There are few things so hotly debated in our culture as the question of how we can best care for women and girls who find themselves facing unexpected, or unexpectedly complicated pregnancies. The proposed solutions for these women include access to abortion, access to adoption, government assistance, motherhood programs, baby showers, free housing, and more. But what is the best help?
What Is He Going To Say?
The most consulted party when a woman is facing an unplanned pregnancy is the father of the baby. Women and men with abortions in their past report this phenomenon and list the father of the baby as the single greatest influence in the decision. It makes sense that a woman would turn to the other person involved in creating the pregnancy, a person who can play a crucial role in supporting (or not) the pregnancy. Involved fathers lead to healthier pregnancies, more full-term births, and lower risk of postpartum stress and depression.
Unfortunately, many men do not know how to respond to the news of an unexpected pregnancy. Cultural narratives like “Her Body Her Choice” have been hammered down so deeply that they’re forced into ambiguity. It has become all too easy to say “I’ll support you whatever you choose.” Vague statements like this are driven out of financial fear, doubts on their readiness to be a father, or an unsteady relationship with their partner. Unfortunately, nearly one-third of men involved in abortion decisions reported giving no advice when asked.
Helping Dads Offer Real Support
Men who say these things remain influential. They are not beyond hope. Those seeking to assist pregnant moms have a tremendous opportunity to bring in fathers from the sidelines and empower them to speak for the life of their child. One of the ways in which fathers can be equipped with the knowledge, skills, and confidence they need to care for their pregnant partner during a pregnancy is with one of Focus on the Family’s affiliates, Care Net. They have a program that is designed to help prepare men for the role of fatherhood. They were recently in contact with a woman who was pursuing an abortion because the father didn’t support the pregnancy.
The woman’s coach reached out to the father of the child and extended support to him. Upon following up, it was discovered that the expected mother changed her mind about the abortion! Her boyfriend had started supporting her, taking care of her, and even started making smoothies for her! He was utilizing a support skill taught in the course. “He’s taking care of me now. We can do this,” she said. While the expectant father had some more concerns to work through, he started small. Slowly, he began discovering and demonstrating how he could be a good father. A simple smoothie made a crucial difference!
Dads Made a Difference
While some people promote abortion as the best solution, others seek to offer an elaborate support system for single mothers. But the surprising truth is that fathers have both the calling and capability to offer the support needed most in these situations.
Not only the single greatest influence in the initial pregnancy decision, dads are also vital for the well-being of their children in countless ways. Research compiled by National Fatherhood Initiative shows that:
- The infant mortality rate is four times higher without a father in the home
- Children with involved fathers are significantly less likely to grow up in poverty, exhibit behavioral problems, commit crimes, go to prison, face abuse and neglect, abuse drugs and alcohol, suffer obesity, or drop out of school
- Children with involved fathers are seven times less likely to experience teen pregnancy
Despite their great potential, men involved in unplanned pregnancies are often overlooked and demonized. It is easy to imagine they will never be fit to provide the kind of support we want for mothers and children. But any dad can learn the skills needed to care for his family. With support, even men with storied pasts and harmful behaviors can get a fresh start as they embrace fatherhood. Supporting a healthy pregnancy can bring new purpose and inspire men to get healthy themselves. When this happens, we see generational cycles broken and new families forming.
What Can We Do?
Care Net’s Fatherhood Project is just one example of people stepping up for fathers in this way. We all can help empower men in their irreplaceable role as fathers. If you or someone you know is a father to an unexpected pregnancy, support them. Encourage them to support the mother and point them in the right direction to receive the tools they need to be confident in fatherhood. A Pregnancy Resource Center is often the place men can find this needed support as an alternative to abortion.
Yet, pregnancy centers are just emergency rooms for the true hospital: The Church. With 4 in 10 women and 5 in 10 men attending church at least monthly at the time of their first abortion, churches must begin to transcend the political conversation surrounding abortion by offering real care for both women and men facing difficult decisions and circumstances. Only 5% of men involved in abortions say they spoke with anyone in the church about their decision at the time.
Have you created a culture in your church where men would be likely to seek and find support? Do you have a men’s ministry, and is practical fatherhood a regular topic there? If you have support groups for moms, what about support groups for dads? How might a single dad be integrated, and do you have opportunities for people from a wide range of backgrounds to learn about God’s good design for family?
Followers of Christ have a priceless opportunity to serve vulnerable mothers and save the lives of precious children by building up men. Reflecting on the great influence and potential of fathers, how can you expand your perspectives and actions on the life issue?
