According to an UNFPA report, almost half of all pregnancies are unplanned. That’s a shocking statistic. What’s saddening, is that nearly 60% of these unplanned pregnancies end in abortion.
From the years of 2015-2019 there was a reported 121 million unplanned pregnancies globally. This means that 72 million pregnancies ended in abortion. That’s 72 million babies that weren’t given the chance at life. It’s easy to read these staggering numbers and grow resigned to the somber idea that abortion is the only option. With the politicization of abortion, but more specifically women’s bodies, women feel an immense amount of pressure. What should they do? What are the options? How are they supposed to handle such a life changing event such as an unplanned pregnancy?
Despite what various circles say, abortion is not the only answer. Shouldn’t being pro-choice mean there are more than one choice? If you know someone who is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, it’s good that we encourage them and show them all their options, the pros and the cons of each.
What are the options when experiencing an unplanned pregnancy?
- Parent the child
- Create an adoption plan for the child
- Abort the child
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5. This verse shares that God formed us, knew us and set us apart for something even before we were born. God has set us apart, and that include the lives of our children, planned or unplanned. An unplanned pregnancy may be scary, confusing, or daunting. However, with the right support, many women have chosen life and not regrated it.
Parent The Child
Parenting could seem like the most frightening option of them all. Especially with how misleading media is with its treatment toward women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Unfortunately, women are encouraged into abortion clinics because they are lied to. Abortion is not the only answer.
There are three different circumstances in which one can parent a child
- Marriage
- Coparenting
- Single Parenting
Marriage
Here at Focus on the Family we advocate for healthy marriages. And that’s exactly the type of marriage that would be the most viable and correct. Having a baby should not justify a marriage that isn’t healthy or meant to be. If the father and mother of the child come to an agreement and decide to get married, then that’s wonderful! However, it should only be done under God, as marriage is a unification of three bodies: man, woman, and The Holy Spirit.
Coparenting
Coparenting is commonly associated with the difficulties of divorce. Yet, it just means the sharing of the child raising duties. There’s not a whole lot of legality to these cases. Focus on the Family advocates for the healthy raising process of children, and to equip parents with all the tools they need to raise their children in a Godly way. If a man and woman were to choose this option, there are abundant resources!
Single Parenting
In this case it’s easy for women to feel overwhelmed with their situation. There are many things that drive women away from pregnancy resource centers and into the doors of those who will rob them of their greatest gift. Single mothers and pregnant women needn’t second guess their decisions to see their baby through an ultrasound. It is an amazing and often life-changing experience. Maybe you can be with them in the ultrasound appointment? One of the most important things that you can do for a woman who is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy is to show them support in the way they need.
We can offer hope and love, with both word and deed. Together, we can ensure no single mom walks alone. Give a woman the extra encouragement that she needs to keep going.
The Original Single Mom
In Genesis 16 and 21 we learn about the story of Hagar, the first single mom mentioned in the Bible. She and her son, Ishmael, were rejected and forced to leave everything behind them. They were forced into survival mode, trekking along the wilderness with her one and only child. She cried out to God asking Him to help her thirsty son. God answered her prayers, because our God is the God Who Sees.
This situation may seem eerily relatable to some single mothers in the modern age. How often do single women with unplanned pregnancies make the same cry as Hagar? How can they maintain their home or provide food for their child?
We have a unique opportunity as their friends, family, relatives, or acquaintances, to bring hope to these women who are in an unplanned pregnancy. We can be the hands and feet of Jesus. God cares for the vulnerable, and weary. He loves His children. As we support single mothers who are in an unplanned pregnancy we can show her love, the hope that comes with God, and be a calming voice in the noise around them. We, with the help of Christ’s presence and comfort, can help women see that an unsteady economy, struggling finances, or the fear of isolation will not interfere with God’s plan for her and her child.
Create an Adoption Plan For The Child
The second option that is available for a woman in an unplanned pregnancy is to make an adoption plan. Despite the myths surrounding adoption, it’s an amazing option that some people may not consider. There are three primary routes that a mother can take when it comes to adoption.
- Open Adoption
- Semi-Open Adoption
- Closed Adoption
Open Adoption
First of all, what is open adoption? The benefit of an open adoption plan for your child is it keeps the relationship open. The birth mother, the adoptive parents, and the child) can remain in relationship with one another almost indefinitely. The birth mother can make calls, take visits, and contact the family in a variety of ways that they all agree to. It’s a relationship that is rooted in care and love for everyone. A birth mother can take solace in seeing that her child will be loved and cared for.
