Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
It was our first New Year’s Eve as a married couple. As we sat together, I shared my goals for the coming year (remodeling parts of our house and completing a big writing project) and set my priorities. I could see my new husband’s face fall.
When I asked Roger about it, he tried to downplay his disappointment. “I thought we would save up for a summer vacation,” he finally admitted. But the look in his eyes said it all—in my excitement, I had completely left him out of my plans.
To avoid such marriage-testing discussions in the future, my husband and I have made a plan to talk about how we want our year to go. I have to admit, instead of being dry and businesslike, this exercise opens the door to surprisingly intimate conversations.
We start off with one category and talk through what we’d like to accomplish in the year ahead, sharing our personal goals and arriving at shared goals together. With a notebook in hand, we write down our goals and then break them into doable chunks. Gradually, we work our way through the categories. Here are a few of the categories and the questions we ask each other:
New goals for the New Year: Creating your list
1. The house
What projects do we want to accomplish around the house in the next 12 months? We look at our resources (space, time, energy, and money) and make a list of what we need for each project. We consider our skills and how we can help each other (I can paint his workshop. He can build me a chicken coop).
We add tasks we both want to get done, like replacing our water heater or getting rid of clutter in our home. Then, we decide on the order of priority. This list keeps me from secretly being frustrated about what’s not getting done. Plus, by putting a price tag on each project, we can create savings goals and start saving up for what we want to accomplish.
2. Finances
James W. Frick, a former vice president at the University of Notre Dame, said, “Don’t tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money, and I’ll tell you what they are.”
Wow—that’s convicting. The question is: How do we want our bank statement to look in December? Were we purposeful in how we spent our money, or will we look back and ask, “Where did it all go?” Each new year is a time not only to make plans for how we spend our money but also to decide how much to put aside for a crisis. It’s a great opportunity to look at our family’s financial fitness.
3. Faith
I love and trust my husband. So we ask each other where we are spiritually and listen without judgment. I can admit (and he probably already knows) that this year has been a “valley” year for me. We will discuss how we want to grow deeper in our faith individually and as a couple. Some of the areas we cover are retreats we may want to attend, practices we want to develop, and books we’d like to read as a couple or with a group. Even setting goals to discover our God-given purpose draws us closer together.
4. Health
Where are we in our physical health? We take a look at how we’ve been eating, exercising, and resting. We evaluate whether we need to prepare meals differently or refocus some of our money on things like a gym membership. This is also a great time to make sure annual physicals and dentist appointments are scheduled. The big question we ask is: How can we support each other in our goal of becoming healthier?
5. Relationship goals
Is there an aspect of our marriage we want to work on this year? Is it time for a tune-up with a counselor or for reading a marriage book together? Perhaps it’s time to plan a couple’s retreat (at home or away) to get some fun back into our relationship after a long, hard year.
6. Mental wellness
This is a new category for us, but it should have been included all along. We need to be checking in on each other, especially after the year most of us have had. How can we help each other improve our mental wellness in the year to come? Ideas include talking to a counselor, encouraging each other to go on walks and get out in nature, and affirming our spouse’s need to spend time with family and friends.
The first time you discuss goals together, setting what you hope to attain in the upcoming year, it may feel awkward, hard, or just plain weird. But on the other side is a new level of intimacy with the one you love—and a year you can both enjoy.
New goals for a new year: A couple’s devotional
As a couple, discuss 2 Corinthians 5. Read the chapter together or individually, then focus your conversation on the following passage and discussion questions.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
— 2 Corinthians 5:17
- What do you like or dislike about making New Year’s resolutions?
- What’s the best resolution you ever kept?
- What do we need to surrender to God for Him to breathe new life into our marriage?
We sometimes get caught up in making big resolutions in January. If we’re not careful, setting goals becomes a self-improvement project that aims so high we quickly give up. But when we give God control, He is able to make lasting changes in our lives. We can trust that He’s shaping us into the person He’s created us to be.
Instead of resolving to do more, what about asking God to help you be more? What does your relationship need you to be? More loving, attentive, or available? Now, that’s a plan for the new year that could make a big difference.
For more devotions to help make your faith—and your marriage—stronger each week of the year, see Jim and Jean Daly’s book The Best Year of Your Marriage: 52 devotions to bring you closer.
