Jose Souza is currently 18 years old. Before entering foster care at the age of five, Jose experienced abuse, neglect, and gang violence. Now, Jose shares honestly about the challenges of life after adoption from foster care.
Violence, Abuse, and Neglect
Before entering foster care, Jose’s childhood was filled with abuse and neglect. In his childhood home, Jose was surrounded by drugs, gang affiliations, weapons, and violence. There were frequent drive-by shootings. Strangers would come in an out of the home often for drug- or gang-related activities.
For Jose, this was everyday life. “A lot of stuff happened that I still deal with to his very day,” he shares.
Jose was a victim of violence in his childhood. “There was one time there was a drive-by when I was in the car with my dad, and glass fell on my face,” Jose describes. “I still have cuts and scars on my face from the glass just falling on my face.”
This violent environment impacted Jose deeply. One of the worst things to come from his childhood was the death of his cousin, whom he considered to be a brother. As a result of a gang shootout, Jose’s cousin passed away at only 12 years old.
“That was just one of the hardest things for me,” Jose laments.
After the death of his cousin, Jose felt like he had lost an older brother, someone who looked out for him and protected him. Jose was young, scared, and grieving.
The Challenges of a Group Home
At the age of 5, Jose and his three siblings entered foster care and moved to a group home.
“I didn’t really know what was going on,” Jose recalls. “To me, it was just a new place.” The main difference Jose remembers was that there were lots of other children for him to hang out with.
Living in the group home had difficulties, however. Jose recalls how his younger brother was separated from him in the group home and placed with the other infants. “I was always just a protective brother,” Jose shares. “So that always bothered me because I always wanted my little brother right next to me and my other brother and other sister.”
Although Jose enjoyed the opportunity to play with other children, there was a deeply troubling side to living in a group home. “It was a little depressing,” he explains. “You would see kids crying, and you would just see their faces. And it was like, they didn’t know why they were there.”
Experiencing Adoption From Foster Care
Jose clearly remembers the day he met his now-adoptive parents, John and Carly Souza.
He recalls being excited to talk and play with the grown-ups. While they were there, they asked Jose if he would like to come and spend some time living with them. Of course, as a protective brother, Jose was always looking out for his siblings.
“I told my parents, ‘If I’m going with you, make sure my brothers come, and my sister,'” he restates with a smile.
Moving in with the Souza family was another big transition. In the beginning, it was hard for Jose to adjust. He was often afraid and did whatever he could to protect his siblings. Thankfully, over time, Jose became more comfortable and began to call the Souza house “home.”
Adoption remains a special event in Jose’s mind. For him, it marked the day that all the friends and family who had supported him for the last two years came out to celebrate. He enjoyed getting to pick out an outfit for court. And he felt a bit like a celebrity. “It was just really cool being able to see everyone I love there together and be able to celebrate family,” he describes.
The Struggles That Came After Adoption From Foster Care
In Jose’s experience, it was little things that had a big impact on him growing up after being adopted from foster care. There were several factors that often made him feel like an outcast.
Lingering Questions
Jose was only five years old when he entered foster care. He remembers being aware of some of the things that were happening. However, there were other parts he could not fully comprehend.
As a result, Jose grew up wondering about a lot of things from his childhood. “I still have questions,” Jose says. “There’s still questions I wish I could have asked my parents.”
Feeling Like an Outcast
In elementary and middle school, Jose remembers feeling like he did not belong. “I couldn’t relate to some of the kids, and they couldn’t relate to me,” he recalls. There were many times when Jose wanted to talk about his family or his childhood like other children, but he did not know what to say.
No Baby Photos
Another challenge for Jose after his adoption from foster care was a lack of childhood photos. Jose entered foster care at the age of five and was adopted when he was seven. When Jose joined the Souza family, he had no baby pictures of himself.
In fifth grade, Jose had a school project where he was supposed to bring in a picture of himself as a newborn.
“I didn’t have any pictures as a newborn, so my mom and I just went online and just found a kid who sort of looks just like me as a newborn,” he says with a chuckle.
Jose’s adoptive mom, Carly, suggested that he could take the fake baby photo to school or take a picture of himself when he was five years old. Jose chose to submit the real photo of him at five years old.
Fear of Being Like His Father
Growing up, Jose tried hard to fit in with the wrong groups. As a result, he often struggled with the fear that he would turn out like his biological father. Any time Jose messed up, he felt it was confirmation that he would become like his dad. “That was my biggest fear: being [like] my dad,” Jose explains.
Putting on a Mask
For all these reasons, Jose struggled with being his true self.
“I tried to cover up who I really was to fit in with people,” Jose explains. “I wanted to be that cool kid, but at the same time, I kind of had to put that mask on.” Jose often presented himself with a tough exterior, but that was not how he felt on the inside.
As Jose gets older, he realizes the ways in which his past affects him. Through Christ, Jose is learning how to heal from the pain of his childhood.
Questioning God, Choosing Faith
When Jose looks back, he sees moments where he wrestled with trusting God. As a kid going through so much, Jose would wonder why this was happening to him if God loved him. “I would get angry with God,” Jose reveals.
But at the end of the day, Jose is grateful for the places where God intervened in his life. Jose imagines some of the scenarios that might have occurred if it were not for God. “I’d probably be dead or in prison right now,” he considers. Jose now understands why God moved in the ways that He did.
“I feel like God was there from the beginning,” Jose declares. “Look what he’s done for me.”
Jose is now able to share his story for God’s glory.
Looking to the Future
Jose has experienced immense hurt and pain, but now he wants to help others.
“I’m still young and trying to figure stuff out, but I’ve always wanted to help people.” Jose has faced struggles of his own, so he wants to help others who are hurting. Currently, Jose is considering joining the military and then moving into firefighting. He’s led by a desire to help people.
Learn More About Foster Care and Adoption
There is a need for more foster, adoptive, and respite homes throughout the United States. If you are interested in learning more about how to get involved, please visit WaitNoMore.org.
