Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Deborah Pegues: We have to be open to input, and women tend to be a little bit more open to input from others. And so that’s a trait you wanna develop, to say, “Wait a minute,” when you’re frustrated because your way isn’t going well, or nobody’s accepting it, you gotta say, “Wait, let me open myself up and listen. Maybe my way isn’t the best way.”

John Fuller: Well, that’s Deborah Pegues and she joins us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And she’s gonna encourage women who are in leadership. Thanks for joining us. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: You know, John, as president of Focus on the Family, I’ve always been interested in leadership topics. It’s not something we cover much on the broadcast, or-

John: We don’t. Yeah.

Jim: … but it’s something I am deeply interested in because it’s a way that God gifts us to get things done. Right? And, uh, sometimes I lead and sometimes I follow. I can’t remember whose song that was, but (laughs).

John: I don’t remember that one.

Jim: It’s a good way to look at it.

John: Yeah.

Jim: And today we do wanna cover that idea of leadership, but specifically, uh, for women. And for women, leadership is a key narrative right now, whether it’s in the workplace or in the home. Women do lead. And over the last few decades, we’ve seen a rise in women leaders in our culture, and there’s no doubt that their influence will have a lasting impact-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and our guest is an example of that. She’s a wonderful business leader and spiritual leader, and we’re gonna discuss many of the things that she has learned along the way.

John: We are. Uh, Deborah Pegues is really one of our most popular guests here.

Jim: Yay.

John: We always get a great response from our audience. She spent many years in the corporate world, and she’s a CPA, a certified behavioral consultant, a bible teacher, international speaker, the author of a number of books. Uh, she’s a busy lady.

Jim: (laughs).

John: Uh, the book that we’re gonna be talking about today, uh, that forms the foundation for the conversation is called, Lead Like a Woman: Gain Confidence, Navigate Obstacles, Empower Others. And we’ve got details about Deborah and her book at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Deborah, welcome back to Focus on the Family.

Deborah: Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited about our topic today, and it’s just great to see you guys again.

Jim: Oh, likewise. It’s so much fun. And Darnell, your husband’s out there in the gallery.

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: And we so appreciate seeing him too. Hey, um, Deborah, let me, let me start here. This wasn’t my original opening question, but I do want to get this up there. You know, today there, there can be so much controversy on male leadership and female leadership and biblical leadership and all those kinds of constructs. But you look at Proverbs 31, that woman who did so much, she seemingly ran a business, she ran the household, she did a lot. And to the chagrin of many women who say, “I, I can’t be Proverbs 31 woman,” but speak to the idea of women leadership from a biblical perspective.

Deborah: Well, Jim, let’s just start at the very beginning in Genesis 1, when God was giving the mandate and He said to them, the woman and the man, be fruitful and multiply. You see that that was a mandate to both of them. So from the beginning, God meant for men and women to work together, not to compete, but to complete.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Deborah: And I always like to say this, that where he zigs, I zag. And we’re not just talking about in business today, we’re talking about in any area, leadership is influenced. So in any area where a woman is influencing others, that’s what leadership is. It’s just working together. So I just wanna make sure that we understand from the gate that we’re not talking about up with women and down with men or anything like that.

Jim: Right. Which is good. And that can get misconstrued.

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: And I just wanna make sure that we could put listeners at ease.

Deborah: Yeah. We just, that, we wanna do that.

Jim: That’s not the thing. But there are a lot of women in the workplace now that are leading. And you’re, you’re an example of that. I, I think, right out of the gate, what have you observed when it comes to the differences in the leadership style between men and women?

Deborah: I, I believe God has empowered women with certain traits that really position them to be great leaders. But He’s positioned men as well. But we’re gonna focus on the women. And I think one of the first traits that he, uh, endowed us with is just being collaborative. Women like to co-collaborate. We like to co-labor. We don’t have to be the lone ranger.

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: We, we like a group. We even all go to the restroom together (laughs).

Jim: I know. Okay. I can’t figure that one out but it’s okay. Go ahead. Yeah. Men do not copy that one.

John: No, we don’t.

Deborah: No, but we, but we realize the power of unity. And so we are more likely to say, let’s get a group together. But I do wanna also establish from the beginning that the traits we’ll talk about, that God has empowered women with they’re assets, but if they’re used to the extreme, they become liabilities.

