Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

John Fuller: Imagine being happily married for a number of years and experiencing all the joys and challenges of a busy family, and then you suddenly learn that your marriage is over. That’s the dramatic story we’re going to hear on Focus on the Family. Your host is Focus president and author, Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: Uh, John, one of our foundational principles here at Focus is about the permanence of marriage and we believe marriage is a sacred covenant designed by God that not only benefits a husband and wife, but also benefits society as a whole. Certainly the data supports that. The Bible is very clear in Matthew 19 where is says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. What God has joined together, let no man separate,” and we believe that, and we know that God loves marriage. It’s his institution. That’s why we work so hard to rescue and support hurting couples through programs like this one, our counseling team, and all the resources we provide for families. But we also live in a world that’s broken by sin, where some marriages self-destruct because one or both spouses walk away from their commitment and aren’t willing to save the relationship. It is a tragedy when it happens because the damage often extends to their children, their friends, and other relatives.

John: And if you’ve experienced that, we grieve for you and, uh, we’re here for you as well. Focus on the Family has a terrific counseling team, as Jim mentioned, and other tools designed to provide healing and Godly encouragement for you in the coming days. Uh, we’re a phone call away. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. (800) 232-6459 or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: And, John, today we’re going to hear, uh, one woman’s story of going through a separation and divorce that she never wanted, and as a result, she became a single mom to five children. Sounds a lot like what my mom went through. But what’s remarkable about Susan Birdseye is the powerful presence of God’s grace and joy in her life, uh, despite the horrible circumstances that she experienced. It’s astounding how God has worked through her and her family, and I can’t wait for everyone to hear her story.

John: And we’ll mention that this interview was recorded a number of years ago, and here’s how you began the conversation, Jim, with Susan Birdseye on today’s episode of Focus on the Family.

Jim: Susan, you have written a book and-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … it’s called When Happily Ever After Shatters. Uh, that’s a powerful title. Um, you’re also, as I said, a blogger. Let me read to you a journal entry that you made and, uh, that will start the conversation. You wrote, “What are all the emotions I feel in the midst of this disaster? Disbelief seems to be the predominant one. The others are anger-based mostly because of the effects of this situation on my children. Frustration at not being to fix things, some fear mixed with anxiety, and an ample amount of worry.” Uh, what were the circumstances that you were writing about at that time?

Susan Birdseye: Um, I’d been married about 17 years, uh, and, uh, my husband had gone out, uh, a Saturday morning. We had a house full of children, some friends. Uh, my kids had all their friends over. And he had gone out to go to a dry cleaner which literally was at the top of our street, and he was gone two and a half hours. So, when he got back, I asked, “Where have you been? You’ve been gone a really long time.” And it, uh, he said, “I think I’m gonna leave”

Jim: Just like that?

Susan: That was it.

Jim: I mean, just out of the blue?

Susan: Completely out of the blue.

Jim: Hmm.

Susan: And, um, I was just floored by it and, um, disbelief was the predominant thing, absolutely.

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: Couldn’t believe it and I had n- no inkling that we had any issues.

Jim: Right.

Susan: Very… I mean, we had a chaotic, joyful household.

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: Five kids will do that do you. And, um, so it definitely was completely out of the blue for me i- in that regard, not really knowing that we had some problems. But I can look back and see, uh, flirtatious circumstances.

Jim: Hmm.

Susan: Um, and I did address that with him several times. You know, just like, “Could you not be so flirtatious with other women when I’m around?” And, you know, probably should have, “Ever.” (laughs)

Jim: Right. Right, right.

Susan: Knowing what was going on at the time.

Jim: Sure. Hmm.

Susan: But you definitely can look back over all the years and see things. I read some journal entries from when we were first married, um, where I had some, you know, um, gut feelings that were uncomfortable. But I think, you know, I, I chose not to go down that road and I’m thankful. I’m very thankful that I was, uh, you know, blissfully unaware, uh, because I was happily married and-

Jim: Hmm.

Susan: … and I don’t regret the marriage at all.

Jim: Hmm.

Susan: Um, you know, I, I did love my husband very much and…

Jim: When you, when you, and that, you know, that is the way it should be.

Susan: Mm.

Jim: The, uh… And I, I just wanna say we know divorce occurs.

Susan: Right.

Jim: And there are many people listening that perhaps have gone through it. Uh, they may be separated right now not knowing what to do. We recognize your circumstances if that’s where you’re at.

