Perseverance is an overlooked but essential quality that parents need to instill in their children
“I quit!”
Most parents have witnessed moments when their child has encountered an obstacle that seems impossible to overcome. Although it’s sometimes good for children to wrestle with the question of whether to continue with an activity or in an unhealthy friendship, kids who learn to wisely face difficulty will mature and grow in perseverance.
Some kids naturally thrive when faced with challenges, while others feel unprepared. These children who have trouble persevering often haven’t learned to manage common emotions such as boredom and disappointment. Since these emotions are part of everyone’s life, we should avoid shielding our kids from every challenge they face.
Indeed, a big goal of parenting is to teach kids how to effectively process these challenges by seeing them through a new lens.
When your child faces challenges, help him learn to become a creative problem-solver. Practice this skill whenever problems come up, whether it’s thinking of ways to get a football out of a tree or resolving a conflict with a friend.
In our home, my wife and I often say to our children, “Everything has a solution. You just have to find it.” We may eventually help our kids find a solution, but we always allow them time to develop their own solutions first, nurturing a trust in God’s guidance and wisdom along the way.
Kids crave the confidence that comes from knowing they are good at something, and an overlooked component of perseverance is understanding where one’s potential really lies. Aim to guide your children through an honest, humble inventory of their skills and talents. Many kids have important abilities, but they are diminished in their minds because they don’t think their peers value these qualities. So show them why these talents matter.
When your child fails, acknowledge the raw feelings, even as you aim to move her toward more constructive thoughts. It’s great to recognize a child’s talents, but teach her that any talent almost always requires refinement. Many winners first learn how to lose well so that they don’t panic when things unexpectedly go wrong.
When they are faced with hardship, our kids need to know they can bounce back. Failure develops humility and helps form mental toughness, if our kids allow it.
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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