Jim: Hmm.

Deborah: So while we’d like to collaborate, if we collaborate too much, we’ll never make a decision.

Jim: Let me ask you this. Another essential skill for a strong leader is communication. I see that on our board. I mean, we have four women on the board along with men. And, uh, they really can, uh, communicate very effectively, especially when it comes to reading the board book and things like that. They really devour it and come in ready to go.

Deborah: Well, that’s because they have no limitations on being a judge that’s being too much of a communicator or talking too much. See, we, we can just keep talking (laughs).

Jim: (laughs). Okay, now we’re getting down to it.

John: Uh-huh.

Jim: That’s funny.

Deborah: But communication isn’t just about talking-

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: … it’s, it’s that willingness to keep everybody informed.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: It, it’s a willingness to say, this is how I feel about it.

Jim: But also in communication, you’re reading the person you’re talking with. I, I think women often will do that more successfully than men generally. There’s all, you know, the 80/20 rule.

Deborah: Right.

Jim: But like, we wanna make our point and make sure it gets across. “Do you hear me? Do you understand?” I think women have a more kind of give and take in that regard that, you know, if they know you’re not listening, they’re gonna ask you about that. “Are, you know, are you listening to me?”

Deborah: Yeah. And, you know, I, there’s a story in, um, 2 Samuel where, um, Joab was coming to tear down this city. And there was a woman who had no position of authority. She was an influential woman though. And she said, “Somebody bring him to me.” And when he comes, she says, “Are you Joab?” She says, “Listen to me.”

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: I love that. I’m thinking like, “Who are you-”

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: “… exerting all this authority?” But that, you are right. Women will say, “Are you listening? Do you understand?” And we keep people informed. You know, I always say that the only things that grow in the dark are mushrooms and misunderstanding (laughs).

Jim: That’s good. I agree.

Deborah: But, but women keep people informed. I worked on a job once where people were kind of played it close to the vest.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Deborah: And when I left and I was the chief financial officer, they said, listen, “We like it because you kept us informed. I even explained to them how to read the company’s financial statements.” They said, “Everything’s a secret. But when you were here, we were informed.” Yeah.

Jim: Yeah. How does a woman in leadership not take the bait to act like a man? ‘Cause there’s so much pressure to do that. So being strong in who she is and how God has made her as a woman, and to lead from those strengths and not, not fall for, “Okay, I gotta project myself like a man.”

Deborah: Well, it comes with your belief system. Now you have to believe that. That’s why it’s important to be Bible-based. You have to believe that God has a role for you, and that you don’t have to compete for your destiny. See, I never felt like I needed to compete. I don’t need to play politics. I don’t need to back stab or any of that, because promotion comes from God and I expect Him to exalt me in the workplace-

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: … not because of my efforts, but, and I also expect Him to reveal to me what I need to know, when I need to know it. So I don’t feel like this thing with inadequacy, which is a big deal for women, because they studied leadership traits and women excelled men in leadership traits in eight out of 10 categories.

Jim: Huh.

Deborah: The only two they didn’t excel was confidence and risk taking.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Can you believe that?

Jim: Yeah. I mean, I think so I could understand that. You, you had a story in the book about Carl. Uh, tell us about Carl and what you learned from that exchange.

Deborah: Well, Carl was, um, a guy had, I had hired, and I’ve had several CFO positions, so nobody’s gonna know who I’m talking about here.

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: But he always felt the need to answer my questions even if he didn’t have the answer, he would just blurt out something. And I said, “This isn’t working for you and it’s not working for me. Why do you do that?” And he said that his father was the type that you better have an answer. So he would just say anything.

Jim: Even if it’s the wrong answer?

Deborah: Yeah, the wrong answer.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: You gotta respond. You can’t say, I don’t know. You just gotta say something. Even if it was stupid (laughs).

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: So I told him, being a woman who, and as I say, a trait God has given us to nurture. Now this is a mothering. ‘Cause as I said, if you take these assets to the extreme, they become liabilities. But I nurtured him back to the place where it was okay to say, “I don’t know, let me get back to you.”

