John Fuller: All right. I need you to think about your relationship with social media. Uh, how would you describe that?
Woman #1: It’s the first thing I look at in the morning and the last thing I look at before I go to bed.
Man #1: The images, the jokes. It gets me thinking about things that, um, I would rather not think about.
Woman #2: When I get my screen time report on my iPhone every Sunday, I cannot believe how much time I’ve spent on Facebook and Instagram.
Woman #3: Sometimes when I get stressed, I just start scrolling and scrolling so I don’t have to think anymore, but it never makes me feel better. (laughs)
Man #2: I’ll usually check social media when I go to bed at night, and every time I’m like, “Why did I go down that rabbit hole? Why (laughs) did I do that?”
John: Well, today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we’ll explore how you can put your phone down and limit other digital media so you can enjoy each day with God and your family. Does that sound challenging? Well, we’ve got some great help for you today. Thanks for joining us. I’m John Fuller.
Jim Daly: John I don’t even know how this is possible, but they say the average adult spends about 11 hours a day on some form of media. I mean, that seems crazy, but if you add up working on your computer, looking at your phone, watching TV, maybe it makes sense, but that just seems like a lot of time. 11 hours.
John: It’s a lot of time.
Jim: And while, uh, screen time in and of itself isn’t bad, u- uh, like anything when you over indulge in it, it, it can become a problem. And every hour we’re doing something on the screens that means we’re not spending time with the Lord. We’re not reading His Word. We’re not spending time with our spouse. We’re not spending time with our kids, and that’s probably where that guilt pain hits me the most, is missing time with my boys-
John: Mm.
Jim: … because I was too busy, you know, doing the emails and doing other things. But we have, uh, certainly done a lot of parenting broadcasts about helping your kids manage time on their phones, but today, what we wanna do is talk to Mom and Dad about them managing time well and v- setting a good example-
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … for their kids. And, uh, this might have a little bit of pain.
John: Well, it’ll be a good pain as we talk with Wendy Speake. Uh, she’s an author and speaker. She’s been with us before in the studio a number of times. And we’re gonna hear today about her book, 40-Day Social Media Fast: Exchange Your Online Distractions for Real-Life Devotion. We’ve got more information about Wendy and the book at our website, that’s focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Wendy, welcome back to Focus.
Wendy Speake: Thank you. I’m so happy to be here.
Jim: It’s good to have you here. Uh, the topic’s gonna be a little tender, but… (laughs)
Wendy: I know. I know. And it’s not lost on me the irony that some, you know, most people are watching this on (laughs) their phones or listening to it and downloading it-
Jim: Right. (laughs)
Wendy: … on their phones.
Jim: Hopefully. Smartphones, et cetera.
Wendy: Right.
Jim: But, I, I, I think we’re all aware of the fact that we probably spend too much time.
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: But then we rationalize it. “Well, I gotta get work done. I gotta see. I gotta stay in touch with what the culture’s doing.”
Wendy: Right.
Jim: I mean, that’s part of my job. I gotta know what’s going on in government, with faith, et cetera. I mean, you can already hear it, right? You’re hearing it.
Wendy: Oh, I hear it every day.
Jim: So why do you think so many people do spend so much time on screens and don’t recognize perhaps when it’s starting to get unhealthy?
Wendy: Right. Well, I think that just in our culture at large, and maybe now more than ever since there’s been so much distance learning and working from home, the way to be connected is online.
Jim: That’s true.
Wendy: However, we are so connected that I think we’re disconnected. We’re so connected online that we’re disconnected in our homes. We’re so connected with everybody, following everybody, that we’re not following the one who said, “Follow me.”
Jim: Wow. (laughs) That’s-
Wendy: I know it. Ouch, right?
Jim: That’s good. No, that’s good.
Wendy: I keep wanting to say, “#Ouch.” (laughs)
John: (laughs)
Jim: Yeah, I mean, that’s so good and, you know, you describe, um, social media as a spiritual battleground.
Wendy: Mm.
Jim: And I th- you know, obviously, with sexual exploitation, those kinds of thing-
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: … that’s kinda obvious. But in those non-obvious ways, how is it a battleground?
