Estimated reading time: 10 minutes
I’ve learned there are different seasons in family life. It seems there are weeks that are slower-paced, and the waters seem to be calm. And then suddenly the rapids set in. Torrential winds arrive and the speed of life picks up, almost blowing us over day after day, week after week. The faster pace can vary but tends to include travel, work, kids’ practices, speech therapy, doctors’ appointments, grocery shopping — need I continue — an endless list of activities and responsibilities that keep a mom on the go.
You know what I mean. In this season of raising a family, I can begin to feel lonely and isolated as I chauffeur my kids around. Praise God for the 5 o’clock hour when my husband, Greg, clocks out of his full-time job to share in the family fun!
Although I am learning this will only last for a season in our married life, I understand Greg and I need to make an intentional effort to step away from the steering wheel, grocery cart, laptop and laundry room to connect with each other. It seems that many couples, including Greg and me, get into the rut of just being too tired. We buy into the lie that our time will come later — we can do everything together once the kids graduate and head off to college. Unfortunately, I have seen this untruth destroy marriages. My marriage — and your marriage — needs regular attention, much like my minivan needs regular oil changes and tire rotations.
Table of contents
A Date Night with Your Spouse Makes a Big Difference
Because I desire connection with my husband throughout the crazy seasons of family life, I’ve learned there is one particular thing I can do to stay in sync with Greg. Although I too often desire to pull on my PJ’s as soon as I arrive home in the evening, I’ve committed to put on my party dress and head out the door with my husband by my side. OK, I’ll be honest. Sometimes I’m actually wearing the sweats I’ve had on for the last three days. But a date night with your spouse makes a difference. I’ve learned from experience that intentional pursuit of my husband is worth the effort. Our marriage is worth it. Our family is worth it.
The little ones in our home sometimes despair when they see Greg and me approaching the front door to leave together. But an extra 10-minute conversation with them, in which I explain the benefits of a date night for Mommy and Daddy, helps to calm them.
The Statistics of Date Night
So, as a wife, what do you make of date night with your husband? I came across some statistics in a recent Redbook magazine on how women view date night with their spouse. Here are a few of the specifics:
- 23% of women said date night is about romance
- 59% said date night is about getting back on the same page
- 62% of the ladies said they always dress up a little for date night
- 50% say the No. 1 reason date night gets canceled is because they are too tired to go out
Apparently I’m not alone in feeling exhausted and wanting to just stay home. Regardless, this is what I know for sure: Date night helps to maintain our marriage and puts Greg and me back on the same page. Yes, I like the romance part of it, too, but the connection part for me brings the romance.
The Purpose of a Date Night with Your Spouse is to Connect
A few months ago, I felt the distance creeping into my marriage. You know, that feeling you get when you look at your husband and he might as well be on the other side of the Grand Canyon because you have absolutely no idea what he is struggling with or thinking about? I thought about confronting Greg for being too busy and absent from our relationship, but then I decided to take the “back door approach” and invite Greg to join me on a hike.
Whereas women can sit down and have coffee and connect through conversation at an emotionally deep level rather quickly, guys typically do much better connecting emotionally when they are engaged in an activity. The great news in this case was that Greg didn’t even realize my true intent for heading out the door. He more or less begrudgingly agreed to walk with me because he, too, was exhausted.
But as we walked along a beautiful tree-lined Colorado trail, we began talking and sharing about what had been going on in our individual lives. I asked him questions to get a better understanding of the struggles he was facing. And he asked the same of me. The sun soon began to set and we realized we had to turn around and head home. By that point, I think we could have walked another half a day. We were talking, learning about each other and connected — and Greg had no idea that that’s what I was really looking for when we left the house.
Keep Dating Your Husband and Pursuing Connection
Although a hike may not be the traditional dinner-and-a-movie date night with your spouse, it’s something new and adventurous. I encourage you to keep dating your husband. Keep pursuing connection and romance within your marriage, remembering that maintenance may look different in each season of your marriage. Whether it’s a party dress or dirty sweat pants, a movie or a hike, I encourage you to just keep doing something!
Your marriage is worth fighting for, in all its changing seasons. It needs continuous maintenance, just like your other best friend — the minivan.
When you feel the distance creeping in and you want to scream, “Return to me!” — plan a date night with your husband. Even better, make it a habit to plan a date night with your husband every week.
Tips for Date Night with Your Spouse
The following appeared in Thriving Family Magazine from Focus on the Family magazine and was titled “Save the Date.”
You know a date night with your spouse is good for your marriage. But in the midst of raising kids and balancing commitments, have you put dating on the back burner? It’s time to save the date! Do something fun together, just the two of you.