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: And so that was important that I recognized that it was the fear of being wrong, um, that was causing him to do that. Well, that’s where that intuition comes from. I not only asked him, but I said, “You know, why are you doing that?” And so he told me.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: That idea of nurture, that would be one of those 10 assets that we didn’t cover.

Deborah: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But I would think nurturing would be in there. I could easily see how we’re not, men are just not as good with nurturing.

Deborah: Well, and initially in my career, trying to lead like a man, I wasn’t nurturing either, so I wasn’t very kind to people who didn’t know the answer.

Jim: (laughs) right.

Deborah: It’s like, “Listen, you have to bring that answer to the table now.”

Jim: “That’s why we’re paying you.”

Deborah: “That’s why we’re paying you.”

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: That’s right. We don’t have time for your learning curve. You bring that to the table.

Jim: With Carl, how long of a process was that?

Deborah: A while because he would revert back to like, “What’s that? Uh, Carl, what’s the overhead rate gonna be? ‘Oh, about 150 or whatever.’”

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: I’m like, “Is that based on an analysis?” “Well, I could check.” (laughs).

Jim: I love blurting out numbers, 150.

Deborah: It’s like, “What?”

Jim: Sounds like a meeting we might have here at Focus occasionally.

John: No.

Jim: No, we’re pretty good. But no, it’s still true.

John: Yeah.

Jim: Everywhere you have those kinds of things.

John: There is a tendency.

Deborah: B- but that’s where the patients that women have, we tend, because, you know, we raise children or whatever, we tend to have a little bit more patience-

John: Hmm. Yeah.

Deborah: … with people’s growth pattern.

Jim: Yeah. In terms of that motivating ability, you described in the book where motivation and manipulation… Oh, manipulation.

Deborah: (laughs).

Jim: Since we’re talking about manipulation, that might be a skill set that women have over men (laughs).

Deborah: You better walk lightly with that (laughs).

Jim: Well, I’m just saying now everybody’s, can manipulate, but I think women, their brains are just moving so fast. Both your hemis- hemispheres are connected and you guys can like drill into something a lot further than we will.

Deborah: We can, and we have to be careful of that.

Jim: (laughs) right.

Deborah: And we call it motivating, but sometimes it can be, it’s the motive, it’s the why.

Jim: So where’s that line when it’s healthy and then goes into the yellow or the red zone and becomes manipulation?

Deborah: Well, when you’re motivating, you’re trying to get people to accomplish a goal. When you’re manipulating, you have some personal thing at stake. “I, I wanna make sure that I don’t come out looking bad. I wanna make sure you do what I wanna do.” We can be controlling, but then when people push back, that’s a good thing. If you have a boss that’s manipulating, you need to push back. And then if you are that person, you gotta be truthful and say, “What is my goal here? What is, what’s my real motive?”

Jim: Yeah, it’s good.

John: This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And our guest today is Deborah Pegues. And we’re talking about some of the concepts in her terrific book, Lead Like a Woman: Gain Confidence, Navigate Obstacles, Empower Others. Uh, we’ve got copies of the book here at the Ministry. And you’ll find the link at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Deborah, you mention a story in the book Lead Like a Woman, where you (laughs) kind of fell into a job. I don’t know how it came about. Maybe you could tell us, but it was Aerospace Budget Director-

John: Ooh.

Jim: … which you had no experience in (laughs).

Deborah: No.

Jim: I thought that was the funniest part of the story. Like, how do you find these jobs? You know? But in that context, that nurturing component came out. You kind of touched on that a little while ago. Uh, having the, the idea to keep people informed, but A, how’d you get the job? And then B, how did you excel at it?

Deborah: Well, I got the job because I had been vice president at Universal Studios and they killed my division (laughs).

Jim: Oh. Okay. There you go.

Deborah: It was a venture capital division. So I had no work, but I went to Aerospace ’cause they were looking for a minority. And back in the day, I think it’s been cut out now, but you had the affirmative action.

Jim: Uh-huh.

Deborah: And so, but I didn’t, they needed somebody with some experience and, and I had the labels. I just didn’t know the industry. I was a CPA, MBA and all that stuff, but I didn’t know the industry. So they hired me. Um, they gave me a mentor, but she didn’t like the idea. She resented it because they paid me more ’cause I had the master’s degree. She was terrible. (laughs).

