No matter what form bullying or cyberbullying takes, it happens far too often and can have damaging effects.
Estimated reading time: 9 minutes
Bullying and cyberbullying were happening in the same high school to two students just down the hall from each other. Mary wobbled as the head cheerleader added a math book to the stack of books in her arms and threatened to tell the whole school via social media about the girl’s crush on the football captain—including pictures of how she had doodled his name in the back of her notebooks with little hearts.
A few lockers down, Tommy was rubbing a sore shoulder. After he’d been excluded from his group of friends and the target of several offensive jokes, Brandon had slugged him and told him he had no sense of humor.
These are just a few examples of bullying and cyberbullying that our kids can face. Bullying and cyberbullying can be complex, both in what causes the behavior and how it impacts others. Staying on top of bullying can be critical to your child’s well-being. Here are ten things that you need to know as a parent about bullying and cyberbullying.
First, it’s important to know how to define bullying and cyberbullying. The CDC defines bullying as “any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths, who are not siblings or current dating partners, that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance, and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated.”
Cyberbullying occurs when bullying takes place over technology and devices such as computers, tablets, and cell phones. This type of bullying often includes damaging and hurtful comments or spreads gossip. It can occur on social media, blogs, in emails, text messages, instant messages, or photo sharing.
Why do some kids get bullied and not others? In a poll done by the National Center for Educational Statistics, students reported that they were bullied for their physical appearance, race or ethnicity, gender, disability, religion, or sexual orientation.
Bullying and cyberbullying can take different forms.
Here are a few examples:
Physical Bullying
Physical bullying includes gestures or physical contact between the bully and the target. This type of bullying may involve hitting or kicking, pushing and shoving, tripping, spitting, intentionally breaking a person’s belongings, and making rude gestures. Threatening to cause physical harm is also an act of bullying.
Verbal Bullying
Verbal bullying includes name-calling, teasing, taunting, making threats, and making inappropriate comments, especially sexual or racial ones.
Social Bullying
Social bullying creates tension and isolation from a person’s peer group. This type of bullying can include gossip, spreading rumors, causing embarrassment, telling other people not to be friends with the person, intentionally leaving them out of their social group, and sabotaging their attempts to be part of different social groups.
It’s easy to think that bullying and cyberbullying are not significant issues and that they will happen to someone else’s child. Remember, bullying can happen to anyone, though some groups of children and teens are more susceptible to it.
The following statistics from the National Center for Educational Statistics demonstrate how common bullying and cyberbullying are and which students tend to be targeted.
These statistics on bullying and cyberbullying demonstrate that it is a significant issue among our youth.
If your child is being bullied, you may notice a change in their habits and behavior. Some of the signs of bullying or cyberbullying may include:
Likewise, if your child is being a bully, there are some signs that they may be showing aggression to others. Some of these signs may include:
Be intentional about watching for these signs of bullying in your child and teenagers. Noticing that something is out of the ordinary can make a difference in catching bullying and stopping it early.
Did you grow up reciting the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” The truth is that words and psychological bullying can have a tremendous impact on a person, even worse than physical injuries. According to the CDC, children and teens who experience bullying are “at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school.”[iv]
Students who bully others and those who are bullied are both at greater risk for mental health issues and behavioral problems. In extreme cases, bullying can impact a youth’s decision to attempt suicide. These issues and the damage they cause can last into adulthood, which is why it is essential to prevent bullying and stop it as early as possible if it is occurring.
The Bible takes a serious stance on bullying. Many people in the Bible, including Elisha and Jesus, experienced different forms of bullying. The Bible makes it clear that every person is created in the image of God, is precious to Him, and is worthy of respect and dignity. Jesus himself tells us that the second commandment, after loving God, is to “love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31).
God makes it clear that He is on the side of people who are oppressed and bullied. And He commands us not to respond to those bullies in kind, but to take a Christ-like approach and respond in love. Preventing bullying and cyberbullying, or stopping it if it occurs, is a tremendous act of love to our children.
The best way to prevent bullying and cyberbullying is to address it before it happens. Communicating with your child is one of the best ways to do this. When your children know that you are a safe place to share their feelings and experiences, they will be more likely to share with you if a problem occurs. Here are a few ways that you can help prevent bullying before it starts:
Finding out that your child is being bullied is heartbreaking. Here are things you can do if you find out that your child or teenager is being bullied:
Finding out that your child is the one doing the bullying can be just as heartbreaking as learning that your child is being bullied. If you discover that your child is the one who is being the bully, here are a few things that you can do:
Our first response as parents when we learn that our child has experienced harm is often an emotional one. That’s because we love our children, and that’s how God intended it to be. However, if we let our emotions spiral out of control or panic over what is happening, we do our children a disservice. If you learn that your child is experiencing bullying or cyberbullying, take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. There are resources to help you and your student, and there are steps that you can take to make sure that the bullying stops.
If your child is experiencing bullying or cyberbullying, here are resources to help you.
Focus on the Family
1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459)
Christian Counselors Network
1-855-771-HELP (1-855-771-4357)
Bullying Crisis Text Line
Crisistextline.org or text HOME to 741741
StopBullying.gov
Bullying Resources for Educators and Parents
Lainey La Shay is a writer who shines a light on the deep issues of life and relationships. She works to educate others about domestic violence and to assist survivors. Lainey is the author of More than a Survivor: A Devotional and Journal for Those Healing from Trauma and Abuse. Learn more at www.laineylashay.com.
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