the judgment of that.

But at the same time, we have to carry in our minds and in our heart, always, as we prepare to speak words, that these words are weighty. These words matter. Just as God Himself formed the universe with words and created us in His image, we’re shaping the world around us by the words that we’re speaking to the people in our lives. And if we’re not speaking life, then we’re speaking death. And we live in a time when people are so desperate, they’re so hungry for encouragement that they’ll go anywhere to find it, and yet we’re starving each other of encouragement, very often in our own homes and in our own friendships.

I heard a woman once giving a, a, a teaching about customer service, and she said, “You know, I go into stores in different places and I tell ’em, ‘You have the power to change the world. Because every interaction you have is an opportunity for you to, you to encourage someone. And encouragement is life-changing power.’” And she was teaching a, a group of grocery store workers this principle. And a few weeks later, this lady was s- was saying, “I got a call from a young man who was at my session, and he said, ‘Listen, um, your talk changed my life.’” And she said, “How did it change your life?” And he said, “Well, I work at a grocery store and I’m a bag boy, and I never saw my job as important. But after your talk, I realized that I have the opportunity to change people’s lives.”

And she said, “Well, tell me a little bit about yourself.” And he said, “Well, my, my name’s Johnny. I’m 19 years old. And I have Down Syndrome. So, what’s easy for a lot of people is, is a little more difficult for me. And I do it a little more slowly, and I, I think in different ways. But I love people, and I’ve always wanted to change the world. But I never thought that I would be able to because I didn’t think I’d have the opportunity. But when you said every interaction is an opportunity to encourage, and the world’s hungry for encouragement, I realized I was seeing hundreds of people every day, and that I could encourage ’em.

So, I sat down with my parents, and I got this idea that every night, we’d get online and we would find, like, a Bible verse or an encouraging thought for the day, and we would, we would print ’em all out on paper and cut ’em out like little fortune cook- fortune cookie-size pieces of paper. And as I’m bagging people’s grocery, I would take that piece of paper and I’d say, ‘Here’s a little encouragement for you today. I hope it makes your day. God loves you, and I do too, and I hope you have a great day.’ And I put it in their bag, and, and I started doing that. And you wouldn’t believe what happened. After a couple days, my line became the longest line in the store.

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: Like, people would line up, like, forever when other lines were wide open. And the managers would come around and say, ‘Why aren’t you guys using self-checkout? Why aren’t you in this line over here?’ And they’re like, ‘No, I don’t even need this stick of gum I’m buying. I just wanna see Johnny. Like, that kid makes my day. I gotta get today’s encouraging thought of the day.’”

And he said, “I, I realize that we all have this superpower of encouragement, and yet so few of us are using it.” And our words, guys, have the ability to do that. You can change someone’s outlook on life, you can change someone’s perspective. You can build somebody up or you can tear them down with the power of, of your words. And here are just a few of the things, coming back to Proverbs, that Proverbs say about this. Proverbs 11:9, “With their words the Godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous.” Proverbs 26, talking about gossip, “Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.” That’s a good one (laughs). And about repeating negative behavior, and this one is kind gross, but the imagery’ll stick with you. Proverbs 26:11, “As a dog returns to its vomit…” S- have you ever seen that, by the way? Dog ret… It’s gross.

Ashley: Gross.

Dave: But it’s in the Bible, “… so a fool repeats his foolishness.” In other words, we have a tendency to go back and repeat… We’ll say gross things, we’ll know it’s wrong, and then we’ll repeat it. We’ll go back to that same pattern. And God is calling us to live by wisdom, and saying, “Break away from those negative patterns. Remove those negative words from your vocabulary and start going in a di- different direction.”

Ashley: Absolutely. And we have the power to do that with God’s help. But we have to look at our life and really take an assessment. First of all, who are we surrounding ourselves with the most? Because, and I’m sure you guys have heard this before, this is in many books, both Christian and secular, it talks about how you’re gonna become most like the five people you hang around the most. You know, think about that, and if there’s people in your life where they’re not leading you towards God, they’re leading your further away from God, or they, they’re getting you into the habit of saying things carelessly, or hurtful things, or being a gossip, or just always being negative, always complaining, I would distance yourself from those people.

And pray for them, yes. But don’t let them be in your inner circle, because you’re gonna become more like them. I think we also need to think about what are we consuming. We need to think about what are we listening to? What are we watching? What are we reading? Because that affects how we think, and then it affects t- what we do and what we say. And I think all of us have to do this regularly. This isn’t like a one-time-and-done. This is a journey through life.