Jim: Wow.

Deborah: Yeah. She was good.

Jim: This is a good one.

Deborah: Well, but, you know, this is where I learned and-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Deborah: … and that you don’t have to depend on your own experience or your own education.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Deborah: This is where I learned when things come up, that God can reveal information to you on the spot. He can empower you. And I’m, I am married to 2 Corinthians 3:5, Jim. It says, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves. Our sufficiency is from God.” So there were times I’d be stuck and I didn’t have an answer, and the Lord Himself would just like reveal what I needed to know.

John: Oh, that’s great.

Jim: No, that’s so good. How do you, how do you, and you’ve been in a variety of roles and successful, I know you’ve worked with Magic Johnson-

Deborah: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … on his theater development and other things.

Deborah: That’s right. Yep.

Jim: So, I mean, you’ve had an incredible career, uh, a variety within-

Deborah: Right.

Jim: … your career for that person that might be listening who, you know, they’re, they feel stuck in that job or they feel like they can’t get out of the problem. The supervisor who’s really not very effective, not very good. I could do a better job. And especially for the woman with all the dynamics of that, of the supervisor’s a male, for example, and that ceiling that some women feel they hit. How do you manage that with the Lord every morning before you go to work? And what are you saying? How are you praying? And w- what’s the right outcome?

Deborah: Well, the right outcome is to say, “Lord, I am depending on you. I need you to reveal to me today how to respond, how not to get an attitude, but also how to get over the fear of not moving outside of your comfort zone.” You gotta move outside of the comfort zone. I started a new career when I was 56.

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: I, I was 56, I was settling to my job, but my husband, God spoke to me through my husband and others. They said, “You need to be writing and speaking full time.” And I said, “No, I need to keep getting my six figure check so I can make sure I’m getting paid” (laughs).

Jim: It does feel pretty comfortable to get that check.

Deborah: Oh, absolutely. But you know what? I did it. I’m just, to make a long story short, I did it. I had written one book and six months out, seven months out, I had made more on the, the stepping outside of that comfort zone than I made on my job.

Jim: Yeah. Well that-

Deborah: Because you gotta put God to the test to do that. I know that sounds like way out there, but listen, you can’t be afraid to make that move, which means you gotta position yourself to do it. Pay off the bills as much as you can, get positions. And, and God is always looking for a partner.

Jim: Hmm.

Deborah: He is always looking for somebody who would just allow Him to show himself strong in them.

Jim: In that way, I, I mean, some of the bad fruit of that environment can be resentment, bitterness, like, God’s not listening to me.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, again, how do you attack that for that woman who feels like, uh, somebody’s boot is on her neck?

Deborah: Then you confront it. Now that’s a word that everybody’s scared of. But you say, listen, you go to the person who is problematic and you say, “I, how can I do better? How can I be more of an asset to you? What areas do I need to improve in?” You just ask.

Jim: Hmm. Yeah.

Deborah: You don’t be, you don’t wait till the evaluation where they just skirt over it. Because most of the time they don’t give women, uh, real objective evaluations because they think it’s gonna hurt our feelings and we’re gonna cry (laughs).

Jim: Well, and what’s so good about that? I, you know, I’ve supervised a lot of people. That’s refreshing actually.

Deborah: Yeah. To be asked. Right?

Jim: To be asked that question. Oh.

Deborah: It takes you off the hook.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: You know, you can say whatever it is you feel like that person could do. Don’t be afraid of being sued if you say it. And you can just say it in a way. Ask God to give you the words-

Jim: Right.

Deborah: … “Here’s what you need to do.” And because I’ve done that, “What can I do? I didn’t get that promotion that time. Tell me what I can do to be positioned next time.”

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: And always keep a good attitude.

Jim: That’s a good thing.

Deborah: Because the bottom line is that God knows what’s happening. All the days ordained for me, were already written in His book. So I’m not worried about somebody thwarting God’s purpose for my life. I wanna say that again-

Jim: Boy, that’s confidence.

Deborah: … ’cause most women don’t. Because that’s what confidence is about. It means with faith, that’s what confidence means, with faith. So Isaiah 14:27 says, “When the Lord has purposed, who can thwart Him?”

Jim: Hmm.

