Urgent Need: As the back-to-school season begins, families are facing mounting pressure—tough choices, cultural confusion, and strained relationships.
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And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Estimated reading time: 14 minutes
Are homeschool kids weird, do they experience healthy socialization, and is this a viable option to education?
Growing up in public school, I recall knowing all of one homeschool family in my community. They might have been the very family that became the stereotype for homeschool families everywhere. The kids were pale and wore high-water pants. (Was that a calculator in their back pocket?) The mom had stringy hair and always wore the classic homeschool-mom denim jumper.
You might have thought they were auditioning for a Saturday Night Live sketch.
That one image stuck in my head, and it is no surprise when I became a mom the thought of homeschooling my own kids never entered my mind.
Until one day, when my oldest son came home from first grade, and over a granola bar and apple juice threw me a curveball:
“Mom, would you homeschool me next year?”
My limited childhood associations combined with years of cultural stereotypes came front and center in that moment as I did my best to…change the topic.
I mean, there is no way.
Homeschoolers are weird…right?
And their parents too.
He must be kidding…
Little did I know then that my son’s request would linger with me and begin the process of challenging those preconceived ideas I had about homeschooling.
What if I could do it?
Would my kids could turn out ok?
What if it…could be great?…
The next fall I began homeschooling my two oldest sons. And 18 years later I have graduated three and continue to homeschool my fourth. My two oldest sons have gone on to have amazing college experiences. The third is a professional surfer doing college online. They are all well-rounded, socially grounded, and…no weirder than the average kid. Somehow, even their mom has maintained her coolness (or so she tells herself.)
I am grateful that many of the homeschool stereotypes have faded over time. However, I continue to receive questions and comments surrounding the socialization topic.
Now, if you ask seasoned homeschool moms about socialization, you could get mixed responses. Most of us once had the same questions.
In my new book, Becoming Homeschoolers, I address this topic in full. But here I will share a few thoughts in response to the socialization question.
The reality is most kids grow up to be like their parents. Especially if they spend a lot of time with them. So, if you homeschool your kids and you’re a little quirky…odd…or socially awkward, there is a good chance your kids will be too.
However, if you think of yourself as well adjusted and fairly normal. Or you’re actually pretty cool, then you can pretty well count on your kids growing up to be the same.
Are there homeschool kids out there who are a little weird? Sure! But then again, there are weird kids everywhere. For those of you who grew up in a traditional school setting, I bet you can remember a few strange kids there, too. (right?) I can remember a handful of very quirky kids in my public school, and I didn’t think much of it. They were just part of the fabric of our community.
If, per se, the stereotype turns out to be true for your kids, and they do grow up a little odd, I suggest that there are worse things in the world than raising a quirky kid.
In fact, if I had to choose between a kid who “fit in” to our culture, embracing the trends and socially acceptable, politically correct stance on all of the topics, or a kid who avoided all of that by being homeschooled, but was looked at as “different”?… I’d take the latter in a heartbeat.
Give me all of the different.
My sons grew up in the country, and while they had social connections through sports and youth group activities, they spent the bulk of their time with their family and in nature. They certainly weren’t raised in a bubble, but their days were not saturated with all the things that come with a traditional school setting.
My sons each discovered their own passions and interests: One mastered the guitar, another became a professional surfer in his teenage years. One learned computer coding and created a website to display his photography and videography. Oh yeah, he also wrote a novel. (different, I know.) They are all into theology, and they are certified bird nerds.
Maybe a little.
But in the best sort of way.
In fact, I think their college rather appreciated their “unique” interests as they offered my two oldest sons nearly full-ride scholarships.
Finally, I will wrap up by reporting that now that I have homeschooled my own kids and met many other homeschool families, I will say: A typical homeschooled kid actually has great social skills. And research backs that up. Studies show that homeschoolers typically grow up to be well-adjusted adults who are involved in their communities, raising great families of their own.
I get compliments from people who meet my sons, noting their excellent conversation skills, how they ask great questions, and are so much fun to be around. My oldest boys have now landed excellent jobs and have great friends.
I am convinced this is because my boys grew up around a variety of people of all ages. We regularly hosted young adults who have been excellent role models. And our boys have spent time with families who we chose to be in community with. They served in ministry, traveled, and read books that exposed them to great men and women of history and from various cultures.