Because the truth is, we’re changing as people all the time. And there’s different circumstances that we’re facing. We’re going through different seasons. And so, all of us really need to be, you know, really tuned in to wh- where our minds are going. And we wanna make sure that we set our minds on, on Jesus. That we’re reading our Bible, we’re putting, uh, His truth inside our minds, His words inside our minds. And make sure that we’re not consuming stuff that would draw us away from the Lord, and then ha- h- you know, lead us to say words to others that draw them away from the Lord. I mean, that’s how much power we have in our words.

I think about, you know, when we have people in our lives that come to us and they say, “Man, so-and-so said this about me, and I just can’t seem to shake. Like, I, I just, I am that person they said I am. I’m never gonna do anything good in my life.” We’ve gotta be those people to stand in the gap and say, “No, no, no. No. God has a bright future for you. And it may take a lotta hard work. More than likely, it is. And it’s gonna take a conscious effort on your part, but you can chart a new course for you and your family. You can do great things for God in His power and with His help.” You know, we have, have the ability to be that kind of person that builds each other up and really changes the trajectory of their life.

Dave: We really do. And, and we’re called to do that. Like, good, kind words are healing. Proverbs says this, Proverbs 16:24, “Kind words, words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy to the body.” Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” And over and over in Proverbs, and throughout all of Scripture, we see the power of words.

And words leave impressions, especially when we’re young. It’s like our hearts and minds are wet cement when we’re young, and the words spoken to us in those times for impressions, just like someone putting their hand prints in wet cement. And whether those words were positive or negative, we grow up, and those impressions are hard to shake. And some of us are still walking around as adults with, with these images in our mind, these lies in our mind limiting us because people in our lives, who should’ve been protecting us and encouraging us, were critical to us, or even abusive to us.

And that’s when we’ve gotta find the healing that, that only Jesus can bring. And maybe we find that in part through Christian counseling, but we always find it through His Word reminding us who we are. Because God says who we are… H- the one who made us is the only one who can define us. And His plan for your life is something that’s beautiful. And if you’ve believed broken soundtracks in your mind about who you are, it’s time to go back to the truth about who God says you are.

‘Cause as parents, even if you had the best of parents, you’re gonna blow it sometimes. Like, I’ve been at, at parenting a while, and we teach about this stuff, and I still blow it a lot. And they’re not just all, like, past stories. I mean, th- there, I’ve got recent stories of me not speaking words with wisdom and kindness. I’ll give you a recent example. So, our son who j- gr- just graduated high school, the last couple weeks of his high school, we were doing all the senior year stuff, like going to banquets for this, and awards and stuff for that.

And so, one night, um, we’re, we’re going to the band banquet. It’s a banquet, it’s nice, it’s fancy. And it’s a big deal. He’s been in band since, like, sixth grade, and this is a big celebration of that as a senior. So, we drive there real fast. I’d driven there so fast I hadn’t paid attention to what he was wearing. And I looked back in the car at what he’s wearing as we’re about to go in, and he had just come from the gym. And he had a sweat ring around his T-shirt, and these gym shorts that were, like, baggy, and these old socks. And I was like, “You, you can’t-

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: … wear that.” And he’s like, “What’s it matter what I wear?”

Ashley: (laughing)

Dave: Like, “It matters a lot. It says banquet on the thing, a- and you look like a bum, man. Th- you can’t wear that.” And he goes, “I’m 18.”

Ashley: I’m 18.

Dave: Like, “Oh no he didn’t.”

Ashley: (laughing)

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: “He didn’t do the I’m 18.” So, I bit my tongue, and the reason why I bit my tongue is some friends from church were walking by right at that moment. You ever had this happen?

Audience: (laughing)

Ashley: Totally, yes.

Dave: When you’re about to lose it, and all of a sudden, you win an Academy Award for Best Actor because hi- his guidance counselor goes to our church, and it was him and his wife and one of their kids. And I’m like, “You listen to me, you listen… Hey, God bless you-

Ashley: I know.

Dave: … how are you?

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: Oh, have you lost weight? I know (laughs), the-

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: … these kids grow up so… Where does the time go? I know, I know (laughing).

Ashley: (laughing)

Dave: We do have to grab lunch. We do, yes. Call me. Call me (laughing), it’s so good to see you. I can’t believe you.”

Audience: (laughs)

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: And so, we drive, and we’re parking. I gotta figure out a plan now. What am I gonna do? You can’t go in like that. You know, you just can’t. And he’s-

Ashley: Mm-hmm.

Dave: … like, gonna go in like that. And, “M- you can’t. Y- I’ve failed you as a parent if-

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: … after 18 years, you think you’re gonna walk in like that.” And so, again, I should’ve been wise. I should’ve been mature. But that’s not what happened. So, what happened was he started saying, “This is what I’m wearing. I’m 18. I’m 18, I wear what I want.” And I was like, “Okay.

Ashley: (laughs) Oh my goodness.

Dave: This is what’s gonna happen. You and I are the same size.

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: I’m gonna take off my clothes in this parking lot.