Deborah: I love saying that. That gives me a, an attitude, like, “Who? Name somebody” (laughs).

Jim: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, that’s good. You know, another component you mentioned in the book is we’re zipping through this.

John: We are. Yeah.

Jim: Great content. I so appreciate it. You, uh, mentioned leadership. One of the things that’s, or two of the things that are critical strength and confidence, but you hook that to resiliency.

John: Hmm.

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: So describe resiliency and how does that help you in your strength and in your confidence?

Deborah: Well, resiliency is just bouncing back. No matter how many times somebody’s rejected you or whatever, it’s just bouncing back. That takes the power of the Holy Spirit to bounce back ’cause sometimes you’ll feel so defeated you take personal responsibility for the defeat. It’s not always yours. But to the persistence that you talked about, that just means keeping at it no matter what. Keeping at it. And I can tell you, I’ve had that. I grew up in the South where I understood I had three strikes against me. I was a woman, I was black, and I was a dark skinned black (laughs). They said three strikes. “Like, no such thing as strikes against me.”

Jim: Right.

Deborah: “The Lord has purposed, who can thwart Him?”

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s good.

Jim: (laughs). Oh, that’s good. Go right back to it.

John: Mm-hmm.

Deborah: Yeah. You just so persistent, you just keep at it. You finish school, you do all of that. And then you put it aside and don’t depend on it. Don’t rest your faith on anything that you have done yourself.

John: Huh.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Rest it only on the fact that God has a plan for you.

Jim: You know, Deborah, it, it’s interesting when you look in the workplace today, because I think some of the shoes are on the other feet now. What I mean by that is women tend to be the ones, they’re the ones going on to college. They’re the ones getting more graduate degrees.

Deborah: Absolutely. Mm-hmm.

Jim: They’re the ones that are emerging with greater confidence. And it’s young men that seem to lack with resiliency. There’s so many articles being written right, right now about the, just the unhealthiness that young men are in, you know, high, high suicide rates, high depression, et cetera.

Deborah: Well, and that’s where the fathers and male leaders, uh, uh, coming in. Uh, there was a movie recently about, um, it came out called The Forge. I’m not sure if I can say that.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: But it’s about mentoring young men. I, I’d like to see men and families who are succeeding even, and we have to redefine what success is, but who are just succeeding as good fathers and good businessman or whatever, to take men like that under their wing and encourage them. Because a woman can’t really do that as effectively as a man can.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: So I would ask the man to step up to the plate.

Jim: Well, and again, it’s not this or that.

Deborah: No.

Jim: It can be both. And that’s probably the biblical solution.

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: When you look at examples in scripture, do you see the healthy, you know, uh, working together as husband and wife or male and female?

Deborah: Well, I think that when Priscilla and Aquila took the young man aside who had been preaching, and they taught him a better way, you know, they did it together. And, and it’s a great example when you can see a couple model it so that we don’t get this skewed view of men are supposed to do this and women are supposed to do that. That’s the model that I can think of.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Yeah. Taken… And that was a spiritual thing, but it was still leadership.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: They said, “Listen, he’s a great speaker.” But, you know, they took him aside and said, “Hey, there’s an even higher way to put forth your message.”

Jim: You mentioned a trio of truths when it comes to problems. What are those three truths and, uh, how does it teach us to handle adversity?

Deborah: Well, what I always say about adversity is don’t run from it because it has a purpose. It is, it’s good when you’ve been quote afflicted that you might learn God’s statue. So my trio of truths-

Jim: Yes.

Deborah: … IRS, that trouble is inevitable, it’s required and it’s seasonal. It’s not gonna last always, it’s required.

Jim: So when you say, so when you this to a person-

Deborah: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … what percentage goes, “Oh no, I can’t, I’m not doing that, I’m not running into adversity”?

Deborah: Well, I say don’t run from it.

Jim: Yes.

Deborah: Just don’t run from it and don’t be deterred by it. When, when there’s a problem, just say, “This is an opportunity to grow or to learn more about God or to, just to stretch myself.” Took, COVID-19 taught me a lot because nobody was calling people to speak. I had to learn how to use a teleprompter and all those things. And I live way out. And nobody was coming to rescue me in terms of in the middle of the night and I’m trying to get a video to somebody.