Wendy: Well, I think that everything is neutral ground, and God wants to claim that part of our lives for Himself.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Wendy: Right? He wants us. And the Devil’s like, “Yeah, that, that’s my ground. I wanna, I wanna own that.”
Jim: Mm.
Wendy: “That’s mine.” And so if we come to, whether it’s, um, you know, how we eat or, or w- what we look at online and we see it as a battlefield and we say, “Okay. Does that belong to the Lord? How, how am I doing time on my phone, time on my laptop? Does the Lord own it or does the Devil? Is it his playground?” (laughs)
Jim: Well, and that’s a, you know, that’s a good place to start. Y- it, it’s always assuming that any time on a smartphone or on any screen is not good, but that’s not what you’re saying.
Wendy: No. No.
Jim: So how does a person do an inventory of themselves-
John: Hmm.
Jim: … and their activities to know they’re either-
Wendy: Right.
Jim: … in the healthy zone or in the unhealthy zone?
Wendy: Yeah, I have people ask me all the time. “Come on, Wendy. Are you telling me that this is bad?”
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: And, uh, my response is, “Well, how about we turn to the Word and we find out what’s good?”
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Wendy: And Jesus said, “Why do you call me good? Don’t you know that only God is good?” Everything else beyond that is obviously less good. But I say, “L- in- instead of trying to argue about if this is good or bad, let’s just put our attention for a moment on God.” He says, “Hey. I’m good. What am I good at? I’m good at being God.” Nothing else is good at being God, right?
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And I’m reminded of, of, uh, let’s see. It’s in Isaiah where we’re told the story of the man who cuts down the tree and he uses part of it to make a meal, right-
John: Mm-hmm.
Wendy: … to warm his food over the fire and part of it to warm himself. Now, that, that was really, really good. The wood was good at being wood. But then he carved part of it to be his god. It was really, really bad at being his god. And I think of that-
Jim: Mm.
Wendy: … as our phones. It’s really good. It’s really good at being a phone. It’s really good at letting me stay connected with my husband throughout the day and, and we have a text exchange with my three sons and my husband and myself. It’s really good at keeping us joking and connected and knowing when the teenager’s gonna be home for dinner and, you know, it’s good. Now it’s bad to save me. It’s bad to say, “This is where my joy is found.”
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: It’s not the phone’s job. It’s not social media’s job, and it’s not even our online friends’ job to affirm us, like us, love us, invite us. That, that’s God’s job. So God’s really good at being God. The phone’s really bad at being God.
John: Mm.
Wendy: So let’s keep everything in its proper place, and a 40-day social media fast and, and I like to call it a phone fast or a screen fast. That can help us put it in its proper place. Is your phone on His throne, is basically what I’m saying. If it is, let’s take it off the throne.
Jim: I- is (laughs) your phone on His throne? That’s good.
Wendy: (laughs)
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: Then let’s take it off.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And let’s say, “God, I’m so sorry. You never really left, but let me spend some time connecting with you, and I’m gonna disconnect in order to do that.”
John: Mm.
Jim: Let me ask you in the context of being a self-described introvert, which you do.
Wendy: Yeah.
Jim: I, I find that hard to believe ’cause you’re such a communication person.
Wendy: I know.
Jim: Um, so you’ve obviously learned.
Wendy: But I have to go and crawl into a black hole after an hour with you-
Jim: Yeah, (laughs) right.
Wendy: … so that I can heal. (laughs)
John: (laughs) Not, not just Jim.
Jim: Ouch.
John: It’s just people generally.
Wendy: No, with anyone. With anyone, yeah.
Jim: Oh, okay. Oh, good. ‘Cause it comes naturally to me, the extroversion.
John: (laughs)
Wendy: Yeah. Yeah.
Jim: But, but in that context with your four boys, I mean, you have your husband. Okay, he’s a man.
Wendy: (laughs) Don’t call him a boy.
Jim: And then your three boys. W- I know.
Wendy: Ah.
Jim: But you got three men in your house.
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: And, uh, y- you know, as an introvert, I know with Jean, Jean’s b- bent more-
Wendy: Yeah.