I don’t say any of this to brag but to encourage other families! And to suggest it might be time to flip the script on the socialization topic:
Healthy socialization may be one of the very best reasons to homeschool your kids.
Are you thinking about homeschooling but are not sure? Having a lot of important questions is natural. Here are ten good reasons to consider educating your children at home.
When I was a young mom, I loved meeting the parents of teens or young adults with great character. Seeking to glean from their experience, I would ask: “What is the secret?” I wanted practical advice and was eager to put into practice whatever they were willing to share.
Now that I have three young-adult sons of my own, (as well as a teenager still coming up!) I consider it the highest compliment when someone who has met my kids asks me the same question. When that happens, I do my best to share some of the practical things we have done as a family, from teaching kids Scripture to our chore system and how we focus on their character.
But there is one element to our family life that I am convinced has been the greatest shaping factor in the young men we have raised. So, I will eventually add to the list: “Also, we homeschooled them.”
If the person I am communicating with doesn’t pivot and run, I will continue with my heartfelt conviction. “Actually, homeschooling has made all the difference in the world. My boys would not be who they are if they didn’t spend the great majority of their growing up years at home, learning, growing, and doing life with their family.”
I am convinced that if the faith and character my young-adult sons have embraced was the only benefit of homeschooling, it would be worth it all. But the truth is, homeschooling has benefitted them (and us) in so many more ways. Indeed, there a lot of good reasons to homeschool your kids. I share 20 of them in the first chapter of my new book, Becoming Homeschoolers but I’ll touch on 10 briefly here.
Regardless of their parents’ level of education, homeschooled kids consistently outperform traditionally schooled children in standardized tests and are increasingly being sought after by colleges. That’s significant.
They have the time and freedom to pursue interests and hobbies outside of a traditional classroom. Between my four sons you’ll find skills that range from music to computer coding to professional surfing to bird watching, and on and on. These skills were developed in the freedom of their homeschool lifestyle.
They have the chance to eat wholesome food at home rather than cafeteria food or the junk offered on a school campus. They have the time to get regular exercise. And research shows that they get more sleep than traditionally schooled kids, which is so important for their growth and mental health.
I like to flip the “what about socialization?” question on its head as we know that the kind of socialization that goes on in a typical school setting is far-from ideal. Most homeschoolers today are engaged in everything from coops, to sports, to church youth groups. The difference is, homeschool families get to choose who and how they socialize.
Instead of spending all day in a classroom, homeschoolers have the chance to get internships or jobs, to work alongside their parents, and learn naturally from the things that go on in a regular day at home.
Instead of moving from class to class with a crowd of other students who are all following the same directions, homeschooled kids have a great opportunity to customize their education, and their time. Most homeschooled kids become excellent time managers and grow up to be responsible to organize their own workload.
My college sons have told me that they felt well-prepared for the college workload because, in their words, “It was a lot like homeschooling.”
Gender, racial, or political indoctrination is apparent in many classrooms all over the country. There is no doubt, kids are vulnerable to their teachers, peers, and the pressures to conform in our culture. Yet Dad and Mom are the best people to teach kids about important moral and cultural concepts. Homeschooling makes this possible.
And often they develop great relationships with grandparents and others they have the chance to spend time with.
I must say, this is high up on my personal list of favorite things about homeschooling! My four sons are best friends with each other. My husband and I have close relationships with each of our grown sons. This grew out of time spent together, homeschooling.
From the story of creation to seeing God’s fingerprints in math and science, the chance to educate our kids through the lens of God’s amazing Word is a privilege I cannot put into words.
Deuteronomy 6:6: “These commands will be on your heart. Teach them to your children as you lie down and get up. As you walk along the way and as you sit down.” Raising kids to know and love God is not an isolated, Sunday-morning or weekly devotions concept. It’s an all-day, everyday lifestyle.
Does some of these reasons to homeschool aligns with what you want most for your kids? I encourage you to consider giving homeschooling a try.
When the day comes, and you are asked the secret to your kids’ character and faith? You might just echo my heartfelt response: Homeschooling made all the difference in the world.
Long before I learned the term “spiritual deconstruction,” I heard stories from my oldest son about it. During his first year at a small Christian college, my son witnessed friends facing faith dilemmas. These friends, raised in Christian homes, struggled with challenges to their beliefs. This most often happened when college peers or professors challenged the traditional Christian doctrines they professed.