Jim: (laughs) right.

Deborah: And I said-

Jim: No, IT people.

Deborah: Yeah. And I said, “God, you gotta come help me ’cause nobody’s coming.”

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: And, you know, but so here’s the thing. You can depend on God for everything. So when I say adversity, don’t say, “Oh, woe is me. What am I going to do?” God has a solution to every problem. He’s the problem solver.

Jim: Yeah. And that’s so good. And that’s so true for the believers when you were, you know, managing people, uh, seriously, I’m just trying to get a handle on this. Like, what percentage of people didn’t do well with adversity and didn’t, they did run from it?

Deborah: Well, m- most people don’t like problems. You don’t have to like them. But here’s the thing, that’s because we limit God to our experience, our exposure, our education. So when we see a problem that we’ve never had to solve, we say, “Oh, woe is me.” We don’t come out of the sense realm and focus in the faith realm, say, what is the answer? We get stuck in that sense realm. And we know that we’re inadequate. We really are inadequate.

Jim: Yeah. That I- So true (laughs).

Deborah: So we run. We-

John: All of us think that. All of us think that.

Deborah: … all think that, all us think that. Yeah.

John: Yeah.

Jim: You know, one of the other things that you connect with resiliency is flexibility. I’m trying to think, and again, I’m pulling on my limited gender experiences, but I would think women are so good at being more flexible. Men, we could be pretty rigid on things, locked in.

John: Locked into the solution. Yeah.

Jim: We kind of, you know, it is true, uh, our brains are wired in such a way that we compartmentalize things. It makes us good at certain, uh, vocations because men can really concentrate for a long period of time.

Deborah: One, one gender to the other ’cause because men have been so inflexible, women have learned to be flexible. Think about it.

Jim: Okay.

Deborah: It’s the, it’s the corollary. (laughs).

Jim: Okay.

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: Okay. That’s fair.

Deborah: Right. So, but that’s a good thing to be, and, and again, everybody’s not, I, I am not, flexibility is not my strong suit. I have to pray to be flexible. When I set a plan, I want it to go, just like I said it, (laughs).

Jim: (laughs). Well, that sounded good.

John: Ah, that was pretty convincing.

Jim: So the oak and the reed example in the book though, it fits this flexibility issue. So what’s the oak and the reed story that’s out of the book?

Deborah: Oh, there’s a story though about the oak being rigid and, but the reed float and the wind, and when the storm came, the oak finally were toppled over. But the people who are flexible, they, the reed didn’t, it just, it was able to-

Jim: Sways.

Deborah: … flow with the wind. It sways.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: And we gotta learn how to do that. You know, there’s, my solution is not always the only solution. We have to be open to input and women tend to be a little bit more open to input from others. And so that’s a trait you wanna develop to-

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: … say, “Wait a minute…” When you are frustrated because your way isn’t going well or nobody’s accepting it, you gotta say, “Wait, let me open myself up and listen. Maybe my way isn’t the best way.”

Jim: Hey, uh, when we look here at the very end, we obviously, there are characteristics that Jesus had as a leader. He was leading 12 and in directly thousands, right. At the early church and talking to people constantly. Um, He demonstrated that concept of a servant’s heart. I mean, we have many books written about it. Business books-

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: … the servant leader. I think that comes directly from the example of Jesus. Of course, Jesus said a couple of times, if you want to lead, you must learn how to serve.

Deborah: That’s right.

Jim: And it’s a great example. But what else can we learn from what Jesus taught us about leadership?

Deborah: That Jesus revealed Himself when He asks His disciples, He said, “Who do people say I am?” Now what man do you, goes around saying, “How do people feel about me? What are they saying about me?” Jesus wanted to know, how am I being perceived out there? What are they saying?

Jim: Oh, He did say that a lot.

Deborah: Yeah. And, and I, I-

Jim: “What did they say of me?”

Deborah: Yeah. What did they say of me? You know, I’m thinking, if you’re a God who cares (laughs).

Jim: (laughs).

Deborah: But you know what, that is important to know how you are being perceived by others because their perception is their reality of you. And if it’s negative, you wanna fix that.

Jim: Well, what’s interesting, He was often asking that question to get that person’s perception-

Deborah: Right. Right.