Jim: … toward introversion.
Wendy: We hide.
Jim: Do you find using the phone a more useful tool, um-
Wendy: Mm-mm. It’s a form of escapism.
Jim: So you do?
Wendy: For sure.
Jim: But that’s what I mean. You, you go to the phone ’cause it’s easier-
Wendy: Yes. Yeah.
Jim: … as an introvert, maybe.
Wendy: Yeah, a- a- and you just disappear.
Jim: ‘Cause I’d much rather be talking to people.
Wendy: Yeah.
Jim: I’m engaging people. The phone, for me, doesn’t do much emotionally as an extrovert.
Wendy: Right. No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t feel good. It, um, it, but it is a, it’s a barrier when we need some space. I think a lot of moms, especially.
Jim: Right.
Wendy: And there are, there are funny memes-
Jim: It’s a safe space. Yeah.
Wendy: … you know, out there about moms in the bathrooms on their phones and in coming out of the pantry on their phones. (laughs)
John: Yeah, and didn’t you use Facebook early on as kind of an escape, uh, to kinda recharge and get away from the rambunctious boys?
Wendy: Sure.
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: And during, during nap time, especially.
John: Yeah.
Wendy: Like, you know? They, they-
Jim: Adult time.
Wendy: Yeah, it’s my time. And we would even say, and I think many of us do, “I just…” and especially for those moms at home, “I just wanna connect with other people.”
John: Mm.
Wendy: But as I said at the very beginning, I think that as we connect and then we connect and then we connect for hours on end, we end up disconnected from the God and one another.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: In our real lives, not our online lives. We’re so distracted that we’re not devoted to what matters most and who matters most.
John: Mm.
Jim: Mm. Wendy, the, the next issue with social media is being kinda distracted, right?
Wendy: Right.
Jim: Especially from God’s blessings every day, and you mentioned that in the book. Uh, you had an experience, and this one, for me, this is interesting. It was about butterflies.
Wendy: Oh, yeah. I love this story.
Jim: And you were in the middle of a fast, right?
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: What happened with the butterflies?
Wendy: It was my very first time doing a social media fast and so I was intentionally leaving my phone at the charging station in my room.
Jim: Right.
Wendy: I was home. I was homeschooling. I was doing life with my boys, and, um, and it was a beautiful, sunny spring day and they were swimming, and I was right inside the sliding glass door writing out a grocery list or something. And they start going crazy outside. “Mom, Mom. Come here. You gotta see this.” And there was this migration of butterflies unlike anything I had ever seen. Hundreds of thousands. I mean, it, they were everywhere.
Jim: Yeah, it is. Yeah.
Wendy: Swirling, swarming, and just all over the place. And I looked out the window and I thought, “I gotta grab my phone.” I mean, I gotta start a Facebook Live, right? And I start going down the hall and I thought, “What am I doing?” First of all, I’m fasting. Second of all, I don’t wanna miss out. I don’t wanna be so distracted grabbing the phone that I’m missing the moment. And so I went out there and the kids are climbing out of the pool and they’re grabbing their cold arms around my waist and we’re counting out loud and, and my oldest son, he yelled, “Good job, God.” And I looked at him because when he was really little we, we learned what it means to praise God is to tell God what a good job He does. So we would see a sunset and we would yell, “Good job, God.” And so we were having this moment, eyes on each other. If I had my phone there and I was taking pictures of them and doing a Facebook Live, would I have missed the miracle? The miracle of the creator. The miracle of the creation. But the miracle of my children praising God in the midst of that moment.
John: Mm.
Wendy: I mean, how amazing is that?
Jim: Okay, now I’m feeling bad ’cause I was thinking I would’ve got the camera and taken a picture of that. (laughs)
Wendy: (laughs) Well, I’m covered in goosebumps just thinking about it, and so often we’ll see this gorgeous sunset and we’ll take a picture and then we bow our heads, but not in prayer. We bow our heads over our phones and we start this long string of hashtags on Instagram. #theheavensdeclarethisgloryofGod. #Creator. #Godissogood. #isntitbeautiful. And we missed it moving from purple to pink to magenta to peach to black. We miss it. We miss much when we share much, and so let’s set it down and let’s live-
Jim: Ha, that’s good.