However, adoption doesn’t come without its aches. It can be difficult for a birth mother because adoption is a form of loss. There may be some fears that go through her head. Yet, with support from her loved ones and the right adoption plan for her, a beautiful yet complex lifelong relationship can form. A relationship that preserves and protects the life that she’s brought into this world!
Semi-Open Adoption
A semi-open adoption is exactly what it sounds like. It involves some of the characteristics of an open adoption in that the birth mother will have contact with the adoptive parents and child at specified times.
The difference is that once the child is born and has been adopted, the adoptive parents can send updates to the birth mother throughout their life. This allows for the birth mother to remain updated on how her child is doing and growing. But there is not an open relationship in which the birth mother can stop by at any time or have video chats with the family.
Closed Adoption
A closed adoption is the opposite of an open adoption. There is no contact between the birth mother and the adoptive family. In generations past, all adoptions were closed. But today, birth mothers have the choice of how much communication they would like to have with the adopting family.
It’s important for a birth mother to understand the effects of a closed adoption. Ultimately though, a woman who is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy is making an incredibly strong, but at times tough, decision to create an adoption plan for her child. We can encourage these mothers to make a decision that is best for her child, as well as what’s best for her. As others have shared, it can be a healing place for the woman and the child.
Abort The Child
Abortion is the third option for women in an unplanned pregnancy. The reasons for abortion are plentiful. However, not every woman understands, the reality behind abortion. It is important to make a fully informed decision.
If someone you know if experiencing an unplanned pregnancy you may be asking the question: “Now what?”
How You Respond Is Vital
It’s important that you don’t overreact! The first impression and response will have very defining impact on her as she proceeds with her decisions. But understand that if the initial response was emotional and outrageous, it’s not too late to fix it. You can always show her that you still support her, care for her, and love her. If you’re feeling shocked and/or disappointed, imagine how she may be feeling! It’s important that we show empathy and love and support for her in this time.
Here are some good things to say that she needs to hear:
- “I’ll always love you”
- “We’re here for you and will help you in whatever way we can”
- “It my not be what we planned but it’ll be okay”
- “We’ll get through this together”
It’s important to understand that if we say “I’ll support you no matter what you choose” it may give her the impression that she must navigate her situation alone. But she is not alone. If she is your daughter, niece, young cousin or younger sister, she may want to look to you and your life experiences to learn how to deal with such a situation. She may look up to you for guidance. If she is your wife or girlfriend, she needs your support, presence, and reassurance.
Face It Together
Regardless of your relationship with her you can be her advocate, her support system, her cheerleader!
- Reassure her of your unconditional love and concern
- Affirm your confidence in her
- Avoid placing blame on her or using a condemning tone
- Trust God wholeheartedly
It’s going to be a long journey for her and for you! Support can look like a lot of things. It can be creating a non-threatening atmosphere around her. It could be listening to her as she talks about her plans and feelings. We can encourage her to make rational thoughts and plans.
Even though your lives have been catapulted into unknown territory, remember that God is bigger, and He can bring hope to any fears, worries, or questions. Pain can be a catalyst for personal growth. Rest in the fact that His love is everlasting and unconditional. Contact your local pregnancy resource center for compassionate and confidential care.
Understanding The "Choice"
There is constant noise bombarding these women with what they “should” do. Understandably it may become easy to grow uncertain, confused, or frustrated with what this noise means.
It their simplest definitions “pro-life” means opposed to abortion and “pro-choice” means in favor of abortion. But these definitions are one-dimensional, and political. They do not encompass the whole truth, God’s truth, behind the topic of life. More importantly, these terms have become weaponized to create an agenda that pushes women into something they may not know everything about.
There is a common misconception that abortion providers offer various forms of health care and support for women. The idea that these clinics help women is simply not true.
97.1% of Planned Parenthood’s “pregnancy resolution services” are abortions. Prenatal services, miscarriage care, and adoption referrals only count for a total of 2.9% of their services. It’s information like this that is used to manipulate vulnerable women who may be frightened into making a decision that will affect them for the rest of their lives.
Resources about abortion
Abortion Is A Life Issue
Have you ever heard some terms like “parasite” “fetus” or “pregnancy tissue”? Have you ever wondered why there are so many different terms used to describe the same thing? Former abortionist and OB/GYN Dr. Catherine Wheeler uses her personal and professional experience to shed some light into this phenomenon. Don’t let the terms confuse you or the woman. When a sperm and egg come together, there is new life.