Jim: … of what they were giving-

Deborah: Yeah, absolutely.

John: To make them think through, “Who is this guy?”

Jim:…think through, “Well, who do you say I am?”

Deborah: “Who do you say I am?” Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: Yeah. So it’s really interesting. Deborah right here at the end, um, talk to that woman who does want it all. I mean, I think one of the things I see in my own experience is women who want to be perfect. You know, they wanna be a tremendous Christian-

Deborah: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … believer as a woman, be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, and have a career that she’s perfect in. That’s really hard to do. How does she find the grace for herself when there’s so much guilt that gets involved with that?

Deborah: Well, you gotta acknowledge the fact that you want to be perfect. Perfect means complete in the scriptures. That’s what it really means. But when this idea of perfection is really an attempt to be blameless. There’s a difference between wanting to be excellent and wanting to be perfect. So that pursuit of perfectionism, that’s gonna drive you crazy, it’s gonna impact you physically, it’s gonna impact you, uh, relationally and every other way. So you need to abandon that concept. But how do you do that? How do you say, “I don’t have to be perfect, I just wanna be the best person I can be?” And talking about having it all, being the great mother and all of that, that’s a good thing. But I don’t want it. I want, I want it all. I want all that God has for me to do. And God, it is not God’s will for me to take on all the work, do all the housework, do everything myself, just so that I can have this image of being perfect. Because who are you trying to prove? What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to prove it to?

Jim: Yeah, that’s good.

Deborah: So that’s not good. And you need to just stop and recognize that society applauds that.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: So if I can come in and I can be a size five and I can be the corporate vice president and I have wonderful, well-behaved children like, applause-

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: … for me, you need to abandon that. You need to be a human being.

Jim: That’s a good word. Because, and it applies to women, but it also applies to men-

Deborah: Oh, yeah.

Jim: … you know, how much we’re given to the company versus our family, our marriage, et cetera.

Deborah: Absolutely. Where does it get you?

Jim: Yeah. Where does it get you?

Deborah: Where, where does it get you? You gotta ask yourself that all the time.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Always be evaluating your priorities. Is this an alignment with God’s will, His plan, His Word?

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Boy, that’s strong. Deborah, thanks so much for being with us. The half hour just flew by, so thank you so much. And this has been great.

Deborah: Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure.

Jim: I can’t wait till we get together next time (laughs).

Deborah: Yeah, me too (laughs).

Jim: It’s so much fun.

Deborah: Thank you so much.

Jim: And let me, uh, turn to the listener. Uh, Focus on the Family is here for you. We want to provide you with the tools and answers that you need as moms, dads, and leaders to raise up the next generation.

John: Yeah. We have so many resources to help you, like Deborah’s book, Lead Like a Woman: Gain Confidence, Navigate Obstacles, Empower Others. And of course you can order that, uh, directly from us here at the ministry.

Jim: And let me encourage you to become a regular part of the work that God is doing here at Focus on the Family. We’re looking for a thousand people to join our community of monthly sustainers. Uh, we like to call them friends of Focus on the Family. Seems apropos.

John: Indeed.

Jim: And these are folks who are passionate about helping others and care deeply about families. Are you one of them? Uh, your monthly gift provides trusted resources like this daily broadcast, podcast, our counseling team and print and online materials as well. Uh, through those resources, Focus on the Family aims to heal families in the name of Christ and strengthen our country. So if you aren’t already a friend of Focus on the Family, like Jean and I and John, you and Dena do it as well-

John: Hmm. We are as well.

Jim: … uh, sign up today and when you do, we’ll send you a copy of Deborah’s great book as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry. And if you can’t commit to a monthly amount, uh, we’ll send you the book for a one time gift as well.

John: Yeah. Either way, join the support team today and request your copy of Deborah’s book. We’ve got details at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, or call 1-800, the letter A and the word FAMILY. Again, that’s 800-232-6459. Now, coming up next time, we’ll help you understand the struggles of at risk children.

Tyrone Flowers: I grew up in a single parent home. My grandmother raised me with her 12 children. My father was murdered when I was 10. I’ve only seen him maybe five times prior to him dying. And my mother, even though she was around, she made it very clear she didn’t wanna be a mother. She was a teenager.

John: On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.