Wendy: … the blessing with a creator with our people.
John: Mm.
Wendy: Oh, I just get so worked up.
Jim: Yeah, and I so appreciate that.
John: And we’re talking with Wendy Speake on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Uh, the topic is a book that Wendy wrote called 40-Day Social Media Fast: Exchange Your Online Distractions for Real-Life Devotion. It’s an excellent resource and we recommend you call us to get a copy. 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Or you can find out more at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: E- Wendy, I love your idea of making grocery stores, uh, your, kinda your mission field.
Wendy: Mm.
Jim: I hadn’t thought about that. And e- you know, for guys if we’re not going in there much. I mean, whatever it might be, the Home Depot or the hardware store, yeah.
Wendy: The hardware store, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Jim: But when you’re out and about, the, the rule of thumb-
Wendy: Right.
Jim: … is just be aware of how God might want to use you in a relationship.
Wendy: Right.
Jim: I love that. Describe how you do that, though, and especially, again, as an introvert, but speak to all people.
Wendy: Sure.
Jim: But that’s gotta be a little difficult to-
Wendy: Well, and the reason why this is even part of the social media fast is the whole point is we’re looking up. We wanna see where God’s at work. Um, I have had so many interactions with people at the grocery store when I keep my phone in my purse.
Jim: Give us an example.
Wendy: Um, let’s see. Oh, my favorite is the time I w- I went and I was having a very hard day, as a mom specifically, and I had been crying in my car. And, um, I went up to the meat counter to get salmon and I, and I remember thinking, “Oh, my kids aren’t even gonna eat it. They’re just gonna complain, but I have to keep feeding them these things and they’re gonna try new things.” And, anyway, it sounds like a rabbit hole but it’s backstory to the story.
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: Anyway, the guy behind the counter obviously didn’t look at me ’cause he could see my puffy face was, you know, from tears, right? But he looked up sort of halfway and said, “So how’s your day going?”
Jim: Oh, he did say that?
Wendy: And I said, “Well, not so good, Paul.” He had a, “Hello, my name is Paul,” tag.
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: And, um, I said, “But it’s just another chance to trust God more.” And he started crying and it wasn’t like little cries. It was like projectile tears coming out of his eyes.
John: Wow.
Jim: Wow.
Wendy: And he said, “That is just what I needed to hear. Do you think that our hard days are so that we learn to trust God more?” And I was fully available and I said yes and we talked about it and we prayed about it. There was another time that a woman was obviously… Oh, it was at the same counter. It was at the same counter. It was w- a-
Jim: This is a miraculous meat counter.
John: Same day?
Wendy: This is, uh, yeah, Sprouts in San Diego.
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: Um, (laughs) this is where you interact, yes. And, um, she was ordering a side, uh, just an individual slices of turkey, b- uh, cooked c- turkey and a side of, uh, an individual serving of cranberry sauce and it was on December 23rd. And I said to her, “Do you have plans for Christmas?” And she said, “No, I don’t.” I mean it was obvious. She was ordering a Christmas Eve or a Christmas dinner for one. And I said, “Well, would you join my family and me? Tomorrow we’re gonna go to church right down the street there and then we’re gonna go back to the house and have a nice supper. We’d love to have you join us.” And-
John: Now, this is somebody that was a complete stranger?
Wendy: Just complete stranger. I call them grocery stories. (laughs)
John: (laughs)
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: And, but I was available-
John: Yeah.
Wendy: … because I was not unavailable.
John: Mm.
Wendy: And when your screen is a barrier between you and another, then it’s a barrier between you and the gospel. Another time I was leaving the grocery store. I packed up my things. I went around to the side of my car to get in my car and there was a woman in the car next to me bent over her steering wheel and her shoulders were shaking. She was obviously crying. An older woman. And I tapped on the window and I asked her, “Can I pray for you?” And she let me in her car and she shared that her husband had passed away a year before and shopping at the grocery store is still a trigger for her, shopping for one person.
John: Mm.
Jim: Mm.
Wendy: It’s just so depressing. It makes me wanna cry telling the story.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: But I was available.
