Abstinence is a difficult topic to discuss with your kids. However, it’s an important conversation to have as your children continue to develop. Consider your approach to these conversations.
What is abstinence? It may be a common question for your kids, especially as they enter the tween and teen years. As a parent, you contain the key to unlocking the potential of conversations involving sex, sexuality, sexuality identity.
High school students are sexually active. There’s no denying this reality. Because of this parents are desperately seeking effective ways to protect their children’s sexual purity and virginity. Abstinence provides an important conversation for you and your children.
Sadly, many traditional methods of sexual prevention prove unsuccessful. In some cases, medical approaches to sexual prevention are even harmful to your children’s sexual and emotional health. As you read consider your family values, as well as spiritual convictions. Consider your child’s personality as well. Finally, develop a philosophy before you even begin conversations with your kids about abstinence.
Conversations about sex are awkward. They’re even more awkward with our kids. It’s easy to feel flustered and overwhelmed before these moments. So, it’s important to create boundaries and talking points based on age-appropriate values. Let’s take a look at three common mistakes parents make:
Just because we have a conviction that sex is reserved for marriage does not mean our kids share that belief. Convictions require convincing, which is possible through convincing arguments or evidence. When we warn our kids not to have premarital sex simply “because I said so,” we are failing to provide the logical explanations and compelling reasons necessary for cultivating convictions. As a result, our kids learn to avoid getting caught having sex rather than avoiding premarital sex altogether.
While we should spend ample time discussing the serious risks of STDs and pregnancy with our teenagers, our approach to instilling abstinence should also include the spiritual and emotional implications of sex. Otherwise, kids are likely to conclude that as long as they protect against disease and pregnancy, there’s nothing wrong with premarital sex.
While youth programs and church services can be highly beneficial, parents must take the lead in training their children. We should utilize church programs but focus our efforts on at-home measures.
Here are a few ways to effectively convey the importance of abstinence to our kids:
Risks include unplanned pregnancy and the spread of STDs.
Consider: The United States continues to have one of the highest teen pregnancy and abortion rates in the developed world. Due to both biological and behavioral factors, teens are at a greater risk for acquiring STDs. Research proves that nearly one-half of all newly infected STD cases in 2000 (the most recent year for data) was among teens and young adults ages 15-24. Although youth are at a higher risk for STD infection, only one-third of sexually active teens are tested for STDs.
God’s Word says that sex outside of marriage is wrong — not because God wants to inhibit pleasure but because He knows what’s for our best.
Consider: Matthew 15:19-20; Mark 7:20-22; 1 Corinthians 6:12-13; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4
Birth control cannot protect a heart from the bonding and hurt that come when teens are sexually active. Research supports the fact that sexually active teens are at a greater risk for emotional stress, depression and even suicide.
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