Susan: Hmm.

Jim: Take us back, uh, then to those days. So, he’s come out with this. He was gone a long time.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Comes back from picking up dry cleaning almost three hours later.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And says to you, “I, I wanna end this,” in essence.

Susan: Right.

Jim: What happened over the next few days?

Susan: Uh, well, I asked if there was somebody else and he said, “No.” You know, he said, “I just… I’m just not happy.” And so I really put it into high gear of just trying to be the perfect wife, you know. (laughs)

Jim: So, you thought you could compensate-

Susan: I thought-

Jim: Yeah. Mm.

Susan: … I could do whatever it takes. I’m gonna make, I’m gonna convince him to stay.

Jim: That would be a natural reaction.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You’re trying to fix it.

Susan: Mm-hmm. And, um, so I, I did everything I could think of. I was probably a little too thick in it, you know. (laughs)

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: Trying to love on him and, um… But over the next three days, uh, I could feel him pulling back more and more as he…

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: He… For a lack of a better phrase, he seemed guiltier and guiltier.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: And, um, so after about three or four days, I said, “You need to be honest with me and tell me what’s really going on.” And he said, “Well, I’m interested in somebody else.” And I said, “Well, is it, um, is it serious?” And he said, “No, it’s just an acquaintance.” I said, “Well, could you not see her anymore and focus on, you know, getting our marriage back? Could we do whatever needs to be done?” And, um, he was not willing to do that.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: And, um, the next day, I addressed it again and I said, “Could you tell me a little bit more?” And, um, we sort of did it in a… It seemed like in increments. He shared that it was somebody he knew, and they were good friends, and they were doing things together, and, um, but it was not romantic. And then the next day at my daughter’s field hockey game while we were standing on the sidelines, he shared the details of it, that it was a physical relationship. And that was probably, of all the times, the most devastating for me.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: Uh, because it, it was a rather nebulous thing up to that point.

Jim: Right.

Susan: You know, kind of he just wasn’t happy-

Jim: Right.

Susan: … and that maybe I could do something to make him happy, and, you know, that he was interested, but maybe I could get his attention back to me.

Jim: Uh, let me mention your relationship with the Lord at this point. We have a lot of different people listening-

Susan: Yeah.

Jim: … Some Christian and committed to the Lord, some not Christian.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, what was your and your husband’s spiritual journey at this point? Where are you at? You’re going to church?

Susan: Yeah.

Jim: You’re not going to church?

Susan: My husband was actually an elder in our church and a Sunday school teacher, care group leader, administrator of the Sunday school program.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: Leader in our community, and, um, so very involved. I was in the women’s ministry, Bible study leader, worship team leader.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: And, um, so, yeah, we were definitely all enmeshed in that, um, life. And I, I would say at that time, God was so gracious to me because I was in a really good place with Him.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: Um, it’s like He had girded me up before that happened. Um-

Jim: Looking back on that, because again, I’m sure there’s some women listening right now that m- may not have that relationship-

Susan: Mm.

Jim: … and have heard the words from their husband, “I’m leaving you.”

Susan: Yeah.

Jim: W- what would you suggest to them if they’re not as close to the Lord?

Susan: Mm-hmm. Well, for me, it was imperative. I don’t think I could have survived the way I did. Um, I think He gave me so much grace to deal with it. And it sounds a little bit trite to say this, but it’s so true, is just laying it all out before the Lord. I mean, be very honest with Him. Uh, that, that first year after my husband left, my relationship with the Lord was so strong, um, and, uh, He absolutely was the source of all my strength.

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: I had nothing.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: Physically, mentally, emotionally, I was just a mess. The second year, my prayer life consisted pretty much of me just going, “Seriously?”

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: That really was it. I, you know, not really angry, but-

Jim: Mm. So, kind of doubt, but little bit of-

Susan: … kind of like, “God, really? This is your plan for my life?”

Jim: Oh.

Susan: And what I would say to women who are not in, in walking with the Lord at this point or, or not really solid in that walk, is that you can be totally honest with Him-

Jim: Mm.

Susan: … and just say, “I have no idea why You would allow this to happen in my life.” You know, “What… How could this possibly be Your plan?” Especially for your kids… Sometimes you can somehow, or another wrap your brain around it for yourself-

Jim: Mm.