John: Yeah.
Wendy: I hear stories all the time from moms saying that when they do this social media fast, their children have their attention.
John: Mm.
Wendy: But it’s for all of us as we move beyond the home that those out in the world, they have our attention when we’re not distracted. So we’re devoted to the Lord, yes. But we’re devoted to the Lord’s people. Let’s live like that.
Jim: D- that is really good. I love that idea of getting your eyes off your device so you can see what the Lord’s placing right in your path.
Wendy: Yes. Well, devices are divisive.
Jim: Yeah. Right.
John: Mm.
Wendy: Right?
Jim: Yeah. (laughs)
Wendy: We say they’re our vice, but they’re divisive. They separate us from those who matter most.
Jim: Yeah, that is so good. And in that regard, those that matter most, the most intimate relationships we have, spouse, our children-
Wendy: Right.
Jim: … the devices can really wr- wreak havoc in our marriages, right?
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: And in, in our parenting.
Wendy: Our parenting, yes.
Jim: Um, and in… Let me put it in this context with, uh, with your spouse. Um, Facebook and Instagram can be very specifically dangerous to our marriages and here at Focus, I mean, we hear from so many people where their spouse has gotten into an affair and it’s with their old high school sweetheart-
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: … old college sweetheart, and they connected through Facebook-
Wendy: On Facebook. Yeah.
Jim: … or some other social media platform. Speak to that, that issue of those old relationships being rekindled-
Wendy: Yeah, we might-
Jim: … when they were, they’re not healthy.
Wendy: Yeah, they aren’t. They rarely are so just assume they’re not gonna be good for you. I think it’s a nice, safe way to (laughs) start this conversation. Just assume it’s not good for you. Um, for those who are married, when, when my husband and I got married, he suggested that we reach out to anyone we had been in an, an im- intimate relationship with, you know, a heart relationship, a dating relationship with, and just let them know we’re gonna get, be getting mar- I’m gonna be getting married. I’m gonna be unavailable for even friendship. Sorry if that seems rude, but it’s just, just a way to protect my relationship with my wife. And, um, he had only dated one person seriously. I had dated a few more, so.
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: My call list was a little bit longer.
Jim: So you’re li-
John: (laughs)
Wendy: But, and it was awkward.
Jim: Good for you.
Wendy: It was awkward.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: But it was an active, protective measure.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And I have in the last decade received, I think, two friend requests from two of those guys. And I denied them.
Jim: Mm.
Wendy: I, I blocked them beyond just denying them and I didn’t respond and say, “Hey, remember when I made that call 19 years a-… No.” I’m not gonna circle back and even… But it’s just a protective measure. I don’t need to see how happy their lives are. I don’t need to see how-
John: Mm.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: … tan their faces are as they go for a run along the beach. I don’t need anything. I don’t wanna see that they’re reading really great books. Gee, I wish my husband’s reading great books. I bet he would talk to me about these great… You know, you see where you can go in your imagination?
John: Yeah.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: So I just don’t do it.
Jim: Well, I was gonna say the person who’s hearing this and going, “Oh, my goodness. That’s ridiculous. That’s so pr-”
Wendy: “You’re such a prude.” (laughs)
Jim: Such a prude was the word that I thought of. But it, it is good offensive-
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: … just to make sure that you don’t place yourself in a, a, a, a situation where you could succumb to something.
Wendy: Right.
Jim: That’s the point.
Wendy: I’d rather be a prude than a harlot. I mean, it’s really-
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: And I… (laughs)
Jim: That’s so true. I mean, that’s right in front of you, right?
Wendy: Yeah. And I know my wayward tendencies and I don’t mean in marriage. I mean in life.
John: Mm.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: I could get distracted. I could have someone send me messages and tell me how wonderful I am and my husband hasn’t told me recently how wonderful or pretty I am, and I could be wooed. I’m gonna, I’m going to make sure that I don’t let myself go looking for that.
Jim: Right. ‘Cause then you’re trying to fill something.
Wendy: That’s not-
Jim: A need.
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: And, uh, that’s a destructive decision.
Wendy: It is.
