My empty nest started with an empty bedroom. I stared at the blank walls with gut-wrenching sadness. My son’s clothes and belongings packed in cardboard boxes strewn around the room. The memories of my son as a little boy running up and down the halls of our home flooded my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the memories from coming, each happy memory triggering more tears than the last. Curled up in a ball on his sheet-stripped bed, I came to grips with the reality my son would never live under our roof again. Although we were happy he was going to college, I began to question my purpose. Questions plagued my mind:
- How will I navigate this empty nest syndrome?
- How will I revitalize my relationship with God?
- How will I relate to my husband (and God) with this new gap in my life?
As parents, our lives change drastically the minute our children enter the world. Our eyes fill with happy tears as we hold our babies for the first time, and our schedules, time, and resources shift as our priorities change. For the first few years of our children’s lives, we put ourselves second as we put our kids’ needs, wants, and desires ahead of our own. As they enter the teens, however, that all changes. Our children stop needing us as they become busy with friends, significant others, and work, and soon, the same kids that occupied all our time and were with us every moment of the day are nowhere to be found.
Shifting Time, Resources, and Priorities
Once they graduate high school, kids focus their minds on college. Once they enter college, parents ask themselves the same questions I asked above. Parents’ time, resources, and priorities shift back to themselves. However, they find themselves not knowing who they are or how to navigate their relationship with God or with their spouse because of this new change in life.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. The empty nest doesn’t have to be a change that fills our minds with dread, but rather a time we can navigate with hope and revitalize our relationship with God. But how does a parent do that when they’ve spent all their time caring for their children?
According to Acenda Health.org, “Empty Nest Syndrome is a psychological condition that brings on feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and grief. Additionally, some parents may turn to substances or other negative behaviors to cope with these feelings of sadness. According to Mindful Health Solutions, 25% of parents will experience Empty Nest Syndrome.”
The empty nest may make parents feel lonely, grief-stricken, and grasping for meaning in life. They may feel like a piece of themselves has died and worry they may never find happiness again. Yet, God wants us to put our trust in him so that he can give us true meaning and purpose in life.
Here are some ways to revitalize your relationship with God while navigating the empty nest syndrome with hope:
An Empty Nest Allows You to Solidify Your identity in God
When parents place their hope in being parents, they find it difficult to relate to God once their kids have gone away. Every parent must learn to place their identity in God. Solidifying your identity as a child of God carries more freedom than anything else. If you are having difficulty finding your identity in God, search the Scriptures for all the references of who you are in Christ. Write them on an index card and place them in prominent places around your home. Remind yourself of these verses each morning as you get up and each evening before you go to bed. Use these verses to renew your mind and place your identity in God rather than in your role as a parent.
Let God Define Your Purpose in an Empty Nest
Parents who grieve too long about their role as caregivers may miss what God has for the second act of their lives. Just because their kids are gone does not mean God is done with them. God may have great things for them to do, not only with their spouse but also individually, because they have more time to devote to God. Brainstorm and think about the passions you have. Think of some things you’ve always wanted to do that you haven’t been able to do because of having kids. Make a list of things that you’d like to do but have never gotten the chance to do. Ask God to provide you with the resources, time, and money to do these things.
Additionally, you may want to go back to school to pursue another degree or a completely different occupation. Additionally, if you were a stay-at-home mom, you may want to pursue one of your own passions. This might be a great time to take classes and pursue something you love. When you adjust to not having children around, you may enjoy pursuing your passions individually and with your spouse.
Spend Real Time with God
As parents, we read our bibles, go to church, and pray, but often, they are not for long periods of time. Not having kids around may give you more time to spend a long duration of time with God. You might be able to take a spiritual retreat for a whole weekend, a silent retreat for a day, or any other form of extended time with God. This will refresh your soul in ways you’ve never dreamed. Ask friends and family how they spend their time with God then seek to do those things. As you spend time with God, you will learn to discern and obey His voice. As you learn to become more in tune with God’s voice, you will find your relationship with God deepen. This will increase your intimacy with God and allow you to grow as a mature person of faith.
An empty nest is not something we need to look upon with dread. Instead, navigate your empty nest with hope! Although it may cause some sadness as you grieve the loss of that chapter of your life, God may want to open a new chapter that is more enriching than ever before. Spend time with God, let him define your purpose, and solidify your identity in him. When you can do those things, not only will you feel freer emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, but you may have a new lease on life. Your adult children and your spouse will greatly benefit if you can do these things, and you may find an empty nest is the best nest after all.