Susan: … and kind of have a vision.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: “Okay. God’s gonna take this and make into the woman I’m… He wants me to be. I’ll be stronger and, you know, I’ll know Him better.” But for your children, just watching them walk through that, you… That’s where it’s very difficult to kind of-

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … trust-

Jim: Oh, yeah.

Susan: … that God has a good plan.

Jim: I wanna talk about the impact, uh, with the kids, but before I do, y-… What you’re suggesting there is a root of bitterness, it sounds like, and you’ve got to be careful that that root does not take hold of your heart.

Susan: Absolutely.

Jim: How did you manage, uh, nipping that before it could grab you?

Susan: I’d say there were a couple of things. I was very heavily in the Word, um, just because I knew there really wasn’t any other answer for me. And I think, you know, you can go to television and books and… to kind of distract you from what’s going on, but I really wanted hope. I really wanted to be better on the other side of it.

Jim: Ho- hope in what though?

Susan: Hope that God had a good plan in all of this.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: That He was gonna turn this into something beautiful.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Susan: That He was… turn my mourning into joy. You know, my weeping into laughter-

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … and I’d be dancing at some point, you know. (laughs)

Jim: That was the hope in your heart.

Susan: For joy comes in the mourning. Yeah.

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: I was hopeful that God was gonna do something through this. And I will admit at the beginning, my hope was that He was gonna bring my husband back.

Jim: Sure, natural.

Susan: Even, even after he had left, you know, my good… what I thought God would do, was that I had it all worked out. I had a great plan. (laughs) But-

Jim: But that, but that’s the right hope to have.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I mean, it says in the Word and describes God hates divorce.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, He makes provision for it with infidelity and-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and yet He, I think, prefers that people be committed for their entire life together-

Susan: Absolutely.

Jim: … because that’s how He designed us.

Susan: Mm-hmm. Very much, yeah.

Jim: And, uh, so that’s the right hope to have. It’s not false hope-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … although it may work out. Uh, let’s turn to the kids. You’re a, a loving mother. Um, you’re going through this. I can’t imagine… and we realize that gender is, in this day and age, it’s not about the gender.

Susan: Yeah.

Jim: Uh, it happens to men too where their wives are having affairs.

Susan: Absolu-… Yes, it does. Yeah.

Jim: And yet the, the spouse that is in the position where, um, their spouses cheated on them-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … um, you’ve got a lot of emotion going on. You have five kids in the home at that time.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, when did they become aware of it? How did they become aware of it and what impact did that have on them?

Susan: When… Uh, it first began when my husband first shared that he wanted to leave. Uh, I did not… The children did not know anything. Um, I’m sure they had inklings because there were… You know, we had a lot of hushed conversations, and I was very emotional. Uh, I did not want them to know because I… My hope was that we would be reconciled, and I didn’t want my children to know what their father had done if I could avoid that. I-

Jim: If, if you went through it again, would you handle it the same way?

Susan: Yes.

Jim: Okay. Good.

Susan: Absolutely. Um, we… It was sort of taken out of our hands in some regards because my husband was a public figure. Uh, so when he did finally decide to leave, it did become public knowledge and a lot of people knew, and I knew my kids were gonna know.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Susan: I told him he had to tell our children the next day.

Jim: Well, that was good to put it on him.

Susan: Mm-hmm. And so that’s how they found out, their father told them in a very unemotional, stoic sort of way. He did not show any emotion, he did not touch them, and, uh-

Jim: Didn’t hug them?

Susan: Mm-mm (negative).

Jim: Oh, those poor little boys and girls.

Susan: He… We’re sitting on the sofas in our, uh, family room and my oldest at the time was 14. My youngest was not quite two.

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: And, um, so the little girls, they were, you know, one and two, they didn’t have any idea what was going on real-… I mean, I’m sure on some level they did. Um, my 14-year-old, my daughter was 11, and my son was eight.

Jim: Uh-huh.

Susan: And, um, he said it and my oldest son is a quintessential firstborn. He’s just a wonderful young man, and, uh-

Jim: Yeah. Very responsible. (laughs)

Susan: Very responsible, respectful, just all-around great guy. Um, he put his head in the crook of his elbow and just put his head down and didn’t say anything. My daughter and my son, the 11 and 8-year-old, just completely fell apart, bursting into tears-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Susan: … and weeping and wailing. And they were, you know, “Please don’t leave, Daddy,” and my… I think my little boy said something about us being poor and living on the street or some-

Jim: Uh-huh.

