When your teenage daughter tells you she’s pregnant, you may feel a roller coaster of emotions. While this news may come as a shock there are some biblical ways on how to deal with teenage pregnancy.
When your teenage daughter first breaks the news to you, you may feel shock, disappointment, despair, or embarrassment or all of those feelings at once. You may think, “All of her (and our!) hopes, dreams and plans are over.” Though there may be disappointment in your daughter’s choices, this is a moment to prepare for a major life transition. You can make it through. Other families have walked this road, too. Here are some strategies with how to deal with teenage pregnancy.
Stay calm. This is an important time to listen. Avoid assigning blame or condemning, and focus on the positive. Remember, it’s a blessing that she is talking to you and including you in this conversation as she navigates her next steps.
Try to understand her fears. She is probably overwhelmed and scared about the pregnancy. She could be feeling alone and wondering what her options are. Feelings of shame and losing your love could be clouding her thoughts. This is a future she may not have planned and many of her friends may not be sympathetic to her pregnancy. Be there for her.
Be an asset to your daughter by reassuring her of your unconditional love and concern. Tell her you will be with her. Sharing wisdom gently, gained through your life experiences, can be a valuable component in your daughter’s next steps.
“7 But as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you[a]—see that you excel in this act of grace also.”
2 Corinthians 8:7
Support your daughter’s pregnancy by offering to tell close family members or friends about the pregnancy. Siblings may offer her unique sympathy too. Any one of the friends or family members may have good suggestions regarding resources that you haven’t thought of. Ultimately, the goal is to unite everyone in support for her. In addition, when she is ready, you can help her understand the journey ahead of her. Talk through the options available to her such as marriage, adoption, single parenting, college courses, etc.
She can’t read your mind and may even doubt that you care about her teen pregnancy. Remind her of your love for her. When people around her give her judgement, stand up for your teen and the baby she is growing. This is a time for grace and mercy even though it is tough; therefore, consider saying some of the following:
Be willing to listen as she talks about her feelings and then listen some more. Talk through options so she can make rational, thoughtful decisions. Respect her privacy. (Allow her to ponder personal thoughts.) Respect her feelings about the baby’s father (whether the relationship continues or discontinues). Offer to assist the baby’s father into responsible co-parenting, if appropriate.
Remember there are helpful avenues available for your pregnant daughter. Ultimately, though, it’s your daughter and the life inside of her who are affected by the decisions made. Face this situation together and help give her all the resources she may need during the pregnancy.
During the early stages of your daughter’s pregnancy, it will be important for her to consider her options as far as how to proceed with the baby once he or she is born. The decision to keep the baby or set the baby up for adoption can be a hard one to make. Be open to her thoughts and ideas as she looks into her varying options.
Help your daughter to know that having this child does not stop her future. Whether it be finishing high school, continuing on to college, or starting a job, your daughter has options after her pregnancy.
The spiritual lives of both you and your daughter have been catapulted into unknown territory. Regardless of spiritual maturity or how well you think you’re handling things, don’t ignore this critical part of each other’s well-being. Take action by:
The bottom line – remain calm. Don’t burn bridges by saying something today that you might regret tomorrow. More than likely, your family is facing a future none of you had planned. However, good can come from this. Live one moment at a time. When things get difficult, remember the life that is being knit-together in your daughter’s womb.
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