They both giggled, but my heart broke for the pressure I imagined her child must have felt from her parent. But before I could even tuck my pointed finger back into the palm of my hand, God invited me to take an honest look at what undue pressure my children might be feeling because of me. Ouch.
- How well do I perform on the field?
- How well do I excel in school?
- How many likes do I get on my social media feed?
- How well do I live up to my parents’ expectations?
- How well do I follow the commandments in the Bible?
High performance culture
And because parents serve as a template for how children perceive God, the kids in her ministry link their good and bad behavior to how God feels about them. Her youth group, she explained, is full of kids who never feel “good enough” and feel anxious as a result.
In turn, parents of anxious teens can feel helpless and hopeless, questioning their every move as parents. Their confidence crumbles as they try to help their kids navigate the battles they have to fight and the mountains they have to climb. They second-guess themselves, asking, Have I done too much? Have I not done enough? Am I helping or hurting my child?
That anxiety can escalate and overflow into their parenting and onto their kids who absorb their parents’ anxiety on top of their own. Anxiety in teens is complex, and I couldn’t possibly solve the issue in one article. But here are a few ideas for helping our teens cope with a pressure-filled world.
Set the example.
While we play a very significant role in our kid’s lives, God, their very Good Father, is sovereign over their lives. We are significant, but God is sovereign. It’s only in embracing this truth that we are freed up as parents to help our kids embrace the Good News for themselves.
Spend time together.
Delight in your child.
Make time for rest.
Escape from anxiety
This message isn’t sentimental fluff; it’s solid truth from which freedom springs. In God’s eyes we are of great worth, not because of anything we have or haven’t done, but because of what has been done for us in the person and work of Jesus Christ. The Cross has the final word on our value.
Believing and embracing that truth isn’t the only thing we need to do to help our kids cope with anxiety. But it is a firm foundation on which to build a life of freedom from the exhausting quest to prove their value through performance.
Philippians 4:19 tells us about our source of hope: “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” The good news our kids need to hear is that whether they fail or succeed, obey or rebel, work or rest, through Jesus, God has given them everything they need to be “enough” in Him.