This led to questions and inner conflict. In some cases, it caused a complete departure from the faith they had grown up with.
Discouraged, my son described these students walking out of a classroom with visible tears. Challenges to their faith caused their beliefs to crumble under pressure.
Critics labeled these kids’ faith as old-fashioned and outdated, and they soon adopted a more “relevant” and “progressive” theology.
“Times have changed,” they surmised. “Doesn’t it make sense that our faith should change with them?”
Stories like this broke my heart when I first heard them. I’ve become familiar with the spiritual deconstruction movement and its effects. I want to warn parents about progressive Christianity pulling kids from church into confusion and depression. I want to warn parents everywhere to do everything possible to avoid this being part of their kids’ future story.
You have likely heard the current Barna research about church dropouts, showing that two-thirds of young adults who grew up in Christian homes will leave the church after they leave home. A very small percentage (less than 4%) of young adult “Christians” hold to a truly biblical worldview.
This information is enough to frighten Christian parents and give them reason to ask what – if anything – they can do to help their kids avoid spiritual deconstruction when they leave home one day.
Good question.
One worthy of some very serious consideration.
I am convinced that the answer to that question is found in what happens in the years before kids launch, which is crucial for faith development.
When my sons experienced professors, peers, or media that conflicted with the faith they learned at home, they opened their Bibles. And sometimes a good Bible commentary. They reached out to trusted mentors (like my husband and I, a youth pastor who had discipled them throughout high school, and a number of great books they brought with them to college) and they stood on Truth.
My sons had spent a great deal of time in their growing up years not just attending youth group activities but daily studying the Bible and having conversations about the reliability of Scripture, all of which contributed to their faith development. While they did not take a formal course in Christian Worldview (though my youngest son is taking one now), they learned apologetics during family walks, around the dinner table, and before bed as they chatted with my husband and me. This was all possible because they were homeschooled.
In the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 6, Moses passes on God’s commands to His chosen people in the most simple, yet descriptive way I can imagine: “You are to teach your children God’s commands as you lie down, when you get up, when you walk along the way…”
While we can all agree that there is not a “formula” for raising Christian kids, I do believe that these verses in the Bible are as close as we will find to a guide for faith development.
And as much as I shudder to hear the statistics about kids leaving the church, I do hold on to the data related to kids who remain grounded in biblical truth. The ones George Barna refers to as “spiritual champions.” Who doesn’t love that?
Research shows that kids who grow up with simple disciplines in their home are more likely to stay committed to their faith, the local church, and traditional Christian values: Reading the Bible regularly. Praying. Attending church as a family. Choosing mostly Christian music and wholesome entertainment.
This doesn’t sound very difficult, does it?
Yet all of this may be very difficult if our kids are spending most of their waking hours in an environment that does not support or encourage these things. (Especially one that is increasingly hostile towards them.)
It is a long-understood truth that we become like the company we keep. In the book of Proverbs, King Solomon wrote: “He who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20) Paul echoed these words in Philippians saying, “Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) I have often recalled a parenting moment when one of my boys was asking permission to hang out with a group of kids who I knew were not making good choices.
It was one of my homeschooling friends who counseled me quite simply with: “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”
And, while it is possible to give our kids after school or online courses in biblical worldview and apologetics and I know that some Christian schools offer those, it will be hard to compare to the opportunity we have to ground our kids in these things in a homeschool environment. One where we can quite literally talk about these things: when we wake up. As we walk along the way. When we lie down. All…day…long.
Yes, they can. And praise God for those who do! But: are they likely to remain true to their faith? I know that some do, but the statistics are hard to argue with. For those Christian parents who have kids in a traditional school setting, I encourage a committed effort to counter the influences at school with plenty of intentional spiritual training and faith development at home.
But if you have the opportunity to educate your kids at home? I encourage you to try it! There are plenty of blessings in homeschooling, but perhaps the greatest rewards will be realized in the years after your kids have launched into independence.
Monica Swanson is the host of the The Monica Swanson Podcast and author of Raising Amazing, and Boy Mom. Monica and her husband, Dr. Dave, live on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii, where they have raised four sons. To learn more about Monica visit monicaswanson.com.
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