I was eager to place my first-ever homemade pie among the sweet offerings at my husband’s extended family’s get-together. Grabbing a can of whipped cream as I headed out the door, I envisioned satisfied smiles and sincere compliments surrounding my pretty pumpkin pastry.
What I hadn’t anticipated, however, was a backhanded comment about how my husband’s family never sprays canned whipped cream onto their pies. They whip fresh cream and grate nutmeg on top. Sigh. My hopes of holiday glory were deflated, and I felt like a culinary flop.
I’ve had my mothering skills subtly slammed, my method of mashing potatoes called into question—and worse. Amid the different personalities, lifestyles, religious beliefs and political views—even opinions on pie toppings—these gatherings had the potential to cause tension in my marriage. But I came to realize loving my in-laws was an extension of loving my husband.
A fresh perspective
Happy family gatherings didn’t always materialize, and my feelings were repeatedly—and sometimes deeply—hurt. Although I couldn’t change the people or circumstances, I could change my outlook and honor my husband.
I started to rely on Romans 12:18 when interacting with my husband’s extended family members: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (NIV). I’m not single-handedly responsible for bringing peace to family gatherings and can’t close the curtain on every scene of drama. But I can control my words and actions.
At peace with in-law problems
As far as it depends on me, I can behave.
I can change the subject or I can speak in a calm tone when answering a combative person. I can go play with the children or quietly do the dishes. Or I can simply say nothing at all.
As far as it depends on me, I can weigh each word I say, asking myself if it’s totally appropriate, completely necessary and ultimately gracious.
Then later, I can look back and see I chose—to the best of my ability—to create peace. I can give goodbye hugs and leave with no regrets. Well, except for eating that second piece of pumpkin pie.