Susan: You know, just instantly went-

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … an interesting place for a, an eight-year-old.

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: Um, so I just kind of gathered them all in my arms and he went up to pack and get some more clothes to leave.

Jim: So, in essence, he left you with the rubble of their emotions.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Oh.

Susan: They did kind of follow him around. My eight-year-old followed him around with his Bible, my husband’s Bible.

Jim: Oh.

Susan: And my daughter wrote him a letter asking him to stay, and my oldest son stayed in his room. He didn’t come out.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: And that night we left to go to my parents’ house. My oldest stepped kind of into that man of the house mode, went and made sure all the doors were locked.

Jim: Oh.

Susan: And that’s been a struggle, to make sure he doesn’t become an adult too early-

Jim: Mm. Right.

Susan: … ’cause he’s such a responsible firstborn, so it was a natural tendency for him to do that.

Jim: Oh, no.

Susan: So, um, I don’t know… I think you have to decide in your family how much you want your children to know of the circumstances of your divorce. I know some families where the, uh, the spouse that was left has chosen not to say that the-

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … the adulterer was an adulterer.

Jim: Right.

Susan: Um, and I, I think you just have to decide what you feel is best for your children and for them what knowledge is too much=

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … and what’s okay.

Jim: I- it’s interesting when you, when you deal with adversity, whatever it might be. It might be the loss of a spouse by death-

Susan: Yeah.

Jim: … and not necessarily adultery. But in every adversity, if you can turn toward the Lord-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and face it with Him and let Him, um, teach you-

Susan: Right.

Jim: … how to get through it through reading the word and seeing how David and so many biblical characters dealt with adversity-

Susan: Yeah.

Jim: … It’s an amazing journey then, isn’t it?

Susan: Mm-hmm. Yes.

Jim: (laughs) It’s-

Susan: Yes, it is. It’s, uh, it’s awesome to see how He takes such difficult circumstances-

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … and does beautiful things with them. And, and that’s a challenge which I’ve tried to work with my children on, is to see that there… that God can use all of this difficult stuff and turn it into something beautiful and that He does have a plan in the midst of all of it.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: There was this… Right kind of in the… just in the down and dirty time of the going through the separation and the divorce, uh, we had a guest preacher at our church, and he was talking about the Israelites at the Red Sea.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: And he was sharing about how the, uh, water parted actually from the other shore. It says an east wind, so it parted from the other shore towards them, kind of not like we think with the-

Jim: Right, in front of their feet.

Susan: … with the Ten Commandments movie-

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … where it goes…

Jim: So, it came the opposite direction.

Susan: But it came to them.

Jim: Interesting.

Susan: And, um, I… After church, I was like, “Guys, do you know how cool that is? That God is already working a plan to get us through all this difficult stuff and he’s bringing it to us.”

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: Like, we don’t have to go get it.

Jim: It’s coming toward us.

Susan: It’s coming to us and how beautiful that is that God does that.

Jim: Uh, Susan, one thing that I notice ’cause my mom and dad divorced when I was five-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and, you know, those are memories from long ago, but I think the way that I coped with it, and you have a youngster about that same age-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … Um, it was to wall off-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … um, not to think it’s such a big deal.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, it was a big deal, but emotionally, a coping mechanism for a child is just to not let it go so deep-

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … so it doesn’t hurt.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And that’s not necessarily healthy, is it, because you’re not really feeling, uh, underneath the superficial reality of that.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Have you experienced that with your kids?

Susan: Yes. I particularly… My daughter is very much… very emotional that very first day-

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: … when he said, extremely emotional. But from that day on, she has shown very little emotion.

John: She shut down.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

John: Huh.

Susan: Absolutely shut down. And I see it, uh, go into other areas of her life as well. Just, uh, you know, she is very, uh, un-excitable. (laughs)

Jim: Yeah, she just-

Susan: You know, she’s just a very low-key kind of person now, um, and unaffected. That’s probably a better word, unaffected-

Jim: Mm.

Susan: … by what does on. And her… She’ll say the same thing if I ask her about her father or anything that’s going on in her life, “It’s not that big a deal, It’s not that big a deal.”

Jim: Now, was she that way before?

Susan: No.

