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The growth of humility in your child’s life will lead to positive development in many other areas of their character and relationships.
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Parents often ask me what trait is most important to instill in their kids in our self-centered world. Scripture shows us which characteristics are most important in our lives and the lives of our children. Based on scripture and my experience as a counselor, I believe the one characteristic that is foundational to the development of all other healthy relational and developmental traits in the life of a well-adjusted, connected, and genuinely loving child is humility. Teaching our kids how to be humble in our world is critical to positive child development.
Imagine a world where humility is admired and intentionally cultivated, where kids grow out of a foundation of humility rather than pride, control, and power. This school year, what would it look like if you focused on developing humility in your child, your home, and yourself?
When you meet a genuinely humble person, you instinctively understand that they care about people around them regardless of race, sex, or socioeconomic status. Interestingly, the word humility comes from the word humus. If you have a garden, you know humus is the part of soil that is necessary for the growth and strengthening of plants. It provides the environment for deep-rooted growth.
There are many scriptures on humility throughout the Bible. Scripture emphasizes the importance of humility and its ability to create that deep-rooted growth in many places. James writes that God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud (James 4:6). The Bible also says it is our responsibility to humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand and to foster a humble heart (1 Peter 5:6).
In James 4:6-10, it says to:
In another scripture on humility, Ephesians 4:2 explains that humility and gentleness, mixed with patience, provide the ingredients for people to truly and deeply love others. This verse states that we can bear with one another in love as we move toward unity and peacefulness. Humility invites God’s unifying Spirit to act in and through us as we learn to love others.
For more than twenty years, I have worked with families in my counseling practice, and I have consistently found the root of many relational issues to be the absence of humility. Where humility is lacking, selfishness, anxiety, pride, and insecurities abound. I have also seen that many sexual struggles come from the absence of humility. We must teach our kids humility from an early age to help them avoid these issues.
Teaching kids to understand their thoughts, longings, desires, and emotions helps them observe why they do the things they do. More importantly, establishing a life or culture of prayer in your home is an excellent starting point to soften the heart and train it toward humility.
Humility in a child’s life includes learning to:
Humility leads a child toward becoming a contributor rather than a consumer as they grow and mature. So how do you help cultivate this trait in your child? Here are seven quick tips:
Help your children understand that people crave to be known. Learn to discern the core desires in others. Why are they sharing what they’re sharing with you? What do they truly want? Teach them to be slow to speak and quick to listen. It is tempting to overrun people with our own opinions and thoughts.
Parents can begin to teach humility from the time their children are infants. It’s about being genuinely relational and seeing other people through a lens of value and worth. Children can also practice empathy by caring for pets or maintaining a garden.
Opportunities to engage and serve others can be embraced as invitations rather than dreaded as inconveniences.
Look around as a family and intentionally talk about what you’re thankful for.
Respect each other’s unique ideas, emotions, and interests by noticing and learning to live well together in those differences.
Words can be life-giving. Children can learn to genuinely encourage others without feeling the threat of losing their own value in the process.
Map out ways you can serve within your family and in your neighborhood, school, or community. Take time to celebrate a culture of service in your home. A culture of service is more worthy of celebration than straight As.
The growth of humility in your child’s life will lead to positive development in many other areas of their character and relationships. Take time each day to model and invest in this trait and teach your kids to be humble as you engage with them.
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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