Five Ways to Support Your Spouse after a Job Loss

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

I keep my phone on silent at work, but as a wife, mom, and grandma, I check regularly for missed calls. Mid-morning on a Wednesday, I saw a call from Harry, my husband. We send each other check-in texts and emojis occasionally during the day. But a phone call? I retreated to a quiet hallway. My stomach tightened as I heard his brief report.

“I’ve been laid off.”

His voice held no emotion, and I rushed home to show my support. Questions burned in our minds, and there were no easy answers.

What if we can’t pay our bills? Should we sell one of the cars? Will we lose our home?

We’d been through layoffs before, and God always met our physical and material needs. But this time, we discovered that the greatest threat to my sweet husband’s well-being was a lost sense of identity and purpose, probably due to the shock and his age. He had just turned 61. More questions filled his head.

“What if I’m too old and nobody will hire me.” “What if technology has surpassed me?” “What am I supposed to do if I have to leave my career field?”

But I knew Harry was a child of God. I knew God had a purpose for his life. Now, I just had to figure out how to remind him of those truths to counter the enemy’s attacks.

Building Your Spouse Up

Harry and I continued to worship, pray, study Scripture, and gather with friends and family. These activities provided the foundation for him to heal and move forward. But I also found other ways to support him during the long months of waiting.

1. Show your spouse the fruit of the Spirit after a job loss.

As followers of Christ, the Holy Spirit dwells within us. We can demonstrate this fruit in a couple of ways.

First, listen with love and patience. Let him do the talking—when he’s ready. And be okay with him sharing only what he decides to share. Exhibit self-control and resist the urge to chime in and judge his employer. Remember, at one time, your spouse probably enjoyed working at the company and may still have friends there. It is rarely a good idea to burn bridges.

As you listen, avoid judging your spouse’s actions. Be gentle and kind. Once the job is lost, it does not matter if he did or said anything that contributed to being laid off or fired. We are all human, and mistakes happen. Your goal is to lift him up and look forward, not remind him of the unchangeable past.

Second, show the fruit of the Spirit through actions. Here are some ideas.

• Say, “I love you,” and remind him how precious he is in your life.
• Perform a random act of kindness towards him every day.
• Hug often.
• Ask if you can take over some of his responsibilities—temporarily—to relieve the stress of everyday tasks.
• Bring joy into his life by planning a surprise, no-cost date night.

What are some additional ways you can show the fruit of the Spirit?

2. Encourage your spouse to persevere through the job hunt process.

Depression is almost inevitable when someone loses a job. Your spouse may be physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted and have trouble starting the job search or engaging in his typical activities. Be patient and don’t panic. God is in control.

How can you help him start—and keep—looking?  Here are some suggestions.

• Acknowledge his feelings and fears and remind him that you have been through ups and downs before.
• Ask questions about his activities without pushing for specific results.
• Encourage him to share his progress daily.
• Remind him the Lord is with him and encourage him to find reasons to rejoice.
• Share Scriptures that demonstrate God’s ability to work through trials. For example, Romans 5:1-5 expresses the joy of our salvation and the promise that God uses challenging times to make us stronger.

3. Help your spouse find a sense of purpose outside of work after a job loss.

Sometimes, we believe a truth in our head but struggle with feeling it in our heart. It can be difficult to hold on to God’s presence and our purpose in difficult situations. Your spouse may wonder, “Why won’t God tell me his plan?” He may ask, “Why has God abandoned me?”

How can you help him find a sense of purpose? Try some of these.

• Spend time together in prayer, asking God for wisdom and discernment.
• Encourage him to consider if God may be calling him to a new adventure.
• Begin a conversation on how he can use his time to serve the Lord while still working hard to find a new job.
• Depending on your spouse’s frame of mind, discuss the life of Job or others in Scripture who experienced unpleasant situations and were able to find God’s purpose as they persevered. (Moses, Joseph, David, Mary Magdalene, and many others)

4. Motivate your spouse to find activities or hobbies to enjoy after a job loss.

There are more hours in a day than can be filled with job search activities. Your spouse may find he has too much time on his hands, which can increase his tendency to be depressed, anxious, confused, or angry.  God desires us to not only be productive but also to enjoy the time he has given us.

How can you help your spouse stay active? Here are some ideas.

• Play games together or learn a new game.
• Suggest that he pick up a hobby he hasn’t done for a while or try a new one.
• Encourage him to spend more time cooking.
• Encourage him to stay caught up on yard work or gardening.
• Ask him to make something for you (crafts, sewing, woodworking, cooking, etc.)

5. Remind your spouse that our identity is found in Jesus, not a job.

The most important thing you can do for your spouse is to remind him that his job is merely one aspect of who he is. His eternal identity is as God’s child. How can you help him keep his eyes focused on Christ? Here are some suggestions.

• Remind him he can use this opportunity to rely more on God. Help him identify ways to increase his trust in the Lord.
• Read the Bible together, focusing on passages about our relationship with Jesus.
• Encourage him to find an accountability partner.
• Talk about your decisions to follow Jesus and what it means to be his child.

Eight months after my husband lost his job, he accepted a new one in his career field. We have no doubt God used that time to draw us closer to Him and each other. It is my prayer God will do the same for you. But regardless of the result, you can stand firm on the same promise God gave to his chosen people.