As I understand it, there should be freedom in the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. I’ve asked my wife several times to let me bring pornographic material into our bedroom to enhance our love-making, but she won’t have it. This is extremely frustrating. Am I being unreasonable?
ANSWER:
You are being unreasonable. Hear us out.
It’s true that God has given a husband and wife the privilege to define the uniqueness of their sexual relationship. However, love implies that each spouse must give highest priority to the needs, feelings, desires, and preferences of their mate. In other words, mutual consent is basic to all healthy sexual expression in marriage.
There are a lot of positive ways to spice up a marriage. But using pornography isn’t one of them.
Based on what you’ve told us, we’re not clear if you consider yourself a Christian. Either way, we encourage you to learn everything you can about the biblical view of marriage and God’s intent for human sexuality. A good place to start is our article series “God’s Design for Sex.”
How pornography hurts a marriage
Pornography undermines the meaning of the marriage covenant. By proposing to bring it into your bedroom, you’re basically telling your wife that you want to have multiple sex partners at the same time.
That’s bad enough. But porn is also powerfully addictive. Those who use it come to depend on partners other than their own spouses. They reach a place where they need images in videos and magazines to stimulate sexual arousal.
And like any other drug, porn tends to lose potency over time. Eventually, an addict has to have more and more to achieve the same “high.” In fact, many users eventually gravitate toward hard-core erotic material and even violent porn.
Don’t fall into the dangerous trap of using pornography in your marriage.
Where to find help
If you’d like to talk more about what you’re going through, call our professional and pastoral counselors for a free consultation at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). They can give you referrals to trained therapists in your area and intensive marriage counseling options.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
Nothing to Hide: Hope for Marriages Hurt by Pornography and Infidelity
Digital Pornography Addiction: What You Need to Know and Where to Find Help
Marital Intimacy (resource list)
Overcoming Sexual Brokenness (resource list)