Jim: Oh, no, she wasn’t.

Susan: No.

Jim: Oh.

Susan: But she’s, um, she’s funny though. Uh, we did the passport to purity weekend and on the way back, I said, “Baby, do you wanna talk about anything with your dad and what’s going on with our family?” And she’s like, “No.” She’s like, “I’ll just wait until I’m older and have a bunch of relationship issues.” I was like, “Oh.”

Jim: (laughing) Mm.

Susan: And we, we laughed, but part of me was like, “Oh, my.”

Jim: Oh, you don’t want that to be the case.

Susan: “Please don’t even say that.” (laughs)

Jim: Yeah. You didn’t want that to be-

Susan: But I think she recognizes that it is a big deal, but I think again it’s a coping mechanism. She just doesn’t really know what to do with it, and, uh, they do all deal with it differently. And, and as a parent walking through that as a single parent as well, walking your children through this and each one is dealing with it differently, each one has different needs, needs to be encouraged in a different way, it is absolutely overwhelming. And you’re coming at it from a place of not having a whole lot to give ’cause you’re walking through it as well of having all those needs and things. So, that’s, you know, where the Lord’s strength is the answer to that.

Jim: Mm. Well, and the thing you have to, to continue to imbibe into your children is the fact that even though it didn’t work, marriage is still a biblical, uh, theme. It’s something God wants for us as adults.

Susan: Yes.

Jim: Um, and not in all cases.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Singleness is a part of biblical truth.

Susan: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But, uh, but you still have to educate your kids a- around this problem. Have you found that challenging to lift up marriage with your kids in the midst of tragedy?

Susan: No, I don’t think so because I’m sold on it too.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: So, I, I didn’t ever come to the point where, you know, “I hate men. I don’t ever wanna be around another man ever.”

Jim: Right.

Susan: I had my heart’s desires. I loved being married. I loved being a wife. And I talk with my… particularly my daughter, you know, that’s it’s a beautiful calling, uh, if God calls you to that. And, um, and I think we have a little different circumstance maybe than some people that we didn’t have a marriage that we were fighting all the time. Y-…

Jim: Yeah.

Susan: There wasn’t a whole lot of angst in our marriage, so our… My children saw a relatively good marriage.

Jim: Right.

Susan: So, they have that vision.

Jim: Mm.

Susan: Um, you know, we were all kind of blindsided, my kids included. You know, um, I have had… Talked with youngsters who have gone through what my kids have gone through who said, “Well, it was easier when my parents separated and divorced because they were always fighting all the time.”

Jim: Mm.

Susan: My kids didn’t have that, so in some ways, I’ve had it a little easier ’cause I can say, “Well, Daddy and I were happily married,” and I try and bring up happy stories from the past with them.

Jim: Right.

Susan: Remind them of fun… You know, it’s not taboo to talk about Daddy.

John: This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller and we just heard a part of a conversation recorded a number of years ago with Susan Birdseye about the heartbreaking revelation that her seemingly happy marriage was over, and she was facing an unwanted divorce. And on top of that, she became a single mom of five children.

Jim: John, I hope our listeners will join us next time for the conclusion of Susan’s incredible story because although her circumstances didn’t get any easier, she clung to the Lord and relied upon godly friends and her church community to endure the days ahead. And eventually, she even found a place in her heart to forgive her husband. But today we want to share a quick update from Susan about how she and her children have managed over the past 13 years since her divorce, and here’s what she shared with us.

