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There is no need to be rude in your parenting. Instead, approach family life with a sensible and respectful tone.
A friend once asked me if I thought I was a kind parent. At first, I wasn’t clear on what he
meant. Loving? I show my kids love every day. Altruistic? As a dad, I frequently put my kids’ needs
before my own desires. I’m there to help them when they’re sick, hurt or struggling with long
division. Just recently, I let my son have the last scoop of ice cream. And I love ice cream.
As parents, we don’t often consider the concept of kindness within the context of parenting. We
treat co-workers and store clerks and strangers on the street with kindness. Does this relationship
dynamic really apply to all the big work that goes into parenting?
It does, and I think it’s
often easy to overlook its importance. Kindness in parenting means cultivating an atmosphere of
respect within our homes — especially when life throws frustrations and challenges our way. It
means paying attention to our kids’ words and viewpoints so that we can face life’s hurdles as a
unified team. It means showing gratitude for each other, acknowledging positive decisions and
attitudes instead of only focusing on correcting the negative.
This level of respect doesn’t
take anything away from the larger goals of our parenting. Letting children do whatever they want to
do isn’t kind or respectful. That’s permissiveness. Shielding them from challenges and rescuing them
from consequences isn’t respectful, either. Losing our tempers in the face of misbehavior also isn’t
respectful. Kindness means approaching the often-difficult realities of family life with a sensible,
gentle tone, with the recognition that certain things just have to be dealt with, but no one has to
be rude.
I sometimes ask myself, What would it be like to have me as a dad? Usually, I think
I’m doing a decent job. But when the road is rockier than I’d like, this question helps me focus on
being respectful and kind. It doesn’t mean I’m not frustrated, even a little angry. But kindness
should always outrank whatever self-righteous attitude I’m experiencing in the moment.
Daniel Huerta is the vice president of parenting and youth at Focus on the Family.
“Teaching Preschoolers to Be Kind“
The Kindness Challenge by Shaunti Feldhahn
Focus on the Family magazine
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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