Jim: And we hear those stories all the time. Uh, you know, Wendy, many people turn to social media to get approval from others.
Wendy: Mm.
Jim: I mean, I think we hear that. Um, we probably did that i- i- in human relationships before we had social media, e- right?
Wendy: Sure.
Jim: You turn to your friend group.
Wendy: Right.
Jim: But now you’re out there. Now you’re taking pictures of things-
Wendy: Constantly.
Jim: … whether it’s things you’re creating or your dress or, you know, your physique if a guy’s doing it, and you hear about that all the time.
Wendy: And we, we become-
John: I have that problem.
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: (laughs)
John: No, I don’t. (laughs)
Jim: John’s posting his physique all over. You gotta stop that, John.
Wendy: Yeah. Yeah, the shirtless pictures. (laughs)
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: Put that shirt on.
Jim: But, but you get what I’m talking about, and I think you specifically… The, I really wanted to capture this story ’cause when you were a teenager, uh, with your dad.
Wendy: Mm.
Jim: Um, this one really got me. I, as I was reading the book and looking at the prep early, early today, I was just feeling… My heart went out to you. Describe what happened-
Wendy: Yeah.
Jim: … and let everybody else’s heart go out to you.
Wendy: This really is a big-
Jim: It’s big.
Wendy: … story in my faith life, more than even social media. Um, I was out hiking with my dad and, um, uh, at a familiar place that we’d gone all the years of growing up, and he had married, gotten remarried. My parents were divorced.
Jim: And you were a teenager at this time.
Wendy: And I was a teenager at this time and I had, um, since I was about nine just struggled to connect with my dad or feel that he was connected with me.
Jim: I could see why.
Wendy: To feel approved and delighted in.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: Let’s just camp out there.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: I didn’t feel his delight. And, um, and he had a, a camera. A real camera with real film around his neck. (laughs)
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: And he was taking lots of pictures of his wife and no pictures of me. And in that moment of extreme hurt, the Holy Spirit really flooded into my heart at that age and-
Jim: Mm.
Wendy: … God communicated so clearly to me, “I see you. I’m delighting in you, and when you get to your home in glory, I’m gonna have it decorated with all the pictures I took (laughs) of you over the years-”
John: Mm.
Wendy: “… when I was so present and so delighting in you,” and when we find ourselves filled up to the brim with having been the object of His delight and love, our Heavenly Father, not our earthly father, the mad, passionate pursuit of being loved, chosen, invited, and having people approve of our pictures, it just starts to slip away-
Jim: Mm.
Wendy: … because we have been delighted in.
John: Mm.
Wendy: And one of the words you used was approved. You know, you are, Jim, completely 100% approved-
Jim: Mm.
Wendy: … because of what Christ did on the cross for you. Nothing else can undo God’s approval of you. He approved you because of His son.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Wendy: And yet we turn to the approval. We desire it. And I think that it would be remiss of us not to mention that social media has been very intelligently engineered to meet our needs, our, our chemical needs, our brain needs for approval.
Jim: Oh, yeah. Dopamine, all those things.
Wendy: And so… Yes, the dopamine releases and so we might not want to theologically turn to the world for our approval, but chemically we have learned to be.
John: Mm.
Wendy: And so I think it’s good for us to remind one another through Christ you’re approved 100%.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And it doesn’t matter what you see online.
Jim: W- and Wendy, I can hear that t- tenderness in your voice as you were describing that. I mean, that so grabbed me as a teen girl and you’re with your dad and his wife, your stepmom.
Wendy: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And he’s taking pictures of her and not taking pictures of all of you. Uh, you know, the, the, the pain that that must’ve… And it was wonderful that the Lord gave you that sense and what a great faith statement that-
Wendy: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … “I’m your father. I’ll take care of you.”
Wendy: Right.
Jim: You had something else happen to you when you were nine that you describe in the book. It’s another abandonment-
Wendy: Right.
Jim: … in my opinion, but, uh, describe what happened to you at nine.
