Here are 5 ways to help you create an environment of healthy dialogue with your kids.
Most parents want their children to succeed — in school, in work, in their various extracurricular activities. And there’s an overwhelming number of tips and products available to help parents toward that goal. But we often overlook one of the most effective tools for enhancing childhood brain development. It’s simple, inexpensive, and even enjoyable. And you have this tool at your disposal right now. That tool is conversation.
We’ve long known that speaking to your children is good for them developmentally. The more words a child hears, the better his or her brain development and language skills will be, which contributes to success in many areas of life. But there’s more to this story: Recent research from Harvard, MIT, and the University of Pennsylvania shows that a child’s brain develops best through regular, back-and-forth exchanges of ideas. In the study, children who engaged in regular conversations with parents showed significant enhancement in the language processing areas of their brains.
Our culture of endless distractions and demands can make regular, two-way conversations difficult. But your kids’ healthy development may very well depend on your ability to minimize such distractions, switch off the screens, and connect with your children.
Here are five ways to help you nurture an environment of conversation with your kids:
Be intentional by scheduling one-on-one time, especially if you have multiple kids. But remember that many of the best conversations happen in the margins of life. Use every opportunity to chat: in the car, at the dinner table, at bedtime. Walks, bike rides, and standing in line at the store are all good times for conversations.
Learn about your children’s interests and help them learn more about you. Give the “quiet” kids opportunities to be known. Sometimes they become more talkative when they feel someone is truly interested in what they have to say. Encourage them to talk about things they like or things that relate to what they’re learning in school.
This takes effort and intentionality. I’m not always the best at listening, so when my thoughts begin to wander, I need to visualize myself pressing a mental pause button in order to enter their world.
While too many questions can feel like an interrogation, authentic interaction when asking those questions conveys genuine interest, as do eye contact and other nonverbal cues.
Children feel valued when you remember things they’ve said, and they’ll start to see conversations with you as memorable and enjoyable. And that’s a gift with lasting impact.
Employing these five strategies to having conversations with your kids will significantly help in their brain development and shows intentionality as a parent. Intentionality is one of the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. How much of an intentional parent are you? Take the FREE parenting assessment to find out.
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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