If you and your boyfriend are Christians and are committed to sexual purity, we think this plan is a very bad idea. Although your intentions may be true, you’ll be subjecting yourselves to a tremendous amount of sexual temptation. That’s a serious matter, since the Bible commands us to “flee from sexual immorality” and to live in a way that is “holy and honorable.”
You should also consider the message that this living arrangement would send to your daughter. God has designed sexuality to be a beautiful gift. It’s meant be shared between a husband and wife in a life-long, committed marital relationship. If this is what you want your daughter to grow up believing, you will be sending her a confusing, mixed message by living with your boyfriend – even if you are able to resist sexual temptation. In addition, you’d be placing her in an awkward situation with teachers, friends and relatives. She will certainly be asked about the living arrangement. When that happens, will she be able to respond with a satisfactory explanation?
You should also know that if you and your boyfriend should become sexually involved, the research on cohabitation isn’t pretty. Couples who live together before marriage have a 60-80% higher divorce rate. They also have higher rates of domestic violence and are more likely to cheat on each other. And if the woman becomes pregnant, there is a very high likelihood that the relationship will end within two years, at which time she’ll be left to raise the child on her own. For all these reasons and more, we’d encourage you to wait to build your home together until after the wedding day.
If you think it would be helpful to discuss your questions at greater length with a member of our staff, call our Counseling department for a free consultation. They’ll be pleased to assist you in any way they can.
Resources
Before You Live Together: Will Living Together Bring You Closer or Drive You Apart?
Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry
101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged
Referrals
PREPARE/ENRICH
Articles
Test-Driving Marriage
What’s the Deal with Cohabitation? A Survey of This Decade’s Leading Research