Wendy: It, it was s- it was similar. I mean, these were my two stories with my dad. W- he, my dad is a very punctual person, so please, it… And I have a very, very healthy, good relationship with him today. We have grown a lot.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And God has done just redemptive work, as He does in relationships. Um, but my dad was late to get me, or maybe I was on the curb early, and in my imagination doesn’t the Devil love to just get into there and tell us that we’re not safe-
John: Mm.
Wendy: … and we’re not loved? I felt in that moment that I wasn’t safe and I wasn’t loved, and again, the Holy Spirit just made it so, so clear that I am always, always with my father.
Jim: Well, e- you know, th- what that illustrates for all of us, because I, I’m sure many people have a moment, however it occurred, through-
Wendy: Right.
Jim: … a father, through a mother, through an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent.
Wendy: Right.
Jim: I mean, when you’re a child there’s something that can take place where you don’t understand the circumstances. All you know is that you’re wounded-
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: … ’cause they said something to you or didn’t say something to you-
Wendy: Right.
Jim: … that you thought they should have said. And i- it, it’s wonderful that the Lord gave you a heart to hear His voice, His-
Wendy: How kind of Him.
Jim: … that small voice in your own little nine-year-old heart and then your teenage heart, to hear that, “Hey, I’ve got you.”
John: Mm.
Jim: That, that’s amazing. And if you didn’t have that experience, you wouldn’t have heard Him assuring you.
Wendy: Well, I also wasn’t… Just to circle back, I was not distracted by my phone. Kids today waiting for Dad probably wouldn’t notice he was late-
Jim: Right. (laughs) Yeah.
Wendy: … because they’re scrolling through their reels on Instagram.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: Even the nine-year-olds. So He had my full attention.
Jim: Well, and I, e- again, I just think that’s such a beautiful w- place to land, you know, that-
Wendy: Mm.
Jim: … uh, God’s with you. Do your best to try to fast-
Wendy: Mm.
Jim: … from social media. Make sure it’s not king of your life ’cause there’s someone else who wants-
Wendy: Right.
Jim: … to be Lord and King of your life, right?
Wendy: Right. But we do struggle to hear His voice.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And why is that? I think it’s because not only the, the beeping and the buzzing and the pinging and the ringing and the-
Jim: (laughs)
Wendy: … you know, all of it o- on our phones with our notifications, but we’re always streaming podcasts, and this is a good one, (laughs) but we’re always reading, uh, we’re reading something where we’re scrolling and we’re scrolling-
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Wendy: … and we’re scrolling and I, I think we scroll so much we stop strolling.
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And I think the Lord says, “I wanna walk with you and talk with you-”
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: “… and tell you you’re my own.”
Jim: Yeah.
Wendy: And so are we too distracted with all the voices that we can’t hear His voice anymore?
Jim: Well, right, and that is a very good question and if you’re in that spot, if that’s you, uh, man, get a copy of the 40-Day Social Media Fast that Wendy has written. It’s a great manual to begin to reprioritize where you’re at and to help you in your (laughs) relationship with your spouse, with your kids, maybe so you can model better for your own children who might be driving you crazy-
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … uh, as to what you should do with your own habits so they can see something healthy and better.
Wendy: Yes.
Jim: And, uh, get started. Get the book. Uh, contact us here at Focus on the Family. For a gift of any amount we’ll send it as our way of saying thank you for being a part of the ministry. And, uh, if you can’t afford it, get in touch with us. We’ll trust that others will cover the cost of that, but the point is, uh, make your relationship with Christ the healthiest it can be and the rest will fall into place. That’s what we believe. And, Wendy, so good to have you back with us. Thank you.
Wendy: Thank you. I always love my conversations with you and the listeners, so thank you.
Jim: Well, it’s so fun.
John: Mm.
Jim: Thank you for being here.
John: And we do hope you’ll follow up by getting a copy of Wendy’s book. Again the title, 40-Day Social Media Fast, and you can get that when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Or you can donate and get the details at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Now coming up tomorrow you’ll hear from pastor Brady Boyd as he describes how we can live out our faith in today’s fractured culture.
Brady Boyd: We need to bring the light into those dark places. We need to bring conversations into those dark places. We need to bring Jesus into those con-… L- listen, my opinion is not going to heal the land, but Jesus can heal the land.