Audience: (laughing)

Ashley: (laughing) This is a true story.

Dave: I’m gonna give them to your ungrateful behind, and you’re gonna put them on.

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: You’re gonna go in, and I’m gonna drive home and pray to God I don’t get pulled over by the police and explain why I’m half-naked.

Ashley: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: So, that’s what’s gonna happen.” And he’s like, “That’s dumb. I’m 18.” And then I start pulling my clothes saying, “I’m 44.”

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: I’m 44, and I’m having to get naked in a parking lot-

Ashley: (laughing)

Dave: … ’cause my son who’s 18 doesn’t know how to dress.

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: And I know what you take away from that story. “He’s only 44? He looks old.”

Ashley: (laughing)

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: I do.

Ashley: Oh, goodness.

Dave: Do you know why I look old? Because parenting is hard.

Audience: (laughing)

Ashley: (laughing)

Dave: I looked so young before I had kids (laughing). But-

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: … so he’s laughing now, because it was ridiculous. I, like, losi… I was the toddler at that point-

Audience: (laughs)

Dave: … ripping my clothes of-

Ashley: (laughs)

Dave: … and throwing a… (laughing) And he’s laughing, Ashley’s laughing. And I then… And then I’m laughing in my underwear in the school parking lot.

Ashley: (laughs)

Audience: (laughing)

Dave: And as I drive home to go (laughing) change clothes.

Ashley: And you did not get pulled over, thank goodness.

Dave: I th- I did not get pulled over.

Ashley: Yes.

Dave: No, I did not. So, all of us are a work in progress, guys. Like, we, we do not come at these s- sessions as experts, but encouragers who are fellow strugglers on the journey with you, that are trying t- every day, having to have opportunities to repent again and say, “Lord, I, I, (laughing) I blew it again. Would you help me? Would you forgive me of that? Would you give me wisdom to do it better next time? Would you help us to keep growing-

Ashley: Mm-hmm.

Dave: … and to show grace to each other?” And I- I’m so thankful for an amazing wife who’s, who’s done that for me, who’s shown me grace, who spoke words o- of healing and life over me. Whether it was going through health struggles or going through early in our marriage, uh, sin struggles, where I had this, this secret struggle with pornography from my teenage years into early adulthood, and had lived in the secret shame of that cycle. And when that came out, as you can imagine, it was messy. And she so wisely helped navigate that mess through the pain that she was feeling that I had caused. But still, instead of beating me down with her words, spoke life to me.

And I, I just, I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve that encouragement. But I can’t describe how healing that was. And I, I’m s- I’m so thankful for that. And we have so much power in our words, guys, to be healers. It doesn’t mean we never speak hard truth. The Bible tells us to do that as well. And sometimes that’s what encouragement is, to literally give the courage to someone for them to do something that’s really difficult that they’re, they’re not willing to do at the moment. But we’ve gotta come back to kindness, and not being… The worlds full of criticism, and sarcasm, and anger, and all that stuff. And as people of Jesus, followers of Jesus, our words, they have to be different.

Ashley: They do. And even when we blow it, which we will, okay, we will because we’re human and we’re imperfect, when we, when we blow it with someone and we did not quite say the words, we gotta have that courage to go up to them and say, “Listen, I am so sorry. Like, I should not have said that. Would you please forgive me? I want to do better next time.” And the we need to do better next time, and do the best we can, and ask for God’s help. And He will help us.

But kind of make, make a declaration over your life that you’re going to be someone that speaks words of life. Because there’s going to be people in your life that come to you, maybe based on what you went through, seeing how you got through it, and you can be that person to say, “God is not finished with you yet. He has good things for you. He has a future that, that you don’t, you can’t even imagine. And, and you are not damaged goods, you are His beloved child.” We all need to strive to be those kind of people.

John: And that’s how we came to the close of this presentation from Dave and Ashley Willis to our staff on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jim: Well, it was great. And I really appreciate the honesty and humor, uh, from Dave and Ashley. Their stories are unforgettable. And if you’d like to delve deeper into how to love other people well with your words and your actions, uh, let me recommend a book written by Dave Willis called The Seven Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships. Uh, go with Dave on a journey through the ins and outs of everyday relationships to see practical examples of how to love others better. That’s the idea.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, you can get a copy of The Seven Laws of Love from us here at Focus on the Family for a donation of any amount, and we’ll include a free audio download of this presentation from the Willis’ with extra content. And when you donate today, special friends of the ministry will double your donation. I always love this.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You know, it’s just a fun way to spur you on to give, and they’re gonna match that dollar for dollar. So, join us as we continue our efforts to bring help and hope to families who need it.

John: Yeah, donate today and get your copy of Dave’s book when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, that’s 800-232-6459. Or you can donate online and request it at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.