To understand that abortion is a life issue, we must first confirm that abortion does in fact deal with a living being. As Christians we believe in God’s Word, and that it speaks truth to us. The numerous biblical evidences that a baby is indeed alive in the womb, Psalm 139:13-16, Jeremiah 1:5, Isaiah 49:1, Job 31:15, Ecclesiastes 11:5, and my personal favorite, Luke 1:41 make this an easy lesson to understand. But, what about those who may not be in relationship with Christ? Fret not! There are scientific and medical examples that still show God’s creation is these women’s wombs.
There is test that we can use to defend life. We use this test to help people understand the truth behind a pregnancy: that there is life, a child, a precious gift from God, that He has planned. What may be unplanned to us is not unplanned to God. Therefore, when someone is experiencing an unexpected pregnancy, we can remember a simple acronym: SLED.
- S – Size
- L – Level of Development
- E – Environment
- D – Degree of Dependency
Using this acronym, we can show women and the fathers of their children who are in an unexpected pregnancy to see that their child is no different than a toddler is from an adult. Here are a few simple examples that help us use this SLED acronym.
Size
A toddler’s size is different than a teenager’s size. And an adult who is 5’0” is a different size than a 6’4” person. Each of these individuals has a unique set of DNA which makes them a different size. However, their lives are not more or less valuable than the other simply because they are of different sizes. The same applies to a preborn child. A preborn child has s unique set of DNA that sets them apart from everyone else who has ever been created. They are just a smaller size. But that does not invalidate the inherent value that they were created with.
Level of Development
A toddler is somewhat less developed than a teenager. And a teenager is less developed than an adult. These people are still growing all the way until adulthood. It’s a well-known fact that the human brain isn’t fully developed until around the mid-20s. People in America can vote in elections, buy cigarettes, and be deployed to war before their brains are fully developed. Does this invalidate their worth? No, it does not. The same can be said for a preborn child. Their organs, brain, and body are less developed than that of a toddler. Does that make their lives worthless? No, it simply means that they are not fully developed yet. But they will be. Just give them time. That’s how God made it!
Environment
Let’s move away from the example of toddlers for a moment. When I walk from the kitchen into the bedroom in my house, my environment has changed. If I were to be evicted from my warm, cozy home and forced out into the frigid and chilling winter air, my location would be different. Is my body, which is separate from both the warm cozy house and the frigid outside air, the right or property of someone else? If I require assistance for surviving after being evicted, does that void my right to life? No, and the preborn is in the same situation. A child in a mother’s womb is a separate body, that feels pain, kicks, jumps, and is developing. The change of their environment, in the womb or out of the womb, doesn’t change their worth.
Degree of Dependency
Continuing the example of my family getting evicted from our home. If I were to suddenly depend on my parents for assistance, whether it’s financial, food, or for housing, does this degree of dependency invalidate my life? A preborn child depends on their mother for nutrients, shelter, and protection. How is this any different from a toddler? Adolescent? Preteen? It’s no different. A host family to a foreign exchange student does not own that student’s life, but agrees to care for them for a time
Why Is This Important?
It’s vital that people who find themselves in an unexpected pregnancy understand the importance of their decisions. The mother and father of the child have created a unique life that was planned by God, but unexpected by them. A child, planned or unplanned, is a gift from God, and perfect love and support can change everything. Many women have chosen to give birth and either parent or make an adoption plan. They do not regret making a life decision for their child.
A Few Options, Limitless Potential
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10
Whether the choice is for an open adoption, semi-open, or closed adoption, The Lord will provide for her. Rest assured, the child will be placed in a home where they will be showered with love and care. Making an adoption plan, while it may not be easy, certainly can give the child what they deserve.
Parenting the child, whether with or without the father, may seem daunting. But God will strengthen and help her. The Lord has plans to prosper. Encourage her that He will uphold her because her child is His child, and His plan for her includes a child! Because she will be a great mother.
If she chooses to terminate the pregnancy, while heartbreaking, that does not invalidate her as a woman and a child of God, and it does not make her less of a woman. It does not make her a murderer. Women who are post-abortive are still loved, blessed, and cherished by God. He will provide hope and restoration and healing for her. Remind her of this, and that it may take time.
As God children we are not to face anything alone. Our God is great. Our God is powerful. And our God is bigger than any challenges we may face in our lifetime. Our anxieties can be put to rest with what The Lord’s comfort. So, if an unexpected pregnancy does come up, I encourage you to support the mother, remain faithful to The Lord, fervent in prayer, and steadfast in your relationship with God, no matter how hard it may seem. Encourage her to take cast her lay her worries down at The Lord’s feet. Because our God is an awesome God.