Susan: Uh, I discovered that for myself, it’s really easy to trust God with those big, giant things, and it is really hard with the little things. And being a single parent, there are so many things to deal with, um, so many decisions to make on your own, so many burdens to carry alone. And as a single mom, I know, like, house repairs and car… You know, just all those little nitty gritty things after a while, they can just feel so overwhelming and… Like, I know God cares about all those things, but sometimes it’s like, “Could all the appliances please work for more than a minute?” You know, that… (laughs) that kind of, that kind of thing. So, just learning to trust God, um, has been a challenge honestly, um, you know, walking through this life ’cause it, it is overwhelming, and I think sometimes people think that “Well, gosh. She’s been a single parent for over so many years. You should… You know, it should be easier by now.” It’s like, “Mm. No.” (laughs) It’s parenting. It doesn’t get easier; it just gets different. Um, so it’s really interesting to see with five… You definitely see, like, a different response to the situation in each one of them. One of my children tends to be more of a peacemaker, um, and, you know, will do everything, uh, he can to as-… You know, kind of make everything smooth and easy (laughs) for everybody, including, including his dad. One of mine is very, very angry and doesn’t wanna talk, but is constantly pursuing his faith, but I think his relationship with God is definitely impacted by that because that dad figure left, uh, so he has a little bit of trust issues with God. So, we talk a lot about that. And what I see with my daughters particularly is a lack of value. They don’t see themselves as valuable and worthy of being loved well. Um, and it’s heartbreaking and, you know, it’s just the… And I hate to use the word just, but I think what I can do is pray for my daughters, that God will just continually pour into them that He loves them and that He is there for them, and He values them just as they are, so. They have index cards with verses all over their rooms and mirrors and everything with every affirmation verse I could find. (laughs) Um, but we’ve all, we’ve all struggled and, um, wrestled with some different things with our faith. I think we’re all stronger for it and the kids and I have a really strong relationship with one another and have great conversations about God and who He is and how to trust Him when things just don’t make sense and when things aren’t kind of going the way you want them to go. I think we all… We often talk about, like, that dad in Mark IX where he’s like, “I believe. Help my unbelief.” You know, like, is God gonna step in and, and help with the different things that we’re dealing with? Um, and I think that at some point, um, the kids and I have also talked a lot about, like, stopping… We stopped asking why things happened and why our family is like this and why there are so many challenges and struggles, and kind of like, “How, God? How do you want us to walk forward? How do we do this well? How do we, um, live where you’ve called us to be and be content with that life and be okay with things are not going the way…” You know, in your mind’s eye, you want it to go where you thought it would go or by now it should be easier. Um, so I, I think that’s, that’s one the things. I think we’ve all wrestled and and grown stronger for it.

Jim: Whew. You know, John, I really admire Susan’s courage as a single mom and her commitment to the Lord, trying to help her kids retain their faith and see value in themselves and believe that God’s got a greater purpose for their lives even with all that, you know, destruction going on. But we also need to acknowledge that one of the greatest tragedies in our culture today is the devastation of divorce. Far too many husbands or wives are walking away from their commitments and families and shattering their own lives and the lives of their children. Uh, divorce is never easy or good, and it has terrible consequences. And frankly, it’s a violation of God’s plan. And if you’re saying, “Man, he’s really heaping on the guilt,” I want to because I want couples to rethink it if they’re on that borderline of thinking of divorce. We know there are exceptions in the Bible for abuse and infidelity, and we know that we live in a sinful and broken world where bad things happen often out of our control, and I get that. But here at Focus, we’re doing all we can to rescue couples who are hurting and who maybe think they have no other choice but to walk away. That’s why we have our counseling team and our Hope Restored intensives, which is counseling effort. It goes for several days, typically four days, and our goal is to give you godly help for your marriage along with the tools that you need to rebuild your family.

John: We’re gonna urge you to contact us here to ask about these resources. Uh, Focus on the Family is here. We’re, uh, wanting to help you in any way we can, and our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. (800) 232-6459. And online, you’ll find us at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: And if you’re in a good place right now with your marriage, uh, let me invite you to do ministry through Focus. And this program, Hope Restored, has an incredible success rate. Over 80% of the couples that come, two years later, are doing better and still married. I can’t think of a better program in the whole country, John. And, man, like the early church, let’s pitch in together. Let’s improve the capacity for Hope Restored right now. We hope that 3000 couples will go through the program. We’re trying to, uh, create more capacity in Arizona, down in Texas. If you want to get onboard with Hope Restored… I hope someday we can be putting 5,000 to 7,000 couples a year through that program and then we’re gonna put a dent in the Christian divorce rate. So, be a part of it. Send a gift to Focus on the Family today and earmark it for Hope Restored, and we will put those dollars to work to save more marriages.

John: Donate as you can. Join the support team and when you make a gift of any amount, either a monthly pledge or a one-time gift, we’ll send a copy of Susan Birdseye’s book, When Happily Ever After Shatters: Seeing God in the Midst of Divorce and Single Parenthood. And again, our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast to donate. Coming up next time, more of Susan Birdseye’s powerful story about learning how to avoid bitterness and regret, and to embrace the power of forgiveness. I’m John Fuller and on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today. Plan to be with us next time as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.