The good news is that you don’t have to make elaborate plans or spend a ton of money to have a great time together. Take your cue from these creative ideas — compiled from a recent Focus on the Family Facebook contest. With these low-cost (or no-cost), easy-to-plan dates, you can make memories together without blowing your family budget.
Coffee Q&A
One evening my husband took me out on a surprise date. My wheels were turning trying to think of what he was up to when we pulled into Starbucks, ordered coffee and grabbed a table.
I figured we would just sit and chat, catching up on each other’s day. To my surprise, he pulled out a stack of 3×5 cards and said we were going to play a little game. He had written a question on each card: What is something your spouse does very well but doesn’t know he does well? What is your favorite joke? What’s a childhood memory you’ll never forget?
One of us would pull a card and read the question. Then the other would answer. We took turns reading and answering until we were at the bottom of the stack. We laughed. We dreamed. We reminisced.
A cup of coffee, some 3×5 cards, and I can honestly say it was our best date ever!
—Emily Peterson, Virginia
A Stroll Down Memory Lane
My husband and I have two little ones, so we don’t get much time away together. One great way we enjoy couple time is by spending an evening at home with special food and memories.
I make some of our favorite finger foods to enjoy after the kids go to bed. We lay a blanket on the floor, light a few candles and watch a home movie — our wedding, kids’ birthdays, family vacations. We also have old photo albums or yearbooks close by to continue the reminiscing and giggling!
Remembering the happy moments, laughter and tears is the perfect way to reconnect and just be together.
—Lisa Carey, Idaho
Gift Cards & Coupons
My husband and I combine the gift cards and various coupons in our wallets to create our own frugal date night. Using what we’ve accumulated, we map out all the places we can go to spend our gift cards and coupons. Between stops, we enjoy lots of conversation. This is a great way to have a fun date and clean out our wallets — while keeping the cash!
—Dionne Marriot, Texas
Romance on a Rooftop
One of my favorite dates is when my husband and I climb up onto our roof with some blankets, a radio and a sweet snack. There, under the stars and moonlight, we can talk, snuggle and listen to the radio. It is romantic, free and something we can do anytime, weather permitting.
—April Walker, Florida
Driveway Theater
My husband and I share a love for movies. So I came up with an idea that would allow us to go “out” to the movies for almost no money at all. After we’ve put the kids to bed, we grab the baby monitor and go to the “Driveway Theatre.” With a warm blanket, a couple of sodas from the fridge and a big bowl of popcorn, we watch a movie on our laptop computer while sitting in our car. We take turns picking the feature presentation from a DVD, Netflix or Hulu (since we’re still in range of our Internet connection). In our own driveway, we get to experience everything a real date at the theater has to offer—with less cost and more privacy. Plus, I get to wear my pajamas!
—Nikki Stansel, Oregon
Exchanging Vows — Hallmark Style
You would think that, after 10 years of marriage and three children, my husband and I would have said it all. Not true. For date night, we have chosen to spend some time in the card aisle at our local grocery store.
We look the cards over and find one for each other — sometimes humorous, sometimes sweet but never dull. We do not show each other the card we’ve selected … yet. First, we go to a fast-food place and order sodas. Then we fill out the cards and exchange our most current “vows.”
—Sarah Webb, Arizona
Dollar Date
With seven kids between us, date nights for my husband and me are rare treasures that require creativity and planning. Money is always tight in our large household, so recently I came up with the “Dollar Date.”
To begin our evening, I suggested a “dollar menu” dinner. We only ordered things that were $1, and our total dinner was six bucks! We then went to the local dollar store and each purchased two treats to share. After that treasure hunt, we headed to the dollar theater and saw a great movie.
We laughed and enjoyed our evening, knowing that we had stayed well within our limited budget. And we had treats left over to share with the kids when we got home!
We will be doing the “Dollar Date” on a regular basis. I love the challenge of planning dates that eliminate the stress of overspending. And I know my thrifty husband appreciates my effort. That doubles the enjoyment of our evenings out!
—Kari Long, Alabama
A Romantic Evening at Home
After arranging to send the kids to Grandma’s house for the night, I pick up groceries and flowers from the store. While my wife takes a bubble bath, I cook dinner for her and serve it by candlelight.
Afterward, we enjoy dancing in our living room or watching a romantic comedy while munching popcorn. Eventually we fall asleep in each other’s arms while watching the flicker of the fireplace. It’s not elaborate, but it’s what she likes, and it hardly costs a thing.
—Travis Oran, Florida
